Waxing Horror Story
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VictorianJade
Posts: 705 Member
in Chit-Chat
I got this email from a friend AGES ago... but it is SO worth the post- I giggle 'til I cry with this one.
WAX is NOT your friend
CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud... I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening! (And I feel it too!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now... the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, "yeah... right!")
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With me next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to t he inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!!!
Another deep breathe and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think I may pass out... must stay conscious...
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. I am touching wax.
CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, wh ich i s now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door.
"hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!
I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.
Now, the only th ing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together a n d then glued to the bottom of the tub.. in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few moths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YE AH!!!! RIGHT! !!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various sol ut ions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion the give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the hell out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works!!"
I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice t o my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!
So I recklessly sh ave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.... Now thats funny...... Notttt.
WAX is NOT your friend
CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud... I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening! (And I feel it too!)
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now... the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, "yeah... right!")
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With me next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to t he inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!!!!
Another deep breathe and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think I may pass out... must stay conscious...
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. I am touching wax.
CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, wh ich i s now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door.
"hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!
I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.
Now, the only th ing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together a n d then glued to the bottom of the tub.. in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few moths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YE AH!!!! RIGHT! !!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various sol ut ions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... the lotion the give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the hell out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works!!"
I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice t o my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!
So I recklessly sh ave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.... Now thats funny...... Notttt.
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Replies
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Seen it before and it still cracks me up!! Thank you for sharing, I needed a laugh today:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Hahaha, love it!!! The guy looking in through my window at work clearly thinks I'm bonkers as I'm sitting here giggling away!0
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Ouuuucccchhh!!!0
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If you ever get wax on your skin take baby oil or any type of oil. Even vegtable oil works too. LOL0
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:laugh: :noway: :sad:
OMG!! ROTFLMAO!!
That laugh has got to register in the exercise database somewhere, right??0 -
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! That's awesome!! Could you imagine??0
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Thank God us guys only have to shave our faces.
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O M G...that did make me laugh out loud. My eyes are watering!0
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Too funny!!0
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Thanks for the laugh but I'm sure she wasn't laughing for a while. Have a great day and stay away fromt he wax.0
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thanks for the laugh...well i know what not to do...ahahhahahha....made my day... :laugh:
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sitting here in tears from laughing and my poor son thinks i am upset and crying,lol0
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WOW!!!!! Now thats funny sh** right there!!! lol thanks for sharing!!0
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Oh dear Lord! I've used that stuff, but never on the downstairs. Only on my eyebrows. It worked really well the first time, and then the second time I tried? No hair came off, but it hurt like hell!0
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omg that was so funny thank you!0
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and to think I was going to wax today... hmm maybe not0
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Bahaha! So funny! The poor guy sitting in the cubicle next to me gave me the strangest look.
:laugh: 0 -
After an embarrasing similar experience (no bathtub though, thankfully) I told myself there's professionals for a reason...0
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Thanks. I really needed a laugh today....and I only go to the pros for a reason. I don't feel like having anything 'glued' shut, lol.0
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omg hahahaha! This has happened to me when i have tried to wax my lady parts by myself (well minus the getting glued shut and getting stuck to the bath tub), AND im a licensed cosmetologist of almost 8 years.
Never ever ever wax yourself!! You can get major bruising because you can't pull the skin tight enough and chances are you will end up lifting the skin UP while you're pulling and you DO NOT want that.
Go to a professional but even then you never know. I went to a girl a few months ago to have a routine Brazilian and OMG this girl had not the slightest idea of what she was doing. first off i am not a fan of hard wax, i prefer the soft wax that you use a strip with. I swear i had never flinched so much in my life, and she missed tons of spots and left wax all over me so i had to fix it myself when i got home.
Why can't the hair "there" just go away :laugh:0
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