Scared of my wedding...

Manda1987

So I posted a version of this on my blog, but decided to widen my scope. I'm looking for some advice from you guys:

I've been engaged for 3 and a half years. I am panicking.

At the rate I'm losing, I'd be at about 210 lbs by the time August/September rolls around, if I'm lucky. I really don't want to be anywhere near 200. My fiance actually suggested putting off the wedding until I have lost all the weight that I want to lose, because he's worried that the same thing will happen to our wedding pictures that happened to last Halloween's: deleted because I looked awful in all of them.

I don't want to mess things up by doing a stupid crash diet, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. Will my loss accelerate in the spring once I can start doing outdoors activities, or would that be putting too many eggs in one basket? I can't afford a weight loss boot camp or a personal trainer, or a gym membership for that matter.

I've been pretty successful so far with MFP, at least in the sense that I've been able to stick to the changes I've made. Is it time to get a little more intense, or would that put me at risk for failure?

What would you guys do?

That_Girl

When I got married, I was 7 months after a baby...I was still fat and all that.

Fat. About 210? I was big.

But the pictures and that day was just amazing.

AMAZING!

I say, get married when you are planning to get married. Lose what you can and screw the "not looking my best" feeling. You are a BRIDE! Brides are beautiful no matter what the size. Marriage is a wonderful and spiritual thing...your wedding will be amazing no matter what your size.

TeriTee

It's just a ceremony - the marriage is what's important. I'd relax and have a good time. As long as you can see how comfortable and happy and beautiful you were on the day of your wedding, and all the fun you had, how much you weighed definitely won't matter! Congratulations

TayJoMama

Please don't put off your wedding because of your weight. No one's wedding is perfect. The bigger picture is that you have a man who loves you and wants to marry you at the weight you are now,(sounds like). Don't let your size keep you from enjoying that fact. Don't put off your life waiting to get to your perfect size. you never know what you'll miss! Just lose what you can and after the honeymoon, keep going!! Congrats!

MisdemeanorM

I agree. I don't think I have ever seen a bride who doesn't look beautiful on her wedding day - any weight. Don't let your weight control things in your life, especially super important things. If you are worried about the photos, just do it, then maybe get some shots of you and hubby down the road as progress photos.

fitnesspirateninja

Weddings make people feel a little crazy. I remember thinking that I was too big to be a bride, and that I had too many tattoos. I wasn't the "right" kind of bride. That's crazy. The day of the wedding, I felt great. The pictures are amazing. I had a really fun wedding - in fact, I had so much fun I forgot to worry about what I looked like.

If you really think that you'll feel more comfortable by pushing the date out and getting in better shape, then you might want to do that. But I worried and worried and worried about what people were going to think of me and it didn't matter. Everyone there was invited because they love us. One person did make a comment about "all the tattoos" in my family (we have a multi-generational ink addiction), but it wasn't a mean comment, more of an observation.

I think that by the time August or September rolls around, you'll be looking and feeling amazing.

knittygirl52

Do NOT put your life (in this case your wedding) on hold because of your weight. That will only put you into a deep pit where it is difficult to climb out. Start living your LIFE now! Your new habits will be part of your new life. When you look at your pictures you will still glow and be beautiful. And as you lose more weight you will be able to look at them and say, "This is where I was--working my way through the process, getting better every day."

Oh, and remember: the wedding is not about the pretty pictures. It is about making a commitment to someone you love, to share their life, both good and bad. So you weigh too much? Well, that's part of the "not so good." What matters is not the perfection of the ceremony, or the flowers, or the reception, or your makeup, or your dress, or your pictures. What matters is that you are starting the rest of your lives together. (And this is from someone who has been happily married for 38 years.)

ajswriter

I wouldn't put off the wedding--I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Like someone else said, it's the marriage that's important. I hear you about photographs, etc. I have almost no pictures from my heaviest weight b/c I would not let anyone take them...lol..."No evidence..." Even now, I still have problems w/pictures and that's after having lost 69 pounds... A lot of this weight stuff is mental and it's hard to get over. Your wedding should be about you & your man and the love & commitment you share--dress, tux, weight, whatever, is all surface stuff.

August/September is at least six months away. You also don't have to wait to workout more until spring--walk outside now in a coat & gloves. The cold makes you walk faster! Make sure your food diary is public so people on here (me, too) can see what you're eating & give input. Let us support you & try to focus on losing the weight for YOU, not the wedding.

6Janelle13

I had wanted to lose weight before my wedding but that didn't happen and i actually gained weight with all the pre-wedding stuff. in the end though i still have some amazing pictures and my hubby and i both say that day was a blur. you soon to be hubby loves you as you are and as you'll be, don't cheat him or yourself of starting your future together because of your insecurities and vanities. You will be beautiful no matter what and get a dress that fits your and it will make you look and feel beautiful. It is one day that you will likely have a hard time recalling all the details after a few years. As for the pictures, most will end up in albums and only a few will grace your wall and be seen daily. In the end your life will have many more milestones that will be equally precious and your body will catch up to where your mind and heart wants it to be.

Pebble321

Your weight should not be the factor that determines whether you get married on a certain date or not.
if you truly love your husband-to-be and he loves you, then it is completely irrelevant.
It is very easy to get focused on everything having to be perfect on your wedding day, but really it is just one day.
The wedding industry and society blows it up to be a big deal, but more important is the fact you are committing to be together with this man for the rest of your life.
If the wedding day is only about looking a certain way, then honestly I wouldn't bother with it at all.
Maybe plan a photo shoot when you are at a certain weight so you have some lovely photos of you and DH, but don't focus on it for the wedding, you'll look beautiful because you are happy!

MobiusMan

OK, this comes from a guy, and a dad, and a husband. Your problem, as I see it right now, isn't your weight. The problem seems to me to be your self image and self esteem. I'm not going to get all psychological on you, I'm not equipped.

However, for both you and your prospective hubby, you both need to get comfortable with who you are as individuals first.

Love isn't conditional and you shouldn't care what your pictures look like. They are merely a representation of where you started your life together.

What you build together over the ensuing years is what makes that wedding day special, not the day itself.

Personally, I believe I would spend my energy on looking closely and deeply inside yourselves. If you start a lifelong commitment with fear and doubt; whether it be with your own feelings toward your prospective spouse, your feelings about how you look, your feelings about what others think, then doubt will follow you from the onset and it will be difficult to cultivate that which needs to grow to form a lasting bond.

However, if you come to realize that "this is who I am today", then, you step forward with a PARTNER to build and share the dreams of "who I will be tomorrow"

As a last word...no one will care. The people are there to share the day with people they love.

Keep your plans, both with your weight loss and your wedding and remember neither one is a sprint, they are both marathons there is no need to blast out of the gates, slow and steady wins the race.

Maybe you could be the first MFP live telecast wedding....I'm just sayin'

CarrieAbbey

Don't change your wedding date. I agree with everyone here. He you for you and that should be the only thing that matters. When I got married I was around 230lbs, but when I see the pictures of our wedding it reminds me of how far I've come. Keep going with your weight loss, get your dress and as you get closer to your date you'll have to get alterations. You'll look gorgeous no matter what your weight is.:smooched: And yes, I do think you'll get out and do more as the weather warms up too. Good luck.:flowerforyou:

Carrie