I'm fat. I know, I've just been told!

lilfatgirl
lilfatgirl Posts: 3
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
I'm having a hard time right now and this was the only place I could think of to go. I've been married for almost 11 years. Hubby and I just had a huge argument.. and he must've called me fat fifty times. I know you're all probably thinking.. what's the big deal.. I mean, I know I'm fat. the problem I'm having is.. He has NEVER called me fat. The sad part is.. I've been losing weight... In fact, I've lost almost 25 lbs.. 24 to be exact. I'm doing something about it.. and he picks now to crush me. I know he's upset with me.. but ummm.. I don't know. I'm just glad.. I thought I was glad that I was doing so well.
:cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad:

Replies

  • lilfatgirl
    lilfatgirl Posts: 3
    I'm having a hard time right now and this was the only place I could think of to go. I've been married for almost 11 years. Hubby and I just had a huge argument.. and he must've called me fat fifty times. I know you're all probably thinking.. what's the big deal.. I mean, I know I'm fat. the problem I'm having is.. He has NEVER called me fat. The sad part is.. I've been losing weight... In fact, I've lost almost 25 lbs.. 24 to be exact. I'm doing something about it.. and he picks now to crush me. I know he's upset with me.. but ummm.. I don't know. I'm just glad.. I thought I was glad that I was doing so well.
    :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad: :cry: :sad:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    Well, first off...WELCOME!!! Glad to *meet* you! :heart:

    I'm so sorry for you that your husband said that...I don't care if I have a scar on my face, ten arms, three eyeballs, and horns...Nobody has the right to say I'm ugly to my face...Well, they have the right, but it's just friggin rude! He shouldn't have said that, and it sounds like you know it or you wouldn't have told us like you did. Again, I hate that and sorry girlie!!! :flowerforyou:

    A loss of 24ish pounds is GREAT!!! Keep up the fantabulous work and you will be feeling like the summer hottie that you know you are in no time! :bigsmile:

    Have you filled out your HOME goals and information? Add your already weight loss to your starting goal, it will feel really good to wake up to that each day! :drinker:

    Anyway, WELCOME GIRLIE!!! GOOD LUCK!:wink:
  • alimassa
    alimassa Posts: 275
    :grumble: :angry: what is your address?? i will come smack him:angry::grumble:

    Do not let it get you down...25 pounds is AWESOME...keep your chin up. I know there is nothing worse then the one person you should be able to trust uses something like this to hurt you. I am sorry that you had to go through that.

    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, STAY MOTIVATED, AND IF HE DOES IT AGAIN...UPGRADE.. lol!!

    :flowerforyou:

    Ali
  • delanahub
    delanahub Posts: 56
    Oh sweetie we are always hardest on the ones we love and trust. When my husband and I fight (and it can get crazy mean, for no reason) he says hurtful things.. In a sane non-fight situation he has told me he doesn't even know why he does it during the fight, but he is purposefully extra mean. Your husband is proud of you and he said what he knew would hurt the most, he did it to hurt you so he could cover his own anger, hurt and frustration. Talk to him in the morning when all has blown over and discuss his outburst in a rational way so he understands how deep the wound cut, if he is a good man he will apologize. ( mine will sometimes cry, but you didn't hear that from me) Delana
  • allie5199
    allie5199 Posts: 240
    Im so sorry about your husband. You should be incredibly proud of yourself for your amazing job so far...pretty soon youll be looking so fabulous he'll be speechless!!! Welcome to MFP!
  • artnoren
    artnoren Posts: 54
    I've lost 67 lbs. since Christmas. My wife, who is over weight has not followed my lead. That's o.k. with me. I love her all the same. It is NOT o.k. to call your wife or anybody else fat! Maybe your husband feels threatened with your recent weight loss. Keep up the good work, you're doing great!
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    That is horrible and is something I have dealt with myself. It IS very hard to get past that and move forward with a man that hurts you like that. Just know that you are a good person and weight does not change that. And it is something you are doing something about. You should be extremely proud of yourself and don't let anyone take that good feeling away from you. EVER! :flowerforyou:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    I've lost 67 lbs. since Christmas. My wife, who is over weight has not followed my lead. That's o.k. with me. I love her all the same. It is NOT o.k. to call your wife or anybody else fat! Maybe your husband feels threatened with your recent weight loss. Keep up the good work, you're doing great!

    Yey Art!!! Great loss and great post!
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
    :bigsmile: Sounds like he has his own issues and that your positive changes are a bit threatening.
    as far as your weight loss, you are doing great!!! Keep it up. Fill out your profile and list the goals, sometimes it really helps to see it in writting.

    :flowerforyou: :bigsmile: :flowerforyou: :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:
  • jdtrainer
    jdtrainer Posts: 160
    I'm so sorry that your husband went there. Unfortunately, those closest to us know which buttons to push to get to us the most. That is exactly why he should not have said it. In your own home, with your your loved ones is the place you should be able to find a safe haven. I agree with Delana, when the time is right let him know how much he hurt you. Make sure he understands how badly he messed up! Keep up the great work and don't let his childish tirade get you off track.
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
    Sorry to hear that but use it as your motivation to keep going and keep losing weight he could have said it to hurt your feelings (I am very guilty of saying things to hurt people) but he also could have said it because he is insecure with you making yourself look better which also attracts attention from other people and sometimes when a spouse loses weight many people feel that they are ready to go back on the market- Don't let his words stop your motivation and determination use it as your fuel-- Keep up the good work
  • lilfatgirl
    lilfatgirl Posts: 3
    I appreciate all of you're moral support!! I really do. I've been crying for hours.. Silly isn't it. I just thought he was better than that. He's held out 11 years.. It's not like I was skinny when we married. I've just been trying really hard. He doesn't even realize that I'm skipping meals.. and barely eating. I was trying to do this to be a better wife. Maybe that's the wrong reason.. He's overweight too.. and I've never called him fat. It cuts really deep.:cry: I used to starve myself in my teen years.. I really wanted to do this the right way this time....
  • msarro
    msarro Posts: 2,748 Member
    *hug*
    Well, it sounds like he knows that its something he knows you're working on, and its the thing he knew would hurt the most. Its dirty, and mean, and rotten. But I think we've all said things we didn't mean... especially in really bad arguments.

    Still, I know words can cut really deep. Buck up, don't let it get to you. 25 pounds is way more than most people who set out to lose weight ever lose, so you're one hell of a winner so far as I'm concerned.
  • overthehillsandfaraway
    overthehillsandfaraway Posts: 179
    Congratulations on the weight you've lost! Your husband better apologize come tomorrow morning or he might get a swift kick in the tail for being rude. :explode: We all make mistakes and I'm sure he feels like a sour sport by now about it.


    The road may not get easier in this journey with our bodies but it brings alot of knowledge and pays off in the long run. Best of luck!
  • age1389
    age1389 Posts: 1,160 Member
    I appreciate all of you're moral support!! I really do. I've been crying for hours.. Silly isn't it. I just thought he was better than that. He's held out 11 years.. It's not like I was skinny when we married. I've just been trying really hard. He doesn't even realize that I'm skipping meals.. and barely eating. I was trying to do this to be a better wife. Maybe that's the wrong reason.. He's overweight too.. and I've never called him fat. It cuts really deep.:cry: I used to starve myself in my teen years.. I really wanted to do this the right way this time....

    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I feel for you. Don't let him get away with this!
    But please... I hope you are not starving yourself and are following the amount of calories your suppose to have. I don't want your weight loss to slow down from lack of food.
    You've done amazing so far, Keep up the good work:flowerforyou:

    -Adrienne:heart:
  • stschulz
    stschulz Posts: 340
    For starters here is a big hug!:flowerforyou:
    I looks to me as if that comment was made for no other reason than to just hurt you. We have all not been part of that fight and can not judge what was going on. But to say something just to hurt that person is not merely a fight or argument. I know.... things can get heated and sometimes things are said that you regret later. If he does not come and talk with you by himself you should start a conversation about that and talk that specific point out. You said he never did that before, so why now? What changed?

    Also, you should not try to loose weight or look "better" for anybody else but yourself. It is the wrong motivation and may ultimately not work. And it is the wrong reason. Anybody else needs to accept you the way you are. Especially someone as close as a husband. If YOU don't like it... well that's a different story. Then you change it. Otherwise you don't!

    Stay on this site and stick to counting your calories. Let him know what you are doing!

    But do it for YOU. Not anybody else.

    Hope things work out for you.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    Hi

    First off, congrats on the weight loss
    BUT please make sure you do it in a healthy way (NOT skipping meals and make sure you are eating enough)

    I think it's pretty low for your hubby to call you names....I'm sure he was talking out on anger/hurt, but there still is no excuse in my book
    When things cool down maybe you could talk it out...
    DH has NEVER commented about my weight..ever
    I'm sure I would be crushed as well, if he stopped to that level

    ((HUGS))
    Remember to be good to yourself....stand up for yourself and work even harder...for you )not anyone else)!!!!
    Also, don't let fat or skinny define who you are...you can be an excellent wife, regardless of your size....
    Kim
  • lessertess
    lessertess Posts: 855 Member
    Oh sweetie we are always hardest on the ones we love and trust. When my husband and I fight (and it can get crazy mean, for no reason) he says hurtful things.. In a sane non-fight situation he has told me he doesn't even know why he does it during the fight, but he is purposefully extra mean. Your husband is proud of you and he said what he knew would hurt the most, he did it to hurt you so he could cover his own anger, hurt and frustration. Talk to him in the morning when all has blown over and discuss his outburst in a rational way so he understands how deep the wound cut, if he is a good man he will apologize. ( mine will sometimes cry, but you didn't hear that from me) Delana

    Excellent advice and very insightful.....
  • areason4stars
    areason4stars Posts: 86
    You have already got some good advice but I just wanted to add

    some (((hugs)))
  • CuteDove
    CuteDove Posts: 49
    its been 3 days i guess.. everything must hv been ok by now

    anyways.. dont let these things spoil u..
    he will be the one sorry for what he said when u will be all " bold and beautiful"

    :heart:
  • sindyb9
    sindyb9 Posts: 1,248 Member
    You are doing great. He should never have gone there. :flowerforyou: My hubby and I have had some nasty fights over the 20 years we have been together but he would never go there and I am sorry for him. Now show him up and keep up the hard work. You need to do this for you. If you need anything let us know we are here for you. :bigsmile:
  • Wizzle
    Wizzle Posts: 97 Member
    Congrats on your weightloss!!! That is so great. You know what... my fiance has done that before to me as well. He never used to until I started to lose so much weight. We would get into a little spat about this or that and then he would call me fat. It really hurt my feelings because I felt like you. Someone who had done such a great job and then him saying that made me feel like I wanted to go binge eat. I think people in general do this when they know it will hurt us. I bet he didn't mean it. I know my love didn't mean, but that doesn't give them the right to act like that. Try explaining to him just how much it hurts. Once I explained it to my fiance he stopped doing it.

    I think we are all proud of your weightloss here and I am sure your hubby is too! Somtimes loved ones do stupid things when they are angry with us. Just tell him how you feel and keep working towards your goal. Your doing so great!!!!

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • abbychelle07
    abbychelle07 Posts: 656 Member
    Hopefully he apologizes!!!!!! Otherwise, he is still in BIG TROUBLE, don't let him off the hook. Calling you fat is a HUGE deal! So rude, and not at all supportive, especially since you are doing an AMAZING job losing weight.

    Just because you are fighting, doesn't give him the right to call names. I try to tell my hubby that all the time. If we are fighting and he is at a loss for what to say, he likes to call me variations of "stupid." It used to work and I would get really upset. Now I've learned...it just means that he is LOSING and he doesn't know how to get out gracefully! Plus he is better now because I would wait until we were done fighting, and make him talk about his word choice, and how that made me feel. If he doesn't want that conversation, he knows to bite his tongue!
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    The hubby and I got into it last night cause I ate dinner late. It all started with "You sure you should be eating that" for the umpteenth time I've heard that... It continued until bed and we haven't resolved it yet. I hope your man says he's sorry and I hope you know you should still feel amazing about your weight loss!! I've lost a meager 7 pounds and feel ok so 24 pounds? GREAT JOB!!
  • mholmes
    mholmes Posts: 949 Member
    Oh sweetie we are always hardest on the ones we love and trust. When my husband and I fight (and it can get crazy mean, for no reason) he says hurtful things.. In a sane non-fight situation he has told me he doesn't even know why he does it during the fight, but he is purposefully extra mean. Your husband is proud of you and he said what he knew would hurt the most, he did it to hurt you so he could cover his own anger, hurt and frustration. Talk to him in the morning when all has blown over and discuss his outburst in a rational way so he understands how deep the wound cut, if he is a good man he will apologize. ( mine will sometimes cry, but you didn't hear that from me) Delana

    Excellent advice and very insightful.....

    I agree as well!
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