Twenty-nine lines to make you smile

Carl01

From an email I got at work.

TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE


1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

jteammom

You forgot "Bad Spellers, Untie!"

promiseskept

Fun!! Thanks!!

FearAnLoathing

30. come to the darkside we have cookies!
31.welcome to the darkside are you suprised we lied about the cookies?

LynnBirchfield

Funny.

kngarber

Haha...love it!

mcanals123

32.Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.
33.When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
34.I refuse to tiptoe quietly through life only to arrive safely at death.
35.It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow

angela828

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

LOL I love that one.. I graduated from a liberal arts college with a BA in communications and it definitely has not gotten me anywhere lol

hroush

Kind of old, but appropriate:

36. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

and then by the same song artist:

37. Why don't you kiss, kiss this.

Voncreepy2

He is about as useful as a pocket on the back of a shirt!!!!