Advice on a Selfish Question

Liz75

Go for it, you are young and in need of a confidence boost, definitely go for it! Those early college days are precious, enjoy them, and if you need to put more effort into your appearance to boost yourself then just do it! Congratulate yourself on how well you have done so far, and don't fee guilty! Best of luck xx

janalayn

You aren't being selfish ... you are being honest. Not everyone's college experience is the "best time" of their life. I lacked confidence not only through college but really until I hit almost 40. I was thin until my 20's but never felt good enough. It took until I was 39 for me to realize my worth as a person and it was NOT determined by my weight or any other outside factor. As soon as I decided to like myself, things changed dramatically. Now, at 43, I finally decided that I like myself enough to be healthy and able to do the things I miss doing, like rock climbing (NOT a fat activity). Take care of YOU.... including a makeover if you want. You deserve to feel good about yourself ... though I know the inside is much more important than the outside, it may take you a few years to figure that out for yourself.

terrivision

I agree with "mlb929" comments. If you feel good about yourself on the insie first it will show on the outside. It is nice to pamper yourself but if you have self esteem issues, it takes more than a hair change and make-up to boost your confidence. I know from personal experience. As I got older and got to know, love, and learn more about myself my self estem began to increase.

So yes make overs are nice. I think you are headed in the right direction with your weight loss journey to help build your confidence and show yourself how strong you really are.

Good luck with your decision.

honeyrabbit

The quick response....definitely NOT selfish at all!!!!!

I don't even consider things like make-up and an occasional trip to a hairdressers as a luxury!!!
I certainly don't have tons of spare cash to throw around but I deem my beauty products as neccesity not luxury.
you have to start believing that you're worth it, you have every right to feel good about yourself and to look the best you can look regardless of whether you've reached your goal weight or not.

It's amazing how much your appearance impacts on the way you feel about yourself and if a make-over is what it would take to boost your self esteem...............then go for it I say!!!!!!

callipygianchronicle

There is nothing selfish about having a makeover or investing in your own beauty. Being overweight does not stop me from getting my hair and nails done. I do it because doing so allows me to look how I want to look. And treating myself with love feels good.

But please don’t misbelieve that having a makeover is going to make you feel good about yourself. Self acceptance and self love is what will make you feel good about yourself, whether you have a full head of hair and weigh 125 pounds or are bald and 250. Learning to love yourself can be a lifetime of work. It’s important work. But it has nothing to do with deciding whether or not to get hair extensions and makeup. Good luck!

kimmerroze

I am commenting again simply because I do believe that your confidence wont change, with new clothes makeup and hair products. While they may help you need to get past those inner insecurites first! before you will really start to see a change.

kimzxx

Personally, I think there are two sides to this: the Make - over and self confidence.

With regards to the make -over:

1. GO FOR IT!!!!!!
2. No it is not selfish at all!!
3. Most importantly - Enjoy!!

But on the other hand, as others have posted before, it is improving your self confidence from within which will make you feel good.
Yes a make-over will make you feel great, hair extentions, make-up, nails done, facials, etc but that feeling wont last long, until the highlights have faded or the new make-up doesn't quite how you want it to etc.

As others have said, write down possitive things about you. Get others to write possitive things about you and be sure to believe in these, read them and believe in them over and over and I guarentee, that feeling more possitive and loving you for you is better than any make-over.

I know you can do it....

Get yourself a make-over and enjoy it to the max - and you most certainly will !!!!

But remember to love you for you!!

dlaplume2

Selfish?? Diffinitely not. If you have the money to do it, I say go for it and post pictures. You can go to a local beauty school if you want to save some dough. This is obviously something you want, it's not like you are going out there and spending your rent money or someone elses money to do so.

When you get married and have kids you will need to make those sacrifices, (trust me) I think you should go for it.

MsFitnFabulous

I'll probably be in the minority with my opinion - but here it goes. Any reward to yourself like that should be just that - a reward. Not something you want to do just because. You didn't say how much weight you want to lose, and have you only been a MFP member for a short time, so I'm assuming you are just starting on your journey. That said - make it a reward for a big milestone.

Changing your appearance, it costly, then you will have to maintain as well. If you think your confidence is going to come from external factors, you need to reset your thinking. You need to focus on health and fitness, diet and attitude before you make a physical change. Besides it will feel so much better if you do it as a 30lb weight loss or 1/2 your goal, or whatever that may be, but make is a big reward for a big milestone.

That said, self confidence comes from inside. You need to find it. Write yourself a list of the really great things about you, don't put anything negative on it and read it every day. You can go for free and get a makeup make over at the mall where someone will teach you. Have them write it down and then ask for that at your next birthday as a gift or a gift certificate to get it for yourself then.

I'm all about not spending any money on things that aren't worth it - you may think it's worth it to you now but if you aren't going to put the effort into yourself first, it's not worth it in the long run.

I have to say I agree. I used to think I was so fat and ugly because that's what I always heard. You have such a pretty face BUT.....you might want to stop listening to others. I have a strong faith that tells me to love myself because God loves me. My niece's teacher would tell her class of 5 yr olds you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Take time to write some positive reinforcements for yourself. Adding to your appearance is great. But only when you acknowledge that makeup nor weave is the thing that makes you beautiful.

anubis609

Everything I do is all about me. I'm conceited that way. Selfishness does hone confidence in its own aspect. When you get things for yourself because you feel it's within your right to do so, let no person tear that asunder. Who are you losing weight for? You, right? Selfishness is subjective. There's the kind with positive connotations that harbors pride in accomplishment, which boosts morale and self-esteem, and solidifies decisions that you make. Then there's the kind that denotes a negative viewpoint of outlandish bratty and spoiled behavioral patterns which are actually masks for insecurity.

Bottom line, if it makes you happy. Do it.

musicgirl99

It's totally worth it and not selfish at all. If it will make you feel better about yourself than that's priceless. Also, if you feel better about yourself it might motivate you to workout even more. Go ahead and treat yourself!

amysj303

I agree with "mlb929" comments. If you feel good about yourself on the insie first it will show on the outside. It is nice to pamper yourself but if you have self esteem issues, it takes more than a hair change and make-up to boost your confidence. I know from personal experience. As I got older and got to know, love, and learn more about myself my self estem began to increase.

So yes make overs are nice. I think you are headed in the right direction with your weight loss journey to help build your confidence and show yourself how strong you really are.

Good luck with your decision.

I have to weigh in and agree with some of what's been said. It is not selfish, I just wonder if it will have the desired result. I think we are told that we will be happy, or self-confident, or have the time of our lives if we are thinner, prettier, with blonder hair and makeup. Marketing has told us this.
I think you should reward yourself with those things that you know you like, so you should try on extensions. Get a makeover at the makeup counter and then go home, look at yourself in different light, see how it lasts through the day and buy the really stellar products.
Extensions are expensive and they are hard on your natural hair, so try "real hair" my friend wore those for years and has extensions now. I personallly could not be bothered with the expense and upkeep, and generally would feel weird about hair that isn't mine, but you could always talk to a stylist and get their advice on the best cut and color, and products for making the most of what you have.
I don't know where you live, but you should look into the groupons/living social and other things like that, they often have salon visits and things like that to make it more affordable.
work on being less shy and less self-conscious by trying to get outside your own head, or changing the script that you tell yourself. Honestly, I have nothing against make-overs, makeup, salon treatments; but I think you would be happier if you volunteered your time at cause you feel passionately about, or helped out a charity.

chunkydunkbev

Your not selfish for wanting to feel good about yourself I'm wondering why you don't feel your worth a treat or to do something to feel good about yourself'. it sounds as if this is a long term issue with your confidence and I worry that you may not get the boost from changing your appearance that you're hoping for. I think spending a little on your appearance and looking for a confidence building course maybe more useful.
You are always worth spending money on but your also worth spending time on and that is usually a more valuable, long lasting investment.

whittrusty

I couldn't think of a better way to spend your money. It's not very often that you can buy self-esteem. If a makeover is all you need, it will be the best money you've ever spent, if it makes you feel more confident!!

That is the farthest thing from selfish. DO IT!

koosdel

I'll probably be in the minority with my opinion - but here it goes. Any reward to yourself like that should be just that - a reward. Not something you want to do just because. You didn't say how much weight you want to lose, and have you only been a MFP member for a short time, so I'm assuming you are just starting on your journey. That said - make it a reward for a big milestone.

Changing your appearance, it costly, then you will have to maintain as well. If you think your confidence is going to come from external factors, you need to reset your thinking. You need to focus on health and fitness, diet and attitude before you make a physical change. Besides it will feel so much better if you do it as a 30lb weight loss or 1/2 your goal, or whatever that may be, but make is a big reward for a big milestone.

That said, self confidence comes from inside. You need to find it. Write yourself a list of the really great things about you, don't put anything negative on it and read it every day. You can go for free and get a makeup make over at the mall where someone will teach you. Have them write it down and then ask for that at your next birthday as a gift or a gift certificate to get it for yourself then.

I'm all about not spending any money on things that aren't worth it - you may think it's worth it to you now but if you aren't going to put the effort into yourself first, it's not worth it in the long run.

Should I say it? I really want too. I really, really want to. I wish I had paid better attention in school... does anyone know how to spell condescending?


Back to the point. Looking back, I have no regrets about blowing money and buying nice things (I did protect my savings, gave myself a decent allowance) School and work was killing me. If I hadn't had those releases, I probly would have snapped.

Peyton115

I just have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE. I value every single response I have received, whether in favor of a mini-makeover or not. Your opinions and advice mean very much to me! I have never had the type of home relationship where I could talk about these things with family or friends, so opening up and admitting that I want to make a change for my self-confidence is a big step for me.

In response to a few questions received. Many people have recommended maybe waiting till a mile-marker since I am fairly new to MFP. I have to say that is definitely something that has been on my mind. Even though I am just now joining this weight loss program, this is certainly not the beginning of my weight-loss journey. I started seriously dieting in June of this past year. I have lost around 25 lbs since, and have about 25 more to lose. My MFP weight loss ticker doesn't reflect the weight I lost from June-January because I wasn't a member then. So I am about half way to my weight-loss goal. I wanted to wait until I reached my final goal weight before considering this mini-makeover but as some people said WHY WAIT? I don't want to wait for more confidence to just arrive on my doorstep, I want to go out there and get it. Since June I have been working internally on loving who I am. (Trying to think more positively, focus on my good qualities rather than bad, even talking to a professional about some issues) I think the reason I have been so reluctant to allow myself to get a makeover is simply because of the monetary factor of it all. One of the things I probably should have included in my original post but didn't is that whenever I think about treating myself to a makeover the FIRST thing that pops into my mind is, "money can't buy you confidence". So i completely understand where many of you are coming from. But I still want to be proactive about gaining more confidence. Confidence comes from within, that I know, but a small portion of it also comes from liking the way we look. The Beauty School idea some individuals proposed is AMAZING! Thank you! I did some research and we have a Beauty School only 20 minutes away from where I am now, so I think I will be giving them a call. As I said before, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE for your help and advice. I think I am going to go ahead and book an appointment with a hair-dresser to discuss my options and browse online for nice but inexpensive makeup. I am going to try to look at this not as being selfish, but as proving that I love myself enough to treat myself to something nice.

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE HELP AND ADVICE!

runs4zen

go get yourself the mini-makeover. How you feel on the inside is a reflection of how you feel you look on the outside.

deejaifresh

Completely worth it. Personally, I love the feeling of getting my hair done and doing my makeup, even if it's just to take a new picture or go for a walk. I don't feel like I NEED to do it in order to go out, but you're right, it gives you that little boost and helps you feel like you're looking good.

I went through the same thing a few years ago where I never really went out and had a good time because I didn't really think I was the type of girl who people wanted to go out and have a good time with because I was so self-conscious. Thankfully, I had a good group of friends that were crazy haha and brought me out of my shell I had put myself in. Then I went and got a dramatic haircut and some purple chunks dyed in and loved all the compliments. It may sound superficial to some but it made me happy to be noticed I guess by the people you see every day. Feels the same as losing weight and people noticing it coming off. And if that makes me selfish, then I'm glad I am, because it means I'm looking out for myself and looking to make me happy because I deserve it. And so do you!

honeyrabbit

Everything I do is all about me. I'm conceited that way. Selfishness does hone confidence in its own aspect. When you get things for yourself because you feel it's within your right to do so, let no person tear that asunder. Who are you losing weight for? You, right? Selfishness is subjective. There's the kind with positive connotations that harbors pride in accomplishment, which boosts morale and self-esteem, and solidifies decisions that you make. Then there's the kind that denotes a negative viewpoint of outlandish bratty and spoiled behavioral patterns which are actually masks for insecurity.

Bottom line, if it makes you happy. Do it.

I've already commented on this post but having just read THIS comment I have to say...I really couldn't have put it better myself!!!
What an articulate, well written and unashamedly honest viewpoint...I agree 100% with everything that was said!
To the guy who wrote this comment...'I take my hat off to ya fella!!'.

Denise6914

Not selfish at all. If it will make you more confident, go for it!