Starting again

Fab140

Should read 'Day Ten of Sobriety', but Lord forgive me, I am weak. :frown:

Before the hell fire starts raining down I feel I should at least make a few confessions. I worked hard last week to stay away from temptation, and did well. Well enough.

With each progressing day, though, my chest would feel tight and my blood pressure seemed to rise higher and higher until by Saturday, I was all over the place from being snuggely and giggely to crying at the drop of a hat to feeling as though the top of my head was going to blow off from anger and frustration. I felt so helpless that anxiety and shaking set in. My husband, being the lovely man he is, tried to console me....and took me out to eat. We talked at length (thanks to a consistantly absent and hard to find waitress) about what was going on. I compared my current experience to quitting smoking 5 years ago, but when I was quitting smoking, I never ever wanted to smell like smoke again, never wanted to be totally winded by just walking up a few stairs, and basically never wanted anything to do with cigarettes again. (It took up to about a year ago to not touch a cigarette or cigar at all ever. I used to smoke when I was frustrated in art class or when I was drinking socially....goodness!)

The difference with quitting smoking and what I'm attempting here with alcohol is that I have no intention of never having a glass of wine again or a cocktail while celebrating. What I'm attempting here is to make it something that is enjoyed instead of done out of plain and simple habit. I'm not making excuses, even if it sounds like it. I'm explaining myself because I got caught up in the swell of support for "sobriety". I believe it is my fault that I mislead you all. Putting "sobriety" in the title was a bit of a stretch. "Breaking the Habit" would have been a better idea.

I'm understanding if the feed back on this may be a bit negative or along the lines of "dang it woman". I may just stay off the forums for awhile. Disappointing people that I mislead isn't something I deal with very well.

:flowerforyou: Happy Monday anyway.
M

Fab140

Should read 'Day Ten of Sobriety', but Lord forgive me, I am weak. :frown:

Before the hell fire starts raining down I feel I should at least make a few confessions. I worked hard last week to stay away from temptation, and did well. Well enough.

With each progressing day, though, my chest would feel tight and my blood pressure seemed to rise higher and higher until by Saturday, I was all over the place from being snuggely and giggely to crying at the drop of a hat to feeling as though the top of my head was going to blow off from anger and frustration. I felt so helpless that anxiety and shaking set in. My husband, being the lovely man he is, tried to console me....and took me out to eat. We talked at length (thanks to a consistantly absent and hard to find waitress) about what was going on. I compared my current experience to quitting smoking 5 years ago, but when I was quitting smoking, I never ever wanted to smell like smoke again, never wanted to be totally winded by just walking up a few stairs, and basically never wanted anything to do with cigarettes again. (It took up to about a year ago to not touch a cigarette or cigar at all ever. I used to smoke when I was frustrated in art class or when I was drinking socially....goodness!)

The difference with quitting smoking and what I'm attempting here with alcohol is that I have no intention of never having a glass of wine again or a cocktail while celebrating. What I'm attempting here is to make it something that is enjoyed instead of done out of plain and simple habit. I'm not making excuses, even if it sounds like it. I'm explaining myself because I got caught up in the swell of support for "sobriety". I believe it is my fault that I mislead you all. Putting "sobriety" in the title was a bit of a stretch. "Breaking the Habit" would have been a better idea.

I'm understanding if the feed back on this may be a bit negative or along the lines of "dang it woman". I may just stay off the forums for awhile. Disappointing people that I mislead isn't something I deal with very well.

:flowerforyou: Happy Monday anyway.
M

SoupNazi

No Megan. No disappointment on my end. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. You can do this, girl. Don't let an inanimate object defeat you.

:flowerforyou:

stschulz

Nope, no disappointment. Wouldn't change anything anyway wouldn't it?
You are honest to yourself and you are trying. That is all that counts for me.

Can I ask you something though? I miss in your posts mentioning any support group. If that is true I highly recommend you look into that. It is a fact that your chance with a support group are way better than without.

Fab140

Nope, no disappointment. Wouldn't change anything anyway wouldn't it?
You are honest to yourself and you are trying. That is all that counts for me.

Can I ask you something though? I miss in your posts mentioning any support group. If that is true I highly recommend you look into that. It is a fact that your chance with a support group are way better than without.

A support group is something. I guess that is what I was using the forum for. :ohwell: Right now, working on my biggest demon is very important, though I don't think alcohol is that demon. I think it is something that stems from it, or is even used as a bandage for it. I'm not sure, but it's going to take time and soul searching before I can get my head around it.

peej76

I don't really think anyone is here to be disapointed, we're all here to support you, and we believe in you. Everyone has screwups, so try not to be so hard on yourself, you will do it, and it will not be the easiest thing you ever do! When I first started reading your post this morning, I also thought of smoking, I just quit a while back, and as with any kind of addiction, whether it be drugs, cigarettes, booze, food etc, it's all the same, and they will all be broken the same. Today is a new day, treat yourself with the respect you deserve and believe in yourself and believe that you can beat this. We're here for you!!!:flowerforyou:

pmkelly409

Good Morning

Nobody here will judge you! We have all had moments when we have fallen down and had to pick ourselves back up again.

I gently suggest that you consider that support group tho. Nobody here is a professional and while we can offer you the love, support and words of encouragement we are not trained at getting to the heart of a very emotional issue. There is a psychological answer/reason/cause for what you are experiencing and you owe it to yourself to explore those in a safe setting.

with love and respect,
Tricia