My Spouse Doesn'tSupport My Weight Loss Goals

falcrebe

I used to think I was the one who sabotaged my own success. Now I am beginning to see that my spouse has to get onboard or it will be futile to try to lose weight. What do you do when the person you love tells you not to bother, or brings treats to you. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I can't keep saying yes and still meet my goals. Help!

NightOwl1

It's definitely something you need to have a very serious and frank conversation about, and fast. He could be battling with his own insecurities (for example, worried that if you lose the weight you'll have more options and leave him). It's time for you guys to air everything out on the table and be honest with each other. Let him know how important this is to you, and how much you need his support on this. Hopefully you guys can work through this. If you are not able to do it on your own, consider counseling if you still can't work this out.

mommy2halfdozen

I would love to know the answer to that!

DrBorkBork

NightOwl is right on the money, honey! You need to have a heart to heart. Getting hubs on board is HUGE. Talk about how these lifestyle changes will improve his life, too. With healthier food in the house, you'll both be having longer lives together, and more fun in the sack. That should get his attention

kendf60

I decided that I had to be selfish and take care of myself. Eventually my family quit bringing me stuff or trying to get me to "just have a little". It took a few months, but now they seldom try to tempt me. It may take a while, but you can train him.

liscar

It's definitely something you need to have a very serious and frank conversation about, and fast. He could be battling with his own insecurities (for example, worried that if you lose the weight you'll have more options and leave him). It's time for you guys to air everything out on the table and be honest with each other. Let him know how important this is to you, and how much you need his support on this. Hopefully you guys can work through this. If you are not able to do it on your own, consider counseling if you still can't work this out.

COMPLETELY agree! My first husband would always have my favorite foods around when I was trying to lose weight ---- it turned out HE was insecure and was afraid that if I lost weight, some body else would find me attractive and leave him. Def need to work this out with him. Get to the bottom of it with him, just be honest, tell him what people here said. Also tell him that you love his little gifts, and would thrilled to see an apple or a new water bottle instead.

CallejaFairey

i wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings, since he obviously is not worried about hurting yours by telling you not to bother with what you are doing or by bringing the treats into the house. def need to put it all out on the line and tell him to either get with it, or shut up, as well as eat those treats out of the house!

bubbaduts

I had the exact same problem with my husband but i stuck to my guns and after 20lbs he saw i was serious and now is the best! he makes sure i have time for the gym even eats the "healthy" food i make. now almost 50lbs later he has also lost 20 lbs and is loving the new me because i love myself. Stick with it and he will see! I promise it just takes time hang in there!

ninyagwa

I told my husband I was tracking my food, I told him I was trying to be healthier, and he brought me home Burger King Breakfast....twice. My husband is loving, and supportive, and thinks it's great that I want to lose weight, but having never had weight struggles himself really doesn't get it, not even a little.

So I sat him down and told him that I don't mind if he chooses to eat differently from me, however he cannot bring things into the house that would trigger my bad eating habits or that if he did, he dang well better eat it all himself.

I'm not sure if that will help you, but it's helped me.

That_Girl

Maybe he is insecure and thinks if you 'get skinny', you'll leave him for someone else.

I think a good, long talk is necessary.

jchapman1957

My wife can understand exactly where your at right now. A couple of years ago I was the one not interested in dieting. I felt everything was fine and didn't want anything to change. She was able to lose weight but not keep it off. This time we are in it together and it is so much easier. Like everyone says, talk about it and let him know what's on your mind.

ShellyMacchi

warning... long ramble with some venting about my hubby *L*

i have to say... for the last few years i have been trying to get my husband on board with eating in a healthy manner. Partly for myself as i have always found it impossible to stick with my resolve when i was only one in household trying to do better that way.

BUT.. for last 3 years i have been battling him about eating better because HE desperately needed to do so!
He has acid reflux, irritable bowel, kidney stones every 6 months, high blood pressure, was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes just over 2 years ago, and last year he had a scare during stress testing at clinic, ended up having angioplasty and a stent put in, as well as still having one 50% blockage not yet treated.

He is your typical 'beer gut' shape.. even though he rarely ever drinks beer *L* (the typical worst place to carry weight, for men, around his gut and neck)... but has a family history of heart issues, diabetes, stroke and alzheimers.

And no.. he was NOT in this condition from my cooking *L*... the man has NO clue about portion control or restraint whatsoever.
Last fall i finally gave up.
After literally years of every approach possible on my part, from attempts at serious conversations; trying to reason with him about how his actions made me feel (he wanted to argue about that too, as if he could tell me i was wrong to feel how i felt!); literally begging him to show some consideration for ME as his lack of concern about his health made me feel like he didn't care how it affected me, let alone himself; to the most horrible arguements you can imagine; to literally threatening 'make some changes about your handling of your health or get out because i just DON'T need the stress of worrying about you all the time' kinda stuff (yes, heat of the moment can be a terrible thing).. he made few changes. And, i was so discouraged i was weak.. worn out, and because i felt i was fighting a losing battle, i gave up on my own attempts to eat healthy as well because i 'thought' i did not have the strength to do better when surrounded by his negativity about such changes.

So.. back to last fall... in November, after a visit to my Dr, talking about the stress i was feeling, i finally decided.. i no longer could stress myself out over his choices, and more importantly i could NOT use the stuff he brought into the house, and his lack of desire to do better, affect MY health. NO more excuses for me.

He was on his own but nothing he was going to be able to do or say was going to stop me from looking after ME (since it became obvious to me i would never be able to trust him to look after me if i ever needed it, i'd better stay healthy as long as i possibly could, for myself).

Now it is 4 months later... in total i have lost close to 30lbs (though i only joined mfp in January of this year and 10lbs is what shows here).
With that 'switch' being flipped in my head... deciding to look after ME regardless of how he chose to eat or what he chose to bring into the house, or how he chose to slowly commit suicide (harsh words but is how i felt)... i was and am, going to succeed in looking after me..no matter what.

And.. now that i have completely ignored his eating, though still provide the foods he should be eating, as i always have... now, slowly, he is starting to show signs of actually making some effort to do better himself.

The point is.. regardless of what he brings into the house... YOU can still choose to eat it or not. He is bringing in gifts you don't want to eat? don't eat them, say something like 'thank you but that just isn't going to fit into my eating plan for today.. go ahead and eat it for me if you want'.

Sooner or later he will catch on. You owe it to yourself to look after YOU *S*... cause the bottom line is... there is always going to be someone around who, whether in good will or subconscious attempt to sabotage, offers you treats that YOU know are not going to help you.. and the one person you can trust to look after YOU, should be YOU.

Don't give up because of someone else's actions or attitude, good luck in your journey.. you are going to do great *S*

Tomhusker

^^^^ Yeah, what ^^^^ she ^^^^^ said....

sarahlauren18

Uhh... I'm sorry!!! This isn't fair to have the one person that should be there to support you, completely trying to ruin it!!!! Listen though, you gotta push through all of this!! I have people at work that do this to me. They did it for weeks bringing in junk food and chocolate, burger king, mcdonalds, etc. I didnt let it bother me bc I had it set in my head already that I was going to do this. BUT I did learn that they obviously didnt want to see me succeed or were jealous that I was doing it !!! Hold your head up and keep going !!! He'll eventually realize how ****ty is being !!

kjsmith567

BE STRONG! I had the same issue with my BF because he didn't want things to change. When you stand firm and let him know that this is very important to you that is only step one. Then you have to prove that you mean what you say. So respectfully decline his offers to give you "just a little bit." When you begin seeing results he will become more aware of his own issues and turn a new leaf. It wasn't until I lost my first 5lbs and began seeing my body change that my bf began asking me what he should and shouldn't be eating. It was a happy moment in my weight loss journey.

STRENGTH AND WILL POWER are your best friend. Start now!! You've got this!!

cohollywood

My husband is one of those people we all hate - we just went on a 7 day cruise where we gorged ourselves with food at every available opportunity. I gained 8 pounds. He lost 3. It drives me CRAZY - but, he insists that we have our normal meals (unhealthy meals of course). If I ate what he ate for dinner every night, there's no way I would ever lose weight - so for me, it's about self control. Yes, there is a package of Oreos in our pantry right now I would love to eat - but I know I shouldn't, so I don't. He doesn't not support me - he lets me go to the gym whenever I want, lets me eat the foods I eat - but then, we'll sit down to watch a movie and he'll start chowing down on a Dove chocolate ice cream bar. I normally want to smack him, but I just tell myself that the Dove bar isn't worth it and move on.

I wish luck to you hun - it's really hard when people around you try and sabatoge you...hang in there! I like other's ideas of having a heart to heart - he could be insecure - but I know in our house, that's not the case.

crystal_sapphire

agreed with others. time for a serious sit down conversation

falcrebe

You are all so amazing and supportive! The talk did happen last night, and he has promised to be better. I am all about giving him the benefit of the doubt because we are really crazy about each other. I am hoping to get him to try to get healthy because I may be 15 lbs overweight, but he is 75 lbs over and has health problems because of it. Thanks for all of the imput, it is nice to know so many of you are out there backing me up and have been through the same situation!

Lindac67241

Ask him to act as your trainer, to monitor you to make sure that you are on track. Let him think he is apart of everything (your losing weight is threatening to him, he even might be a little insecure with himself), and I think you will see some positive changes in him. You got to let him know that with a few dropped pounds, he himself will even sexier to you, than he is now. He will be grinning from ear-to-ear.

Invite him to the gym if you go, so he can meet others and before you know it, he will be one of your biggest supporters.

Quote: When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better.