ENTERTAIN ME!

thelassiemickyjames

tediously waiting for my boyfriend to get back from band practice... TELL ME A JOKE!

Mine is:

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
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...HOMELESS!!!

bahaha.

In need of some foolish people to make me laugh.

DangerRanger

What 3 words does a woman not want to hear when having sex?







Darling I'm home!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

live2smyle

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

msbanana

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

SugarNtheRaw

A woman is out gardening at her home, and finds a old, rusty lamp. While wiping it off on her apron, a djinn popped out and said "I am here to grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your spouse will get twice the amount"
The lady first wished for $1 million dollars.
That afternoon, her husband came home from work, and said I have wonderful news! Today, I found $2 Million dollars in old family bonds!
That night, the woman wished for a new house, and the following morning the Husband found he owned two houses from recently deceased family.
The wife thought hard on her last wish, thinking of anything that could improve her life.
She called upon the Djinn and said "Beat me half to death".
:laugh:

live2smyle

A woman is out gardening at her home, and finds a old, rusty lamp. While wiping it off on her apron, a djinn popped out and said "I am here to grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your spouse will get twice the amount"
The lady first wished for $1 million dollars.
That afternoon, her husband came home from work, and said I have wonderful news! Today, I found $2 Million dollars in old family bonds!
That night, the woman wished for a new house, and the following morning the Husband found he owned two houses from recently deceased family.
The wife thought hard on her last wish, thinking of anything that could improve her life.
She called upon the Djinn and said "Beat me half to death".
:laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

That_Girl

I dated musicians. Notice the past tense of that one. BWAHAHA.....

That_Girl

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Great jokes!

donbogi

How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex? She opens the car door.

mdeshotels

A little old lady goes to the Dr and says, " Dr, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me to much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since i've been in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The Dr says, " I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Dr, I don't know what medicine you gave me, but now my gas..... although still silent.....smells terrible!!".

The Dr says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

DangerRanger

A little old lady goes to the Dr and says, " Dr, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me to much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since i've been in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The Dr says, " I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Dr, I don't know what medicine you gave me, but now my gas..... although still silent.....smells terrible!!".

The Dr says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

baaaaaahhhhaaaaaahaahahahahahahahahaha:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

thelassiemickyjames

HAHAHAH ALL of these are SO GOOD!