Frustrated beyond beleif!!!

tparkin

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

tparkin

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

Fab140

Have you talked to him, in a non-'in your face' way? If talking to him without getting emotional isn't possible, or hasn't helped, you may want to see a marriage counselor or your pastor. Finaces are the top reason most couples have problems that lead to the big D.

:flowerforyou:
Best of luck sweetie.

alf1163

Oh mine. This is a difficult situation. I don't want to be rude but it sounds like your husband is being selfish. Why couldnt he consult with you when he took the pay cut? You cannot keep this to yourself because your resentment will get worse. You really need to sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him about your feelings and try to reach a compromise. Good luck!! :flowerforyou:

kellch

You're going to have to let him know how it makes you feel. Without saying things like "you never do this or you're always doing this" etc...you get the point. And don't say "I do this and I do that" type of stuff making him feel like he's "not worthy" Let him know that you just feel overwhelmed and you need him around. Let him know that you want him to be around for the kids and that you need help. Try talking to him. If that doesn't work, I would say marraige counselling or a pastor also. Good Luck and we will support you anyway you can...:flowerforyou:

mrsyac2

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

This is just my opinion: So please don't take offense- Why is that you think he is being selfish just because he travels and you have to pick up the slack when he is gone? Just because he took a pay cut doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy his job- He is sacraficing too he has to leave the family to go and work- i personally dont see anything wrong with it-- My husband is in the Army (they don't pay enough) he is constantly gone and I work take care of our two kids ( I have raised my children more than half of their lives alone no exageration) I recently stopped working fulltime to take the summer off with my kids and I take care of the house-- Its not selfish of him to travel because of his job even if he took a pay cut maybe he is happier at this job rather then staying at a job that pays good that he is miserable- Do you think he is being selfish just because he told you to get a job? Sorry I don't want to be rude I think its selfish that you rather him give up his job so you won't have to get one-- Its 2008 women are bread winners too

tparkin

Thank you for the advice. I definately think a counsellor or pastor would be a great help. I need someone impartial, because everytime I try to discuss things, in a nice tone, his answer is just that I should get a job. So I can just add that to my enormous list of things to do while he's off traveling the world. I think he is being very selfish so it's nice to hear someone else thinks that also. I love my husband very much and I cannot complain about anything else in our relationship. He is a wonderful father and does not shy away from doing things around the house, but this issue is a matter of our livelyhood and I don't think it's fair for me and the children to have to do all the sacrificing for his dreams. Unfortunately, his parents back him 100% and I don't like to tell my parents this kind of info. so I have noone to stand with me. It should be both of us standing together.....shouldn't it?

Fab140

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

This is just my opinion: So please don't take offense- Why is that you think he is being selfish just because he travels and you have to pick up the slack when he is gone? Just because he took a pay cut doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy his job- He is sacraficing too he has to leave the family to go and work- i personally dont see anything wrong with it-- My husband is in the Army (they don't pay enough) he is constantly gone and I work take care of our two kids ( I have raised my children more than half of their lives alone no exageration) I recently stopped working fulltime to take the summer off with my kids and I take care of the house-- Its not selfish of him to travel because of his job even if he took a pay cut maybe he is happier at this job rather then staying at a job that pays good that he is miserable- Do you think he is being selfish just because he told you to get a job? Sorry I don't want to be rude I think its selfish that you rather him give up his job so you won't have to get one-- Its 2008 women are bread winners too

I see where mrsyac2 is going with this, though I have to say that tparkin's husbadns lack of communication with her is a big deal. And I think that is the direction tprakin was going. A career change should be discussed. And all parties that it will affect should have their opinions heard. My husband is military as well, but still we discuss all career related topics because his pay affects us both. It's about communication, plain and simple.

mrsyac2

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

This is just my opinion: So please don't take offense- Why is that you think he is being selfish just because he travels and you have to pick up the slack when he is gone? Just because he took a pay cut doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy his job- He is sacraficing too he has to leave the family to go and work- i personally dont see anything wrong with it-- My husband is in the Army (they don't pay enough) he is constantly gone and I work take care of our two kids ( I have raised my children more than half of their lives alone no exageration) I recently stopped working fulltime to take the summer off with my kids and I take care of the house-- Its not selfish of him to travel because of his job even if he took a pay cut maybe he is happier at this job rather then staying at a job that pays good that he is miserable- Do you think he is being selfish just because he told you to get a job? Sorry I don't want to be rude I think its selfish that you rather him give up his job so you won't have to get one-- Its 2008 women are bread winners too

I see where mrsyac2 is going with this, though I have to say that tparkin's husbadns lack of communication with her is a big deal. And I think that is the direction tprakin was going. A career change should be discussed. And all parties that it will affect should have their opinions heard. My husband is military as well, but still we discuss all career related topics because his pay affects us both. It's about communication, plain and simple.

Yes the change in the job should have been changed but that should've been discussed a year ago when it was about to happen-- not a year later when the economy is a jam and extra funds are needed in everyone's family because of jobs being cut, gas prices going up which makes the cost of food go up..

Fab140

Last year my husband left the racquets club he was managing and took on 2 contracted positions with Tennis Canada and OWSA. He has taken a HUGE pay cut and is now required to travel quite a bit. I currently stay home with our 3 children, but have worked in the past. It has gotten to a point in our finances when things have got to change. I have no problem getting a job, however I don't feel it is fair that my husband get to continue traveling around the world while I handle the house,finances,children etc. when he is not making even close to enough to support us. He tells me how people say to him all the time how lucky he is to have a wife that lets him do this kind of work, in yet instead of finding a way to increase his income, his answer is for me to begin working again. I don't know what to do, I am willing to find work but I don't think I should have to make all the sacrifices. Every decision that has ever been made with regards to his employment have been made soley by him regardless of my opinion, which I don't think is fair. I'm at the point where I am beginning to resent him. What do I do?

This is just my opinion: So please don't take offense- Why is that you think he is being selfish just because he travels and you have to pick up the slack when he is gone? Just because he took a pay cut doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy his job- He is sacraficing too he has to leave the family to go and work- i personally dont see anything wrong with it-- My husband is in the Army (they don't pay enough) he is constantly gone and I work take care of our two kids ( I have raised my children more than half of their lives alone no exageration) I recently stopped working fulltime to take the summer off with my kids and I take care of the house-- Its not selfish of him to travel because of his job even if he took a pay cut maybe he is happier at this job rather then staying at a job that pays good that he is miserable- Do you think he is being selfish just because he told you to get a job? Sorry I don't want to be rude I think its selfish that you rather him give up his job so you won't have to get one-- Its 2008 women are bread winners too

I see where mrsyac2 is going with this, though I have to say that tparkin's husbadns lack of communication with her is a big deal. And I think that is the direction tprakin was going. A career change should be discussed. And all parties that it will affect should have their opinions heard. My husband is military as well, but still we discuss all career related topics because his pay affects us both. It's about communication, plain and simple.

Yes the change in the job should have been changed but that should've been discussed a year ago when it was about to happen-- not a year later when the economy is a jam and extra funds are needed in everyone's family because of jobs being cut, gas prices going up which makes the cost of food go up..

We can go forever on this topic. :happy: but, shoulda woulda coulda is my least favorite game.

The main thing to a successful relationship is the ability to talk to your partner. About dreams, hopes, wishes, and really really serious stuff. Every woman/man is different. I commend those who can run a home and a career and still have time for themselves. I also applaud those who are brave enough to stay home and care for their children (man or woman!).

The important thing is that we speak to our loved ones, not resent them, not hope quietly that they will get a clue. And, it may be us that need that clue at the end of it all.

:flowerforyou: Now on to a happy and enjoyable Wednesday!!