Fear of Success

themissbgirl

I know people talk a lot about Fear of Failure...but I also think I suffer from Fear of Success. What if I lose the 80+ pounds I hope to lose? What is going to happen when I look in the mirror and no longer see the fat girl I've been looking at for my entire life? Will I still be the insecure girl that I am right now in my head, even after my body changes? or will my mind change as well?

I know it's probably silly to think about, and most people, if not all would say I was crazy to say, what if I don't like what I look like thinner, even if I don't like what I look like now? I know I will feel better, I will feel more energetic and healthier. I will look better, but what if I don't like it? My chest-well, I'm scared to death to lose what I have! There are other features that I have that I don't know how I'll feel when they are gone. I guess the big thing is, for 24 years I've been comfortable in this body even though I haven't liked it...and changing it is going to scare the heck out of me...maybe it's why I have waited so long to get started, and why even after I have started, I have stalled...and stalled...losing a little here at a time, but not really giving it my all. Not putting it all forward and just doing it...getting it done...

but I think I'm ready. It's exciting and a lot terrifying. I'm ready to go into a store and not have to buy 'fat' clothes, but actually buy clothes that I WANT to wear and not just because I have to because they fit. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see, I'm ready to have a healthy relationship with myself and hopefully in time, with someone else. For years, for months, for days, I've talked about how I'm ready to lose it and I am...I don't want my weight to hold me back anymore. To stop me from doing things I feel I would do if I was thinner and my weight wasn't holding me back.

Any thoughts? Have y'all felt the same? and for those of you who have lost weight and significant amounts, did you feel like the same insecure person in your head, even after your body had changed?

knittnponder

I think just the act of acknowledging and facing your fears has put you a little ahead of the game here. It is a journey not only of the physical changes you're making but mental as well. Keep journaling! Whether you use your blog or you write it all down in a cheap spiral notebook, write out your thoughts and how you're feeling about things. It will help you process what you're going through and assess yourself honestly. You will have a better chance of making a real change and remaking yourself all around. You can do this and the journey will be worth it because you are worth it!

ilvpsu

I think that it will be a gradual acceptance of your new improved self, as you will gradually lose the weight. Pretty soon, people you haven't seen in a while will tell you how great you look, and then, you will have to buy clothes because the other ones are too baggy on you. It is exhilarating! Go for it!

cyndi101

I agree with what you are saying. I have often thought...there are some people who are thinner than me yet they still have a "muffin top" and still do not look really good in their clothes. And, too, I have known people who lost alot of weight and then they somehow just didn't look quite right anymore...maybe because you have always known them to be a certain way forever. Not sure what the mentality is here. But I do know what you are saying, though. And then you have to think, it will in some way affect some of your relationships, too. Either for the good or the bad. So, yes, while I am ready, too, I do agree with you.