tell me a Joke...

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  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    A string walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey we don't serve strings in here! Get out!"

    Dejected the string leaves.

    Outside he has an idea. He ties himself in a knot and messes up his hair. Now he goes back in the bar and th bartender says: "Hey aren't you a string?!" and the String answers " Frayed Knot".

    love it!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    What's the difference between an oral thermometer and an anal thermometer?








    The Taste.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
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    A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"

    Googled not mine.
  • InstantSunshine
    InstantSunshine Posts: 355 Member
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    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    A Italian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
    One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
    Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
    On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
    (Please scroll down.)




















    What were you
    Thinking?
    He speaks english, Silly!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I was thinking "Oh No!! :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    Whats E.T short for???......................................................................................Cos he's only got little legs!!!

    I'd tell you a joke about a trash can......but its rubbish.....way!!

    Ok I'm leaving!!....:grumble:

    :laugh: It took me a moment to get the E.T. one. :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    I work at a jr high & the kids like to tell me Chuck Norris jokes::laugh:
    -Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad chuck Norris doesn't cry.
    -When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris'd
    -Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired
    -Death once had a near-chuck norris experience
    -Chuck Norris can drown a fish underwater
    -chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
    Hope these help, It's all I got.

    :laugh: :laugh: I love Chuck Norris jokes.
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,734 Member
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    Have you heard about that new movie called "Constipation"? If not, it's probably because it hasn't come out yet.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
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    Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their
    parents knew all about it.

    If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.


    The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he
    would speak with her boys.

    The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the
    morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

    The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know
    where God is, son?'

    The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

    So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'

    Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in
    the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'

    The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door
    behind him.

    When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happened?'

    The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time, GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

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