Starting ALL over again!

GrnEyz

So, as many of you have probably read I have been REALLY struggling to get going with my weight loss. I have been a member here for at least 2 months now and have GAINED weight! :sad: I set a goal for myself the 1st of May. I wanted to lose 30 pounds in 4 months. Not too difficult, right? Well, for most maybe not, but for me, apparently so! Now I have only 2 months left and 40 pounds to lose, which I know will never happen, because I want to do this the heathy way. So if I'm really good for this day foward, I'll still only go back to school 10 pounds less than when I left :grumble:

So here's what I think has been the difficult part for me (not that I'm making excuses or putting the blame on others ... I know it is ALLLLL my fault and I suck because I have ZERO willpower!) I am living with my sister-n-law while my brother is out of state working. I buy my own food, so I don't put a strain on them. She works graveyard, so I have to be super quiet all day while she sleeps. So when it comes to dinner time I don't want to cook anything (or in my case attempt to cook) because 1) I don't want to make too much noise 2) I don't have all the ingredients and I don't want to use too much of hers, but can't afford to go shopping every day! so I eat frozen stuff, like garden burgers, lean cuisine, etc. Or sandwhiches. And then I have a lot of healthy snack food around, though not as much fruit and veggies as I'd like. So, anyway, after being at her house for a while and eating "fake" food, I head over to my mom's house and then I BINGE because I'm just desperate for real food! So even if I do good for a couple days at my sisters, I undo it all in one fail swoop.

This has been my story for the past 2 months. Do good a day, maybe two (my record so far is only 3 days) but then I BINGE for at least one sometimes TWO days! Now not only have I undone some of the (very little) progress I had made, but I have gone past that adding another 7 pounds to the original weight loss goal! :sad:

I know about every two weeks I come on here and declair "Ok people, I mean it this time" only to write that I've blown it ONCE again! So if no one believes me this time, I'll understand, I don't really believe it myself either.

I really want to do something about this weight, I've never weighed this much before and it's really starting to affect my self-esteem. I have moved my mothers elliptical (which she never used) over to my sister-n-laws house, but have yet to use it (thats going to change once I've posted my novel). I also want to start working with weights so when I start my dreaded CNA classes I won't hurt myself.

Now my only problem is my living situation. if I stay living here I binge because I don't get real food. But if I move back in with my mother for the summer, then I not only have her who loves to eat, and can't even do good for ONE day....AND I have my brother who every other night is asking me to bake something (cookies brownies) for his daughter! But yet, over there I get out and walk more because it's a better part of town, and I'd have real food all the time which would probably stop the binging! so that's my little delima there.

As for my weight loss I've gone as far this time to take BEFORE pics and my measurements. So I intend to look at those God awful pics everytime I feel the need to feed! I just pray that I find my willpower and kick my butt into gear.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my LONG RAMBLINGS. I could really use support and advice, I really want to stick with it this time. and I DON"T intend to be saying this again in 2 week! :laugh:

:flowerforyou: :drinker:

GrnEyz

So, as many of you have probably read I have been REALLY struggling to get going with my weight loss. I have been a member here for at least 2 months now and have GAINED weight! :sad: I set a goal for myself the 1st of May. I wanted to lose 30 pounds in 4 months. Not too difficult, right? Well, for most maybe not, but for me, apparently so! Now I have only 2 months left and 40 pounds to lose, which I know will never happen, because I want to do this the heathy way. So if I'm really good for this day foward, I'll still only go back to school 10 pounds less than when I left :grumble:

So here's what I think has been the difficult part for me (not that I'm making excuses or putting the blame on others ... I know it is ALLLLL my fault and I suck because I have ZERO willpower!) I am living with my sister-n-law while my brother is out of state working. I buy my own food, so I don't put a strain on them. She works graveyard, so I have to be super quiet all day while she sleeps. So when it comes to dinner time I don't want to cook anything (or in my case attempt to cook) because 1) I don't want to make too much noise 2) I don't have all the ingredients and I don't want to use too much of hers, but can't afford to go shopping every day! so I eat frozen stuff, like garden burgers, lean cuisine, etc. Or sandwhiches. And then I have a lot of healthy snack food around, though not as much fruit and veggies as I'd like. So, anyway, after being at her house for a while and eating "fake" food, I head over to my mom's house and then I BINGE because I'm just desperate for real food! So even if I do good for a couple days at my sisters, I undo it all in one fail swoop.

This has been my story for the past 2 months. Do good a day, maybe two (my record so far is only 3 days) but then I BINGE for at least one sometimes TWO days! Now not only have I undone some of the (very little) progress I had made, but I have gone past that adding another 7 pounds to the original weight loss goal! :sad:

I know about every two weeks I come on here and declair "Ok people, I mean it this time" only to write that I've blown it ONCE again! So if no one believes me this time, I'll understand, I don't really believe it myself either.

I really want to do something about this weight, I've never weighed this much before and it's really starting to affect my self-esteem. I have moved my mothers elliptical (which she never used) over to my sister-n-laws house, but have yet to use it (thats going to change once I've posted my novel). I also want to start working with weights so when I start my dreaded CNA classes I won't hurt myself.

Now my only problem is my living situation. if I stay living here I binge because I don't get real food. But if I move back in with my mother for the summer, then I not only have her who loves to eat, and can't even do good for ONE day....AND I have my brother who every other night is asking me to bake something (cookies brownies) for his daughter! But yet, over there I get out and walk more because it's a better part of town, and I'd have real food all the time which would probably stop the binging! so that's my little delima there.

As for my weight loss I've gone as far this time to take BEFORE pics and my measurements. So I intend to look at those God awful pics everytime I feel the need to feed! I just pray that I find my willpower and kick my butt into gear.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my LONG RAMBLINGS. I could really use support and advice, I really want to stick with it this time. and I DON"T intend to be saying this again in 2 week! :laugh:

:flowerforyou: :drinker:

erussell

I can relate. I too totally suck and have been binging and gaining weight. I really can't stop! It's almost like an out of body experience, I can see and feel the fat growing and it doesn't seem real. I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and now I am feeling like I did before, its almost like seeing an old friend again, who I don't really like but is comfortable to be around. I DON"T WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT MY BODY AGAIN BY BEING OVERWEIGHT! I am just crying right now because I can't control my eating. Started MFP and diet plan on JUne 1st, have gained 3 lbs since then to make it a total of 44 lbs gaind back after 70 lost. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY am I doing this to myself?? I really need help.
I maybe we can encourage each other to knock off the bull-oney and get on track?? I wish I had the answers...for both of us!

Mary24

Come on you can do it! just go and find my posts and see the changes I'm starting to make!
Were in this together, Always post when your down the support you get is amazing, When i started I was so embarrassed of how bad I was eating and how little I was working out, but now I'm proud of myself I see me change, Just tack it one day at a time, Just think if this was you last day to be healthy would you eat right and exercise today or would you sit on the couch with a bag of potato chips.

Just today matters, yesterday is past, tomorrow is the future.

Mary

btingle89

I too totally understand. I had lost 10 pounds but after an increase in stress at work I have lost the desire to go to the gym and have gained the weight back. I am on medication for severe depression and I know that getting some of the weight off will help but I can not make my self go or even try to eat healthy. I am taking a vacation in July and I am dreading the plane ride because the seats are so tight.

We are in this together which I often forget. Like Mary said today is today and yesterday is the past. Let's take it one day at a time and see what progress we can make!!!! :flowerforyou:

christina31

First off, I believe in you! :flowerforyou: The hardest part is believing in yourself. You have to know you can do it to be successful. There was a quote on here a few days ago that really opened my eyes...(I know I'm butchering it, but it's close enough) "no matter if you think you can or think you can't you are right" Believing in yourself is so important! The way I do things is one step at a time. Live in the now. Set out a portion on a plate and tell yourself "I'll eat this and wait 15 minutes. if I'm still hungry then I can get a snack." By the time the 15 minutes pass, the food has hit your stomach and had time to tell your brain you are full. This also works with my exercise. I just tell myself, "if I can just get past the first set of cardio or the first 5 mailboxes"...you get the idea. Once you get up and start doing it, it gets easier. You can do it!

Christina

erussell

I thank you all for the support, I am not the one who started this thread but I appreciate your feedback. I especially like the idea about thinking today only counts, not yesterday or tomorrow. In my case, I may have to take baby steps like "only this 5 minutes count" in order to get through a whole "today". I am stuck in that cycle of eating wrong and then figuring since I blew it, why not just eat more??? Arghhh!!!! I hope that I can get myself straight and that Grneyz is able to accomplish what she needs to also. Thank you all for your great ideas and kind support.

aaubrey

I thank you all for the support, I am not the one who started this thread but I appreciate your feedback. I especially like the idea about thinking today only counts, not yesterday or tomorrow. In my case, I may have to take baby steps like "only this 5 minutes count" in order to get through a whole "today". I am stuck in that cycle of eating wrong and then figuring since I blew it, why not just eat more??? Arghhh!!!! I hope that I can get myself straight and that Grneyz is able to accomplish what she needs to also. Thank you all for your great ideas and kind support.

It is really easy to get in that cycle. What i do (yesterday is the perfect example) when I blow it (greek food 900 cal lunch) is say ok I am gonna go home and work out (video or jog) and try to kill some of those calories and have a light dinner (tuna sandwhich 240 cal). I might still go a little over but I am STILL in a deficit. That makes it not the GREATEST of all days but it is still ok and I know I wont gain. Also, I have had to remind myself constantly A.)food is not comfort, people are B.)food is not entertainment, my hobbies are. C.) I will feel better later if I don't eat it than I will if I enjoy it for those 30 secs. I hope this helps!!!

AJCM

Goals are good and bad - it seems that you are down at the thought that you would only be down 10 more lbs than when you left school. That is STILL 10 lbs!!!! And, it's still 20lbs from where you are now!!!

I tried to "start diets" so many times in the past year, but this clicked because I promised myself that I would never go back. Some days I eat my maintenance calories (no damage done - just no progress) and then most days I strive to stay to my weight loss calories.

Losing 1lb per week always you to eat most of the foods you love, right? So take it slow, and still have your foods. If you use food for other reasons (it sounds like it) then maybe try to behavioural changes. I loved to eat at night in front of the tv, so instead I take a bubble bath everynight, brush & floss teeth, do 200 crunches, and then have herbal tea. Anything I want at night, I can have in the morning.

I'm also trying to use exercise to work out some stress. I noticed that when things were stressful, I wanted "something to crunch" (chips, popcorn, etc) so I try to go for a run, a walk, or do something else. When I would feel down about something, I would want dessert, so I try to talk it out with someone now. I know this all sounds really corny, but I found it worked.

As for setting goals in the future... it's good, but don't get too stuck on a number. I had hoped to have lost 20lbs by this weekend (I'm going away on a trip) and I lost 16. 16 is not 20, but it is better than nothing!!! We need to celebrate our successes, even if we aren't perfect.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!! I've seen your pics, you are such a beautiful woman - think of how much more beautiful you will feel when you have acheived a goal you set for yourself!!!!
:flowerforyou:

GrnEyz

Thank you guys so much for your support. I am going to look back at this time to time to remind myself of all the great tips your have given!

I went up to Moses Lake this weekend to visit my brother so it was really hard to jump right into the "starting all over again" swing of things. I did work out the night before I left, but that's all I've been able to do. While I certainly didn't pig out (BIG achievment for me) I didn't really eat all that well (we had every meal out!) So I tried to share dinners with my mom and had 1/2 sandwiches for lunch. I did have a donut though (*GASP* :laugh: ) I did really good all morning not having one, but then I caved at the last minute. I was SO angry with myself, but the I tried to think of it from a different perspective. While, yes, I did cave and have a donut....it was A donut, not 4, 5 or a dozen, like I would normally do in the past. I was ONE. So that made me feel better about the whole thing, which actually prevented me from totally blowing it the rest of the day! :happy: So I think that was a GREAT example of how I need to change my thinking!

Anyways, just wanted to say thanks, and tell all of you that even though I did say I was starting all over again on thursday, I DID try this weekend! And since I couldn't get online to count cals (hard to anyways with restaraunt food), I'm offically starting tomorrow! I'll keep you posted....because I KNOW that you guys are just dying to know about my progress! :laugh: