How do you deal with overwhelming discouragement?

trekkiebeth

I've been exercising 3-5 days a week for over two months. I have never been that consistent with exercise in my life. I have only good food at home and I stay within my calorie limit...most of the time. I admit I've screwed up fairly regularly with social eating. I know I need to do better in that area if I'm going to see real results, but I'm gaining weight faster than I ever have in my life and it's freaking me out.

I've gained 20 pounds in the last year and a half and I've never seen myself so big. I feel like a gross blob and I'm about to start wearing my boyfriend's size large T-shirts because all my (mostly size small) shirts are too tight. (I'm too broke to go out and buy a new fat wardrobe, at least while I still have a shred of hope of losing weight.)

This week I started increasing my cardio by going from doing 30-40 minutes on my stationary bike to doing 20-30 minutes of walking plus 30 minutes on the bike. Today I did a whole hour of cardio (walk + bike). I also started adding work with 5-8 pound weights. It felt good...until I looked in the mirror. Like I said, I've never seen myself so big and I want to cry whenever I look in the mirror. The more I exercise the more useless it feels since I just keep getting bigger.

How can I deal with such overwhelming discouragement? Help!!!

Mads1997

You don't have your diary open so people won't be able to help you there but check your sodium levels. Are you eating lots of processed foods?

rileamoyer

Remember as you exercise you build muscle which weighs more than fat (it also burns calories more efficiently) eventually you notice a difference. That said, if you haven't had a full physical lately, it wouldn't hurt to check with your dr. Some health issues can cause weight gain.

AshliKrasz

I would start with a physical just to be safe.

AshliKrasz

PS I see your weight now is 151, that is my goal weight and I am on inch taller haha. I'm betting you look great! I didnt realize you were so slim to start with I'm betting you are gaining muscle!

trekkiebeth

I'm not having too much sodium and I eat all healthy stuff, mostly organic. I'm getting the proper amount of all the food groups except perhaps veggies, but I've been getting better at working those in too. I drink almost nothing but water.

It's not muscle because my clothes aren't any looser; they're tighter. I look fatter.

trekkiebeth

PS I see your weight now is 151, that is my goal weight and I am on inch taller haha. I'm betting you look great! I didnt realize you were so slim to start with I'm betting you are gaining muscle!

I'm up to 153.5 now. I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was just a year and a half ago and I'm at my highest weight ever, so I don't feel slim.

elizamc

That's so hard when you are putting so much effort in x. I agree to see your Doctor, maybe so try completely different exercises? And try out some new foods? I know I get into a rut and stuck eating the same old foods, a change could be a 'kick start'?
I would also encourage you to pat yourself on the back as you must bs much fitter with all the exercise... Keep going!

captdrea

Get a full work- up from your doctor. You can always call on help from God.

NoExcuseTina

Please open up your diary so people can take a look at it and help you! Sometimes what we think is "healthy" food is not as healthy as we think. I have struggled with weight loss my whole life and thought I was always eating healthy.

Another thing to do is to see your doctor...usually an unexplained 20 pound gain (or loss) is something they like to start running tests for...things they will check might be your thyroid.

Good luck!

trekkiebeth

The only thing I can think is that my social eating is killing it, although I don't know why I'm gaining so fast when I'm doing so well with exercise.

I mostly need to know what do to about how I'm feeling. The overwhelming discouragement and depression and wanting to cry when I look in the mirror.

dbanks80

I admit I've screwed up fairly regularly with social eating. I know I need to do better in that area if I'm going to see real results, but I'm gaining weight faster than I ever have in my life and it's freaking me out.

You'd be surprised how cheat days can affect weight loss. If you eat healthy 5 days out of the week and cheat 2 days can put 1-2 lbs on at least for me. I can do workouts 7 days a week and I am talking about hard workouts running 5 miles 60 mins workouts etc...but if i cheat even a couple of days i can see weight gain.

Try committing for one month to follow your calorie intake coupled with exercising and i am sure you will see some results.


Good Luck!

sevenatenine

This is something my mom told me, "You did't get fat in one day, it took months of it slowly building up. It works the same way coming off. A little at a time."

catcrazy

how many calories are you on, how many of them do you eat, how is your sodium intake? How honest are you with your logging...do you log your fruit and veg and little bites of this that or the other. What apart from water are you drinking, do you log it? (had an MFP friend who stuck on her weight for ages finally suss that what she thought was low calories drink was actually full sugar and she was consuming 1000 cals a day just in fluid!). Do you check the nutritional info on the foods you add...do not trust entries marked with a * ...they're others users entries and are often way off the truth! Apparently you cant build muscle on less than about 1400 calories (maybe higher) so unless you are on that or above I doubt its muscle building

trekkiebeth

I don't have insurance that covers checkups. It only deals with serious medical issues as they appear.

I haven't used my diary here in a while since I eat basically the same thing and the same amount every day. (Except when I screw up at restaurants.) I've posted about it before and asked people I know and no one seems to think there's anything wrong with how I'm eating.

trekkiebeth

**** I mostly need to know what do to about how I'm feeling. The overwhelming discouragement and depression and wanting to cry when I look in the mirror. ****

jkestens63

I think part of it is that you want to see immediate results. You have mentioned a couple of times how you used to be and you may be wanting to see that same person in the mirror now after a couple of months of semi-change (and I say that only because you admit to not doing well with the social stuff). It took you a year to put it on, its going to take that to get it off and keep it off. You also have to fully commit - otherwise you really won't see any concrete results.

You can continue to beat yourself up or you can take a step back, take a deep breath and be realistic. This takes a lot of hard work and truly a change in lifestyle. There are sacrifices to be made and if you're not willing to truly make them, you will continue to be frustrated and discouraged. You would be better off accepting who you are than torturing yourself with who you want to be and not making the effort to get there.

I don't mean to sound harsh but that's the reality of weight loss. It sucks and its hard BUT in the end, if you stick with it, its so worth the reward of feeling good (to me looks are unimportant - even at my fattest I always thought I was a damn fine woman, but physically I felt like crap with a lot of medical problems so that was my initial motivation to lose weight).

And remember, fat or thin, usually what we see in the mirror is not what we really look like. We all have a bit of body distortion when it comes to looking at ourselves. How do you feel physically is most important.

tatwood106

HI,
You don't mention how long you are exercising for and how close to your calorie goal you consistently are. Are you logging your exercise calories? If you are not, you can put your body into starvation mode and it holds onto all the extra calories it can get. Check with your doctor first, but ironically it could be your not eating enough. Hang in there the closer you are to your ideal weight, the longer it takes to come off. Try exercises that target the areas where you feel you have extra weight. Good Luck!!!!

trekkiebeth

I think part of it is that you want to see immediate results. You have mentioned a couple of times how you used to be and you may be wanting to see that same person in the mirror now after a couple of months of semi-change (and I say that only because you admit to not doing well with the social stuff). It took you a year to put it on, its going to take that to get it off and keep it off.

I've done nothing but gain weight the whole time I've been trying. At this point I would be happy with very slow progress as long as it was in the right direction.

jkestens63

I don't have insurance that covers checkups. It only deals with serious medical issues as they appear.

I haven't used my diary here in a while since I eat basically the same thing and the same amount every day. (Except when I screw up at restaurants.) I've posted about it before and asked people I know and no one seems to think there's anything wrong with how I'm eating.

This is what I mean by fully committing. Track your food - that is like the basic rule of any weight loss plan. Any program, any doctor, any article, anyone who has been successful at losing and maintaining a healthy weight will tell you that is the key. Its so easy to let little things get by and you don't realize how many calories you are actually consuming but snagging one cookie there, a glass of wine there, an extra piece of bread, fully calorie dressing. You can't approach this half-heartedly because you will continue to fail.

trekkiebeth

I don't understand why I'm still being asked about my eating habits when I've already given that information or why I'm being asked how long I exercise when I already gave that information too. Plus I've written this twice:

**** I mostly need to know what do to about how I'm feeling. The overwhelming discouragement and depression and wanting to cry when I look in the mirror. ****

trekkiebeth

This is what I mean by fully committing. Track your food - that is like the basic rule of any weight loss plan. Any program, any doctor, any article, anyone who has been successful at losing and maintaining a healthy weight will tell you that is the key. Its so easy to let little things get by and you don't realize how many calories you are actually consuming but snagging one cookie there, a glass of wine there, an extra piece of bread, fully calorie dressing. You can't approach this half-heartedly because you will continue to fail.

But I said that I eat basically the same thing every day except when I mess up at a restaurant. The only variation would be something like having an apple instead of an orange. I don't have any cookies or alcohol or high calorie dressing in the house at all. I drink only water 95% of the time.

kicklikeaGIRL

I've done nothing but gain weight the whole time I've been trying. At this point I would be happy with very slow progress as long as it was in the right direction.

You've gotta be honest with yourself. Weightloss doesn't happen over night, and as we get older and into our later 20's...our metabolism isn't has high as it once used to be. You may be disappointed that you aren't losing pounds...but have you tried measuring yourself to see how many inches you've lost? Are you REALLY eating healthy? Do you "cheat" on more days than you think? Are you being 100% honest with the foods you are eating and logging? Are you eating enough? Are you exercising and pushing yourself? Or are you just getting on the bike to get on the bike and say you've exercised? Are you strength training? Are you mixing up your exercise routines?? Are you stressing out about things? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating clean foods? Are you eating a lot of sodium? Are you eating balanced? Are you eating smaller portion sizes and meals? Or are you eating a bulk of your calories all at once?

I ask these questions simply because I've been there...in fact...I'm there right now. I would LOVE to lose the last 20 pounds I have to lose....but I'm on a serious plateau. We're talking a plateau of a YEAR. a YEAR!!! I realized about 6 months ago that I wasn't being 100% honest with myself. I was going out to eat with my hubby more often than I realized, and I was having "cheat" foods a lot more frequent than I thought. And I was eating the bulk of my calories for 3 meals, rather than spreading it out. I also wasn't eating enough filling foods (fiber! yummm). I realized I also needed to really push myself with exercise. Push a little deeper each time. I also started to get some more variation in my workouts...did some HIIT workouts...a little Zumba...running...cycling...kickboxing...boot camp... a huge variety! Being honest with myself helped me to get past the "I'm pissed and can't lose weight" mode and focus on what I could do better. Even if I couldn't lose the weight, I was determined to FEEL better.

But, one of the things I've learned is that the scale isn't the only "determining" factor. I decided to start measuring to get an idea of how many inches I have lost. Because honestly...if I could look super lean and ripped at 150..I'd totally take it. In fact...I have a friend who was 160...and stayed 160...but went from a size 12 to a size 3. Now, thats what I'm talkin about!! I don't care about the weight (now that I am in the "healthy" range BMI) as I do about the inches lost.

I'm now in my marathon training for this year...and despite the fact I have gained 2 pounds in the last month of training...I feel amazing, and my clothes fit SO much better! I measured my inches lost, and I am amazed.....and maybe someday the scale will move downward too!!!

I hope that helps! Trust me...more people have been there than you think. Do something that makes YOU feel accomplished and good.

pinkgigi

The key is 'except when I mess up in a restaurant'. That will derail you every time, especially if you have a couple of alcoholic drinks. Also if you are eating the same every day you probably need to mix things up a bit. Basically don't expect different results if you are behaving the same way and failing.

The best way to deal with overwhelming discouragement is positive action. Every person is giving you some advice regarding that, my advice is avoid the restaurant or make sure you eat as cleanly as possible if you go.

GG

racheyanne1

I totally relate. I got a new boyfriend last year and I put on 20 pds quick. Everyone was saying I was getting so large and for me, i didnt really care b/c I was happy. A year later, i looked in the mirror and felt like a blob. Unsexy, unattractive and down. I was crying all the time. My boyfriend kept telling me I was hot, but I didnt think so. I couldnt fit anything and like you - I was too damn broke to buy a new fat closet.

I started losing slowly, 6 pounds. Then I joined here and lost another six and some inches. I still struggle. I'm dropping but not as fast as I would like It's so hard and it get so frustrated. I cry and get ****y with people all the time b/c I'm so down.

My advice is this: work hard. Sweat. Walking and bikes are good - but running burns fat. Look up from couch to 5k, good start. Also - tell yourself all the time that it takes TIME and PATIENCE. Be positive - when you workout and you know you've done well, pat yourself on the back.

Social eating and drinking are still very hard for me. I just do my best to manage. It's really hard. But I tell myself do I want that double cheeseburger and fries more than I want to feel better about me? I picture myself in the mirror crying and that does the trick. Instead I'll get a regular burger, no fries. it helps.

Second piece of advice - step away from the scale. They're evil. You dont have to track your weight weekly. It's frustrating to see numbers stay in place. Try weighing-in once a month. This really helped my sister who lost 50 pds in a year. I'm trying to do the same. Same thing with measuring, only once a month.

Stress will also keep you heavier. You need to try to relax. Again, patience. focus on the positives. If the mirror makes you sad, stay out of it. I'm telling you, at the end of a month - if you're exercising and eating well - you will see change and be really happy.



You can befriend me if you want. I'm very supportive and I know what you're going through. it's tough.

kicklikeaGIRL

Also, to continue my ramble..haha... I was going to say that you look GREAT! And honestly...when you don't have a lot to lose...it takes longer. I always think of how long it took me to put on the extra 20 pounds...and it probably took me a few years to put on. Actually I know it did. So...I'm ok with it taking a while to get off. My body seems to think its "happy" at this weight...but I'm not satisfied!!

You CAN and you WILL do this!! Don't get stressed...I always have to tell myself that...because stress=weight gain. Do what makes you feel good!!!

jkestens63

I don't understand why I'm still being asked about my eating habits when I've already given that information or why I'm being asked how long I exercise when I already gave that information too. Plus I've written this twice:

**** I mostly need to know what do to about how I'm feeling. The overwhelming discouragement and depression and wanting to cry when I look in the mirror. ****

If you are that depressed and unhappy, the answers will not be found here. You need to find someone to talk to in person - whether its a minister, counselor, psychiatrist. The reason we are focusing on the food & exercise angle is because no matter what state your head is at, if you don't change the behaviors that you made you gain the weight - you can be the happiest person in the world and you will still be overweight. We can't give you advice about what is making you depressed - but what we know is how to eat right and exercise. One thing to consider, rather than focusing on what is in the mirror, focus on just changing the lifestyle regardless of what the outcome is. And it doesn't have to be a complete 180 all at once. For example, for a month - when you go out with friends skip dessert, or alcohol or the high fat side dish (ex switch mashed potatoes for steamed cauliflower). Make one healthy change in habits and focus on that. Start building up. If you have some success in smaller things it may make you feel better too.

crystal_sapphire

The only thing I can think is that my social eating is killing it, although I don't know why I'm gaining so fast when I'm doing so well with exercise.

I mostly need to know what do to about how I'm feeling. The overwhelming discouragement and depression and wanting to cry when I look in the mirror.

one thing to remember is that weight loss is 80% food and 20% exercise meaning that what you eat is what contributes the most to your weight loss

2011EP

I put on 35 lbs within the last year and a half and I feel so gross because this is the biggest I have ever been in my life. And even though I'm making small progress I just can't be happy with myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. I am afraid of dropping things on the floor in public because I it's embarrassing for me to have to pick it up and I think about not getting up out of my seat during class because it draws attention to my weight. I understand how it feels to be at the lowest possible point. My cholesterol is too high and I skipped my period 8 times last year.

I think the best thing to do is realize we're living our lives more healthily and this is really for the best and that you'll only start to see change when you embrace this whole weight loss thing as a way to make yourself more beautiful, to be the best you. As for the numbers on the scale, keep up the excercise and meet your eating goals and you should see change. The most important thing is to never give up---believe.

I believe in you. You seem like a strong, smart individual. You got this!

trekkiebeth

racheyanne1: Thanks! My boyfriend also tells me I'm hot, but I don't think I am. I think I'm going to take your advice about the scale. That would probably help my stress too.

2011EP: Thank you for the encouraging words!