Lack of support

carrieloveshk

Okay. The person I spend the most time is my boyfriend. And he loves eating! He doesn't have a problem eating fast food, and things like that. Today I'm feeling a little down because I feel like I ate a lot. I don't even know how many calories my dinner had, because it was at a random restaurant, but I tried to (more or less) do some calculations. I got home, and worked out, but I'm still feeling a little heavy.

Perhaps I'm just giving it too much thought. Hmmm.

ms_erica

i can totally relate to u on this one. I been trying to loose weight as well but its so difficult to do so when the father of my children doesnt take me seriously. instead of him being supportive it seems as though he tries to ruin my efforts and tempts me into eating bad food....sometime si wish he could jump on board and do this with me but he has no motivation!! what i've come to learn is to not let it influence you and just worry about u...in the long run you will feel happier

shipleyd

If you are giving it to much thought then so am I! My hubby doesn't provide much support when it comes to eating other then to tell me, " you shouldn't eat that cuz your on a diet." I just wanna hit him....lol

I am fairly new to MFP so if you want to befriend each other then we can support each other!!

Higglyjiggly64

I was going to post something like this myself, only I was going to call it "couch potatoe quarterback". My hubby sits on the couch and tells me I should do my push ups this way and my sit ups that way, etc. He keeps stopping at fast food places when I am hungry. I just try to make the best choices I can. NO french fries! Take off the bun, salad, etc. I hope it works. Good luck to you!!

sallyLunn

Remember, you are doing this for YOU. Calculate your calories as close as you can, drink lots of water and exercise. You can't worry so much about support. You have to be your support. MFP can help to be your support. Don't expect the people in your life to line up with your goals. It is too much to expect from them.

Remember, this is about you, for you.

carrieloveshk

At least I feel better to know I'm not alone. It's just hard, because if I was alone I know I'd do better eating healthy. Instead he'll show up with some high calorie snack or meal, and I'm like... omg! lol I try my best to make the best choices, also with no fries or soft drinks (that are not diet)

I'm giving it my all. SallyLunn, you're so right! I keep trying to remind myself about the fact that this is for me. I cannot change the world around me, just my eating habits.

I really appreciate your words. You can definitely feel the love and support at MFP.

EricInArlington

you can always eat before you go out, and when you get to the place he wants to eat just get a side of veggies or a side salad. My wife gives me a hard time about how all I talk about is the cals. of this and that and buys crap at the store like Ice Cream, cookies and all kinds of 100 cal. junk. I just keep doing my thing theres nothing much you can do, in the end we will be the ones with what we want, for better or worst ....lol I guess this is what they mean

carrieloveshk

Oh the ice cream! Don't get me started on the ice cream. For better or for worse indeed. Haha.

Higglyjiggly64

Ice cream.....did someone mention ice cream?!?!?! OOOOhhhhh......

tatiana_13

Its a hard thing to do, but you're going to have to figure out strategies that don't involve "doing it together" with your boyfriend. In a perfect world, you and your boyfriend would be eating the same food, working out together, and be logging on to MFP together. And maybe in time, the two of you will meet in the middle somewhere. But right now, you've decided to make a change...he hasn't. The worst thing you can is to nag him about his choices...that just creates resistance...and, isn't really being fair to him either. You didn't change until you were ready...he won't change until he is.

When I first started making healthier choices, I tried, as much as I could, to keep the "diet talk" to myself. Log into MFP when you want to talk about calories and portion sizes and nutrition and high fructose corn syrup. Because, the truth is, we *are* a little boring and obnoxious when we talk about these things obsessively! That's why we're here, so come here and obsess! Use home as practice for real life. I knew what I was suppose to eat, what I wasn't, and I didn't need to say boo about it. If you brought home brownies, I wasn't going to yell at you, or cry, or make you responsible for whether I ate them or not. You could offer them to me, and I could say, "oh, no thank you." No drama...just, no thank you. Hint: If you say no consistently enough, they will eventually stop offering. That's true at home, at the office, at your mother-in-law's...pretty much anyplace. The only reason why they keep offering is because, right now, you consistently say yes.

As another poster suggested, practice getting healthier options when you all go out to eat. I admit, its harder then it would be if you had a "weight loss buddy" as a boyfriend. But if people who have to feed small children milk and cookies can do it, so can you...its harder, but not impossible.

Make positive rather than negative suggestions. Suggest new restaurants to try, where there might be tastier, healthier options for you, as well as for him. Suggest some new activities that maybe don't include food. You'll both be having fun, doing something new, and it won't be about "your diet" but about the two of you trying new things.

But yes...its hard. All suggestions aside...its hard. But you can do it. I know you can.

carrieloveshk

Tatiana, thanks a lot for your words. I'm feeling a lot better. You're completely right. I promise I'll take this into account, and work hard to not lose focus! I shouldn't be complaining, and I know it; I should just work hard to achieve my goals!

kittyinaz

I had the same problem. I struggled and struggled with getting my boyfriend to get on track with me, but it just ended up blowing up in my face. I kept telling myself that since he wouldn't change I would have to do it myself.

It's a hard thing not being able to eat with your loved one because for a lot of couples, that's the only time you have the time in this busy world to be together - during meal times.

BUT, if you really want to get to your goal then you have to separate yourself from what he eats. It sucks, but it's worth it. My boyfriend hates that we can't eat together (and so do I), but he's very proud of me for sticking with my plan.

sophiajackson99

I agree with Tatiana - I don't tell anyone in my life about what I'm doing on mfp either. I don't discuss it because I don't want anyone's opinions, suggestions, corrections or judgment. I want this to just be MINE, and the only way I can keep it thus, is to keep it to myself. For me, overeating has been a control issue, and when I talk continuously about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it, I give all my power away, and my interest and motivation wanes. That's just my experience though.

Also, I eat much much better when I eat at home because I'm making the food and I know the calorie content of the packaged foods I eat. Sometimes when I eat out I look up the calories on line (some restaurants provide it) and am shocked to discover the amount. I went to Panera with my parents over Christmas and I ordered the french onion soup and my Dad ordered the tomato because "tomato soup has fewer calories". Not when they add cream it seems. French onion = 200; Tomato = 370.

Be your own best support or come here for it as Tatiana said. (((((hugs))))))

kwardklinck

It's tough. When my husband doesn't like his weight, he just eats one meal per day. His meal is a whole frozen pizza. It makes me ill that he can lose weight eating that much food. When I started dieting, he was always wanting ice cream and stuff. He likes me to be small and healthy but it's almost like he rubs it in my face that he doesn't have a weight problem. I do it on my own and I refuse to eat anything I haven't planned for. We do go out to eat every now and then but we've cut it down dramatically.

tatiana_13

Oh, sometimes you need to complain! Because this is hard work. If it were easy, we'd all be thin, energetic, love vegetables, hate brownies, and wouldn't need MFP!

Just take it one day at a time, use us as support, and be strategic around your problem areas.

And don't give up. That's key. Don't give up.

kladams1

My husband ate 2600-3000 calories for almost 2 weeks and lost 3 lbs. I could have cried! I have been watching what I am eating for a while and he goes out and eats everything. Since we have been together I have gained over 30 lbs. So now I fix dinner and if he does not like what I fix he fixes himself something else.

KELM0710

what really stinks is when your husband notices that you are "really excited" about something (i.e. MFP) like I am and yet, he has not said one single word to me about any part of this..Not how are you doing with your eating or anything..and i know hes not afraid to tell me anything...I do have my best friend of 24 years so that helps me big time..

I havent even been doing MFP for a week yet..Saturday is 1 week and I am down 2.5lbs.. I feel pretty awesome..Cant wait to see what my weigh in is..Just not sure what day i should do it..

carrieloveshk

Omg! You guys are so amazing! I really didn't expect this much support and replies. It really makes me want to keep moving forward, and fighting for my goals.

I cannot thank you enough.