Binging....what is wrong with me.

tribbeal

So to start with some quick stats:

I'm a 19 years old, 118 pounds, around 5 foot 6. I go to an Ivy league school with a double major, have a nearly year long relationship with a very considerate guy and am wonderfully blessed in many ways.

Problem? I binge horribly. I don't throw anything up though; I just hit the gym really hard the next day. We're talking about huge binges. For example, I get out my boyfriend's peanut butter jar in the middle of the night and eat and eat...once downed almost 3000 calories of peanut butter in about 20 minutes. What drives this? No idea. I just get out of control and have to stuff myself until I am disgusted. I think berate myself in front of the mirror for awhile before crying to sleep. I have been fluctuating a lot in my weight -- but with the excessive amount of exercise I do, I keep it low. Perhaps too low at times?

So what do I do? I need a way to control it, and I thought tracking calories would help me feel more in control...but I just keep tracking at the number soars. I think I may feel a little gleeful when it hits ridiculous amount, like 3000 for a day. I've heard people say they take long walks, or call a friend, etc. Any other ideas? Counseling is already in session, but I'd rather hear some advice from people who actually go through this.

tribbeal

So to start with some quick stats:

I'm a 19 years old, 118 pounds, around 5 foot 6. I go to an Ivy league school with a double major, have a nearly year long relationship with a very considerate guy and am wonderfully blessed in many ways.

Problem? I binge horribly. I don't throw anything up though; I just hit the gym really hard the next day. We're talking about huge binges. For example, I get out my boyfriend's peanut butter jar in the middle of the night and eat and eat...once downed almost 3000 calories of peanut butter in about 20 minutes. What drives this? No idea. I just get out of control and have to stuff myself until I am disgusted. I think berate myself in front of the mirror for awhile before crying to sleep. I have been fluctuating a lot in my weight -- but with the excessive amount of exercise I do, I keep it low. Perhaps too low at times?

So what do I do? I need a way to control it, and I thought tracking calories would help me feel more in control...but I just keep tracking at the number soars. I think I may feel a little gleeful when it hits ridiculous amount, like 3000 for a day. I've heard people say they take long walks, or call a friend, etc. Any other ideas? Counseling is already in session, but I'd rather hear some advice from people who actually go through this.

blondeheat

Are you eating enough food throughout the day? In high school, I did not eat breakfast or lunch. I would then eat huge amounts of junk all night. I always exercised enough that I didn't gain weight but it sure was not healthy.

Another option, it sound like you are very busy with a lot of pressure to do everything right. Maybe it's your way of rebelling?

diannholland1965

To start with TRY to calm down.
As long as you are not purging.
This comes from someone that DID binge and purge when she was your age. THAT is hard if not next to impossible to overcomne without help.
You are at a decent weight for your height. Even though I know that might not be what you want to hear.
I do have a few questions however.
1) Are you binging on Peanut butter and nuts? Or do you add other foods to this and what are they?
2) Are you binging at the same time each night?
3) are you aware that you are binging when you binge? OR do you suddenly relize what you have done AFTER you have eaten.
4) Are you craving what you are binging on or just the first thing that you can lay your hands on.
5) Do you keep track of your calories through out the day? Are you below them by a large degree?
--Diann...

lotusfromthemud

Actually, depending on how much exercising you're doing, you are doing a form of purging.

High achieving females, (which it sounds like you are) often have an extreme desire to control everything, but even more than that, to do everything "right". This is why you're overeating in private, in my experience.

I have found that journaling helps tremendously. When you feel the desire to binge, make yourself write for 2-3 pages, stream-of-consciousness style. You don't even have to read what you write, but it gives you a chance to articulate your emotions. Although this sounds silly, it really does help. When I binge (and I still have the urge to do it) it's often a desire to numb feelings of anxiety, which in my case is almost always the "never good enough" fear. The journaling helps me get in touch with these fears in a non-threatening way, and although actually feeling these emotions is hard, it won't hurt you physically in the way that a binge/purge cycle will.

The food diary helps, too. . .you can watch patterns of high-intake, to see what influences your binges.

Most of all, try to be gentle with yourself. I'm sure you have plenty of external stress without adding internal pressure on yourself.:flowerforyou:

reynaaday

Hello,

I think that maybe you should see a therapist. Sometimes it helps to talk about these types of things as their might be something that you are trying to suppress. You might also try joining an overeaters anonymous group. That helps as well.

Reyna

tribbeal

Thanks for the journaling suggestion; I think I'll have to try that. I do try to eat balanced meals, I have noticed though, that if I have a big breakfast I get set off, like I have failed for the day, so I might as well eat everything. Which is silly, because a "big, big" breakfast for me is max 600 calories but it does it.

To start with TRY to calm down.
As long as you are not purging.
This comes from someone that DID binge and purge when she was your age. THAT is hard if not next to impossible to overcomne without help.
You are at a decent weight for your height. Even though I know that might not be what you want to hear.
I do have a few questions however.
1) Are you binging on Peanut butter and nuts? Or do you add other foods to this and what are they?
2) Are you binging at the same time each night?
3) are you aware that you are binging when you binge? OR do you suddenly relize what you have done AFTER you have eaten.
4) Are you craving what you are binging on or just the first thing that you can lay your hands on.
5) Do you keep track of your calories through out the day? Are you below them by a large degree?
--Diann...

To answer some of these: Yes, I binge on peanuts, nuts, wheat thins...basically anything salty. I've never really liked sweet food. And sometimes I will binge on nutter butters or oreos, but I don't like them and do it more as a punishment for myself.

And the binging used to be late at night, but lately it's started even around noon. And I do know what I am doing while binging. I aim for about 1500 calories a day, plus I eat another 500 or so from exercising.

diannholland1965

IN SHORT...
OK Your body is probably telling you that you are not getting enough protien.
Nuts and Peanut butter are protein rich foods. YEAH they are high in fat, but these are decent fats, not so much the bad fats that we hear about all the time.
When you work out as much as it sounds like you are doing, your muscles need the protien to repair and build. Hinch the desire for protien.
Also if you are working out too much, as you said you have a craving for salt, this means that you might be sweating too much, according to your body and it wants to replunish the salt that you are sweating out.
The body is an amazing thing, it lets you know what it is needing.
This does not always lead to health choices however.
IE when you crave the sweets and stuff like that.
--Diann...

yoginimary

Thanks for the journaling suggestion; I think I'll have to try that. I do try to eat balanced meals, I have noticed though, that if I have a big breakfast I get set off, like I have failed for the day, so I might as well eat everything. Which is silly, because a "big, big" breakfast for me is max 600 calories but it does it.

This statement worries me. You have "failed" after 600 calories? You're on a diet to lose 3 lbs (saw that in your profile) - doesn't this strike you as odd? Unless you are in training, it should.

I think you are binging because you are trying to be perfect. If you deny yourself foods and you consider eating normal amounts failure, your knee-jerk reaction is binge. It's an all or nothing philosophy that never fits in the real world. Unless you are able to come to terms with this on your own through journaling or whatever, you should seek help. You are "exercise purging" like viviakay said. I wish you the best of luck in your self discovery.