Very upsetting for me
TwiFan5
Posts: 419 Member
I was told by my pop today that I was getting a bit of a pot belly and I should start walking more even though I walk a lot already, this upset me because I am already not happy with my weight and have only just started to like wearing tight tops so now I'm not wearing them until I lose weight, I weigh roughly 47 kgs and am roughly 145 cms tall, I am really stressed out by this and don't know what to do.
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Replies
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honey, you are in the healthy range. Your BMI is around 21. To get down to 35kgs would put you very underweight, even for someone as small as you.
Forget the actual weight, but it may be worth you doing exercise exercise especially on those stomach muscles - it may be that this 'pot belly' may be more about lack of stomach exercises that any excess weight.
Don't worry about the actual number on the scales and just eat healthily and keep at it. At your age you don't want to be cuttng out too many things from your diet as you will face big problems later on.0 -
your pop as in your dad?
Why do fathers think its ok to comment on their daughters weight? They are the LAST person that should do that. Easy way to create an eating disorder0 -
I would be very careful about losing too much weight at your age! Take no notice of what your Dad said! I think your main problem is not your weight, but your obsession with your weight...... If people tell you you look fine, you do! You, and only you, are in charge of your thoughts and feelings and only you can decide how to feel! Other people cannot. If someone says something to you (as your Dad did) you can choose to feel bad or good about what they said - You are in charge of your feelings. So, here's an idea.....Choose to feel positive about yourself and decide to not let others control how you feel. ( I only learned this when I was much older than you are now)
You are a lovely young woman and you can achieve your goals if you want to - tell yourself that frequently (even if you don't believe it)
Just my thoughts.....take them or leave them x0 -
It is definitely not cool that your dad said that to you. I would think about his motivation for saying it before I allowed it to effect how you view yourself. I dont know your dad, but I feel ALOT of fathers make comments like those, step out of bounds with their words, as a way of exerting control in a situation that they feel they are losing complete control in. Your profile says you are 19. You are at an age where a dad is probably feeling like you are growing up and his reach is slipping. Not saying that all dads say things like that and I am not justifying what he said, but your actions will reinforce his words. You said you were just starting to feel comfortable wearing tight tops. Maybe your dad's motivation for saying that you have a pot belly is to make you stop wearing tight tops without him saying, "Stop wearing tight tops."0
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My dad used to make stupid comments too, about how if there was a shipwreck everyone could live off my legs! I wasn't fat at all (165cm, 55kg) but I think my dad just didn't know what to say at the sight of so much leg. I think, sub conciously he wanted me to cover up more. It sounds like your dad needs a bit of a lesson in health AND manners.
I know BMI isn't flawless as a system, but I would suggest looking for a goal weight that isn't underweight. You have a body for life, be good to it!0 -
Brian makes a very good point - your dad might not even realise it himself, but it's quite possible he is just being overly protective (controlling...?) about what you are wearing. Don't take any notice!
I am worried by your aim of getting down to 35 kgs. That would put your BMI at 16.6, WAY underweight! You are bang in the normal range now, and it does sound like you need toning up more than losing weight.
As for bellies...admittedly, many of us are harbouring extra fat on our bellies, but some of the 'pot belly' appearance is actually down to posture. The first thing my dance teacher taught us was to engage our lower abs slightly when standing in a 'normal' posture, this pulls your stomach in and makes your tailbone point more downwards rather than backwards. Over time, this helps develop your core abdominal muscles and reduces strain on your lower back as well. And guess what, when she demonstrated the 'wrong' posture, i.e. slack muscles with bum sticking out, it looked like she had a mini pot belly even though she is very slim!
Look after yourself and please don't go overboard with the weight loss - you are already at a healthy weight, where it really pays to shift your attention to exercise instead
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Your weight is absolutely fine for your height, don't go dieting! Women naturally store fat around the belly - it's to protect the womb amongst other things. You could try doing a few exercises for your abs to tone up, I recommend yoga and pilates, but you honestly don't need to be losing weight. Good comments from @dzilobommo about posture too, yoga and pilates can help with this.
Just a thought - is your dad in the best shape?!0 -
I thought of posture too. If you learn to stand better it may help your confidence too, and you might start to understand that you're not fat at all. If you really do want to lose I'd aim for 40, and see how you feel when you get there.0
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Sweetheart you are not overweight! And your Pop was talking out of his a*s. He was, like another poster said, trying to put you off revealing clothes because to him you are still his little girl.
If you do have a little poochy belly, try doing some exercise to strengthen your abs, or even walking can help.
And most of all, don't let your Pop get to you! He's going to have to accept that you are a young woman now and not his little girl.
Hugs0 -
honey, you are in the healthy range. Your BMI is around 21. To get down to 35kgs would put you very underweight, even for someone as small as you.
Forget the actual weight, but it may be worth you doing exercise exercise especially on those stomach muscles - it may be that this 'pot belly' may be more about lack of stomach exercises that any excess weight.
Don't worry about the actual number on the scales and just eat healthily and keep at it. At your age you don't want to be cuttng out too many things from your diet as you will face big problems later on.
Yeah I know that but it doesn't make me any happier knowing that, I am actually going to change my goals.
Yeah I suppose so, what are classified as stomach exercises.
Ok then I will try, I have pretty much cut out take away and chocolate.0 -
your pop as in your dad?
Why do fathers think its ok to comment on their daughters weight? They are the LAST person that should do that. Easy way to create an eating disorder
My pop is my mums dad
My dad used to comment on my weight all the time and still does every now and again, I hate it because I am already self conscious enough as it is.0 -
I was told by my pop today that I was getting a bit of a pot belly and I should start walking more even though I walk a lot already, this upset me because I am already not happy with my weight and have only just started to like wearing tight tops so now I'm not wearing them until I lose weight, I weigh roughly 47 kgs and am roughly 145 cms tall, I am really stressed out by this and don't know what to do.
Kick him in the shin. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Just kidding I think you just need to ignore him and in time he will see. I have to keep my weight loss conversation to a very minimum around my dad. 1st he insisted I was working out too much and had to take a day off. I was only working out 1/2 hour a day and I lead a very sedentary lifestyle. (desk job) Then last week he told me I was losing weight too fast.
What can you do with them? *sigh**0 -
I would be very careful about losing too much weight at your age! Take no notice of what your Dad said! I think your main problem is not your weight, but your obsession with your weight...... If people tell you you look fine, you do! You, and only you, are in charge of your thoughts and feelings and only you can decide how to feel! Other people cannot. If someone says something to you (as your Dad did) you can choose to feel bad or good about what they said - You are in charge of your feelings. So, here's an idea.....Choose to feel positive about yourself and decide to not let others control how you feel. ( I only learned this when I was much older than you are now)
You are a lovely young woman and you can achieve your goals if you want to - tell yourself that frequently (even if you don't believe it)
Just my thoughts.....take them or leave them x
Ok then, it was actually my mums dad that said it but my dad has said lots of nasty stuff to me about my weight, yeah I guess so. I have only being self conscious of my weight and how I look since year 10, Ok then I will try.
Ok then I will try and tell myself that and maybe then I will believe it.
Thank you x0 -
It is definitely not cool that your dad said that to you. I would think about his motivation for saying it before I allowed it to effect how you view yourself. I dont know your dad, but I feel ALOT of fathers make comments like those, step out of bounds with their words, as a way of exerting control in a situation that they feel they are losing complete control in. Your profile says you are 19. You are at an age where a dad is probably feeling like you are growing up and his reach is slipping. Not saying that all dads say things like that and I am not justifying what he said, but your actions will reinforce his words. You said you were just starting to feel comfortable wearing tight tops. Maybe your dad's motivation for saying that you have a pot belly is to make you stop wearing tight tops without him saying, "Stop wearing tight tops."
It was actually my mums dad that said it to me but my dad used to comment on my weight all the time and still does sometimes, Yeah I guess so, yeah I was but not now, yeah maybe.0 -
I was told by my pop today that I was getting a bit of a pot belly and I should start walking more even though I walk a lot already, this upset me because I am already not happy with my weight and have only just started to like wearing tight tops so now I'm not wearing them until I lose weight, I weigh roughly 47 kgs and am roughly 145 cms tall, I am really stressed out by this and don't know what to do.
Kick him in the shin. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Just kidding I think you just need to ignore him and in time he will see. I have to keep my weight loss conversation to a very minimum around my dad. 1st he insisted I was working out too much and had to take a day off. I was only working out 1/2 hour a day and I lead a very sedentary lifestyle. (desk job) Then last week he told me I was losing weight too fast.
It was my mums dad that said this to me but my dad used to make nasty hurtful comments about my weight and still does, I hate it, I do TAFE so it really is not that active but I can exercise on my breaks. I used to weigh 46 kgs in 2009 and then lost 3 kgs in the beginning of 2010 then put 4 kgs back on at the end of 2010 and I hate it.
What can you do with them? *sigh**0 -
Sweetheart you are not overweight! And your Pop was talking out of his a*s. He was, like another poster said, trying to put you off revealing clothes because to him you are still his little girl.
If you do have a little poochy belly, try doing some exercise to strengthen your abs, or even walking can help.
And most of all, don't let your Pop get to you! He's going to have to accept that you are a young woman now and not his little girl.
Hugs
I know that I'm not overweight but I still feel like I am fat, my mums dad (pop) was the one that said it to me but my own dad use to say nasty stuff to me and still does, I hate it because it makes me more self conscious then what I already am. What exercises can I do and how do I find information on them.
Ok then thank you0 -
I thought of posture too. If you learn to stand better it may help your confidence too, and you might start to understand that you're not fat at all. If you really do want to lose I'd aim for 40, and see how you feel when you get there.
How can I correct my posture, I am going to aim for 40 kgs and then I might stop there.0 -
Your weight is absolutely fine for your height, don't go dieting! Women naturally store fat around the belly - it's to protect the womb amongst other things. You could try doing a few exercises for your abs to tone up, I recommend yoga and pilates, but you honestly don't need to be losing weight. Good comments from @dzilobommo about posture too, yoga and pilates can help with this.
Just a thought - is your dad in the best shape?!
But I feel like I am fat and when I look in the mirror that is all that I see, yeah I know, what exercises can I do.
My mums dad is my pop and he is in better shape then what he used to be in, my dad is skinny and has issues with weight just like me although it doesn't stop him from saying nasty stuff to me.0 -
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but nobody in my family has ever had any problem with directly telling me I'd look better if I lost weight. Also family friends. And strangers from dance recital audience would tell me that too. Always Chinese people being straight up honest (now I realize that I actually DO have a bulgy belly that probably looked pretty bad especially on stage), but of course in American culture everybody says "You're not fat!" even if you are :grumble:
Anyway, you might be "skinny fat" So instead of trying to lose weight, just try to tone up Just because you are at a healthy weight doesn't mean you are healthy on the inside as well. First, get a second opinion from somebody who will be honest with you. Then you can try doing some cardio and core strengthening exercises to improve your figure. The numbers on the tape measure will be more important than the numbers on the scale! Best of luck to you I am sure your Pop didn't mean to insult you - he just didn't know how to sugarcoat it 
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Arrgggg I'm angry for you. My dad used to say stuff too, and it made me so angery. I was in good shape a 6/8 at 5'7 and very strong in high school and yet my dad would make comments. it really upset and hurt me, and now he feels bad about it. Years later I gained a ton of weight and a lot of it was emotional issues.
Your young and beautiful, and healthy embrace that. And you don't need to cut out the chocolate, just eat moderately. It's good to cut out take out just for health reasons, but eat a balanced diet and that includes a few splurges now and then.
If you want to 'tone up' perhaps try some yoga or pilates, they really focus on your 'core' and tightening up your stomach.
Good luck and feel good.
Ven0 -
My dad used to make stupid comments too, about how if there was a shipwreck everyone could live off my legs! I wasn't fat at all (165cm, 55kg) but I think my dad just didn't know what to say at the sight of so much leg. I think, sub conciously he wanted me to cover up more. It sounds like your dad needs a bit of a lesson in health AND manners.
I know BMI isn't flawless as a system, but I would suggest looking for a goal weight that isn't underweight. You have a body for life, be good to it!
Yeah maybe, it was my mums dad that said it but my dad used to say nasty things all the time.
I know, I am just going to try and reach 40 kgs0 -
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but nobody in my family has ever had any problem with directly telling me I'd look better if I lost weight. Also family friends. And strangers from dance recital audience would tell me that too. Always Chinese people being straight up honest (now I realize that I actually DO have a bulgy belly that probably looked pretty bad especially on stage), but of course in American culture everybody says "You're not fat!" even if you are :grumble:
Anyway, you might be "skinny fat" So instead of trying to lose weight, just try to tone up Just because you are at a healthy weight doesn't mean you are healthy on the inside as well. First, get a second opinion from somebody who will be honest with you. Then you can try doing some cardio and core strengthening exercises to improve your figure. The numbers on the tape measure will be more important than the numbers on the scale! Best of luck to you I am sure your Pop didn't mean to insult you - he just didn't know how to sugarcoat it
Yeah maybe, I will try and tone up but I still want to weigh 40 kgs, who would I get an honest opinion from, thank you yeah I know my mums dad (pop) and my dad don't mean to insult me but it doesn't make it hurt any less.0 -
Arrgggg I'm angry for you. My dad used to say stuff too, and it made me so angery. I was in good shape a 6/8 at 5'7 and very strong in high school and yet my dad would make comments. it really upset and hurt me, and now he feels bad about it. Years later I gained a ton of weight and a lot of it was emotional issues.
Your young and beautiful, and healthy embrace that. And you don't need to cut out the chocolate, just eat moderately. It's good to cut out take out just for health reasons, but eat a balanced diet and that includes a few splurges now and then.
If you want to 'tone up' perhaps try some yoga or pilates, they really focus on your 'core' and tightening up your stomach.
Good luck and feel good.
My mum's dad (pop) has never ever been like this before but my dad has said it and it hurts me and makes me so upset, I am a strong girl and can hit pretty hard, I have issues with losing my temper pretty quick when provoked and hate it.
Ok then thank you
Yeah I am going to give that a try.
Thank you I will try
Ven0 -
I always have a pooch when I wear low-rider pants. Even skinny girls have this problem. You can try either wearing pants that cover a little more of your belly or get some good control top panties to suck it in. A pooch doesn't mean you have to lose weight. Try toning and the above suggestions. Hang in there!0
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Brian makes a very good point - your dad might not even realise it himself, but it's quite possible he is just being overly protective (controlling...?) about what you are wearing. Don't take any notice!
I am worried by your aim of getting down to 35 kgs. That would put your BMI at 16.6, WAY underweight! You are bang in the normal range now, and it does sound like you need toning up more than losing weight.
As for bellies...admittedly, many of us are harbouring extra fat on our bellies, but some of the 'pot belly' appearance is actually down to posture. The first thing my dance teacher taught us was to engage our lower abs slightly when standing in a 'normal' posture, this pulls your stomach in and makes your tailbone point more downwards rather than backwards. Over time, this helps develop your core abdominal muscles and reduces strain on your lower back as well. And guess what, when she demonstrated the 'wrong' posture, i.e. slack muscles with bum sticking out, it looked like she had a mini pot belly even though she is very slim!
Look after yourself and please don't go overboard with the weight loss - you are already at a healthy weight, where it really pays to shift your attention to exercise instead
Yeah I will try, thank you so much for all your advice, I will keep you all posted on how I go, I do want to end up weighing 40 kgs.0 -
I always have a pooch when I wear low-rider pants. Even skinny girls have this problem. You can try either wearing pants that cover a little more of your belly or get some good control top panties to suck it in. A pooch doesn't mean you have to lose weight. Try toning and the above suggestions. Hang in there!
Ok then thank you so much0
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