How to help others

sconns21

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to help others who struggle with good nutrition and weight.

My mother is quite heavy and has a terrible relationship with food. She doesn't actively want to diet but I know she has issues with food because she has dieted a lot in the past and had an eating disorder as a teenager. She eats really unhealthily and I worry about her health. I try to educate her about eating well and cooking your own food but she just eats processed food all of the time. She knows how to cook because she used to cook when we were little.

She has suffered from depression all of her life and I know that if she ate better and did more exercise her depression would improve. She also never goes out, has no friends and sits in front of the TV all night. She claims she has no time to cook but that's because it would eat into her TV watching time. She also gets very stressed about work and is extremely negative about everything.

My dad is not much better, he is diabetic but eats lots of sugar, drinks lots of beer and red meat. He works away so always eats unhealthily in restaurants. He could quite happily manage on tablets for his diabetes but his diet is so bad the doctor has now put him on insulin injections.

I know it's their own life and they can live it as they please but I would like to have my parents around for a long time. They don't seem to be happy either. All they have in their life is work, each other, the TV and shopping trips.

How can I help them without imposing my opinions on them and offending them?

meggonkgonk

Just keep letting them know how happy you are, so they have the opportunity to ask the infamous "what are you doing to lose weight" question. You really can't force it on them, but be ready to make suggestions that fit into their lives and tastes, not just things you would do (my mother for example works 3 jobs 1 of which is on the floor at Walmart, so I am trying to teach her not to get discouraged when she can't actively exercise). Be ready for it to be a slow process, and just generally be there for them. Don't try to make them do anything- it will only back fire.

ZebraHead

If you search this thread you will find many that say this and it is so true:

You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

Your best plan is to show them by your excellent example.

Never push your success on them let them ask and observe as you show them that it is really something that can be achieved without depriving oneself of the 'good' life.

Take care

ZH

JoanCG

I know it's hard to get people to do things they don't want to do. Maybe you can slowly introduce better food choices for them. You could invite them out with you for a walk or shopping to get them active. If they will listen to you, you can sit them down and tell them how much you care for them and how you want them to try to live a healthier life.
I know how you feel....I have the same problem with my husband and slowly but surely he is paying more attention to how I am changing my lifestyle and how much better I feel. Good luck to you.

lotty1987

This one is EASY - introduce them to Myfitnesspal x

sconns21

I have always been slim and active so they just think I was born that way and that I don't have to try so my example doesn't really work.

I offer to make dinner for them a lot, especially when my mum comes home from work but they decline because they won't try anything new. I make pasta, it's hardly new. They make faces because I put garlic in but they eat in Italian restaurants all the time that overload everything with garlic. I managed to get them to eat carbonara at the weekend and a root vegetable lentil stew but apart from that they don't bite. I eat a lot of vegetables and not as much meat, I'm not vegetarian it's just cheaper and I find meat too filling. They have to have meat in everything they eat. I made some spicy rice with chorizo (her favourite) last night and she ate a microwave meal instead because she wouldn't wait the 20 mins it takes to cook. My dad ended up phoning while she was making her microwave meal so I was sitting eating my rice before she even got her tea. She tasted it and she liked it. I only put chorizo in for her! She followed that up by two danish pastries.

They have always been resistant to change for everything so over the years I have persuaded them to do things like switch energy suppliers to save money but as they get older they are getting harder to persuade. They are so resistant to change sometimes, even if I offer to do it for them they still won't let me do it and these are things that have no effect whatsoever except to save them money or whatever.

If you're wondering why I'm living with my parents, I have been travelling in Europe and I rented out my flat while I was away. I'm staying with them until the lease is up so I can move back in. They like having me around because my dad works away and my mother is alone most of the time.

Holton

Helping others and helping FAMILY are 2 different things! ha ha! You really cannot DO anything other than to continue to take care of yourself and talk about that process with them. You can bring them some food you have prepared for yourself to share with them, so that they too can see how enjoyable a well prepared meal can be or invite your mother to go for a walk around the block to share a conversation with you (short simple walk). Depression requires attention and I would personally be more concerned about focusing on getting them medical attention for that, but typically that generation is not as open to seeking and treating clinical depression, so once again, you can only suggest, not force this issue either. Live your life well, love them well and express your desire for them to be around longer by choosing a lifestyle that will enforce that, and realize that you can CHANGE NO ONE but YOURSELF! Hugs.

sconns21

I just noticed your ticker and wow 46lbs that's amazing, well done!

She has been on and off medication for her depression but she won't ask to see a counsellor. I try to be there and suggest places to go but they're so reluctant. I can only do what I can and then hope for the best I suppose.