Why is there so many people that try to sabotage your journe
ChantalD75
Posts: 680 Member
Have a work meeting tomorrow and it was understood that we are ordering in from this healthy place and now find out that they want to order in lasagna... (this from a friend that knows the hard work I am doing and she HATES it.... )... I don't want to be a party pooper but I know she is doing this because she isn't on the weight loss journey and I branched out on my own .... and she is jealous of my progress... she does this to me all the time.... I tell her I can't go out for lunch and she tells me I don't have a choice and that she will make sure that I eat well and she ends up bringing me to the grease pit in town... so I have a side salad and side dressing... and come out of there starving... and she looks at me surprised that I don't order the same as her... because that is what I used to do in the past. UUUUUURRRRGGGHHHH so tired of dealing with this... wish I can just go in a bubble and not have to deal with this!
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Replies
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I would just bring my lunch with me to the resturant!0
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If you have a bunch of crabs in an uncovered bucket, any one of them that tries to escape will be drug down by the claws of another... She's a total crab...0
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It's jealousy - stick at it!
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It's ok to have some crappy food......in moderation!!0
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Good for you for sticking to your guns and ordering what you know is good for you! People who have not tried to lose weight or think they have tried and gave up before they even had a chance have an even harder time understanding what we are going through! It's easier for them to be jealous than to use words of encouragement! Continue to stand up for yourself! You deserve to be happy and healthy! Good luck on your journey!0
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Not much a friend if she's doing this on purpose and has no respect for what you're doing. Good for you for ordering healthy.0
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For tomorrow, why don't you just bring your own lunch, since the food is being ordered in? Why should you have to eat the lasagna?
Regarding your friend and going out to lunch, it sounds like you might have to put your foot down. If you don't want to go out to lunch, KNOWING that she'll take you somewhere unhealthy, then either gracefully refuse and stick to your guns, or request that you pick the location. If your friend is really a friend she should understand - if she gets upset, have an honest talk with her and let her know that you have to do what is right for your health and that you're not saying no because you don't like HER - it's just her food choices that aren't right for you. Remember - you are in control of yourself, and if you don't want to go out to lunch with someone, you don't have to. You shouldn't give in because of social pressure.0 -
Honestly, if she was really a friend, then she would support you no matter what. If she understands hwo important this is to you and still acts this way, then in my opinion there is only one way to solve this problem! Time to find a new friend! Life is too short to have to deal with negative influences in your life! Be happy and proud that you have decided to take this journey! Surround yourself with people who encourage and support you! This is not only a physical battle, it is a mental battle. We need all the positive we can get!! If she cant understand this, then invite her to join in on this journey with you, or let her off at the next stop and she can take her own path! You can do this! Good luck!0
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Stay true to the course! If you give into her at all, she will keep doing it, but if you stay the course she will eventually get it. See, she thinks you are on the verge of caving into her. Let her know who is boss of your own destiny....NOT HER!!!!0
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How exactly does she MAKE you go to lunch?0
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she obviously isn't a true friend. you're doing the right thing! bring in your own lunches.0
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Maybe it is time to either tell her how you feel or just not be friends with her. A good friend is supportive and brings positive energy to your life. A friend will eat a salad with you even though they want a burger....just to show their support....A friend is someone who is proud of the hard work you are doing even though you are not on the same journey. Think about it....perhaps it is time for a change or at lest a conversation....or just say no to her when she wants to bring you to those crappy restaurants where no healthy food is available.
It's just an opinion...you sound really nice and you deserve better:)0 -
My mom tries to feed me all kinds of junk I used to love and cook me all of my 'unhealthy' favorites. It is easier for others to try and make you fail than for them to step up and have their own success. Push through it, your hard work and determination will pay off!0
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Maybe she's not the person you need to be hanging out with right now.0
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I say that she is totally jealous of how strong you are, and how much better you are than her. Totally jealous of you. Tell her where to go..in a nice way, and do what you need to do, to stay on the road you are on..to make yourself better. You will make it though this tough time, and look back and see what an A** she was. Don't let her mess you up. Keep your chin up.0
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We have luncheons all the time and none of my girls are dieting so I just eat my lunch with them! If anyone one asks why you brought your lunch just say your trying to be good! If they dont like it then so what...they will praise(or be extremely jealous) you later when you are slimmer!0
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Order an apetizer. The portions are smaller than meals and you can still enjoy and not feel guilty about the food you eat.0
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thats y i dont have friends...:laugh:
this is just peer pressure you need to stand your guard...:noway:0 -
Thank you all for the support!! I know she isn't a true friend I have been told this by many different people... she isn't really liked here at work either maybe I feel sorry for her in a way... I don't know... I also have a hard time saying no to people... another one of my downfalls.... I am going to bring a lunch just in case... I have worked too hard in this short amount of time to have it destroyed....0
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Some people have a hard time seeing their friends change. You have changed but she hasn't. Time to add to your friend list.0
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shoot I would place an order to arrive around the same time as the rest of the meal! except mine would be a healthier choise they can stare and drool!!!0
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i would try packing your lunch and then saying something like:
"oh sorry. i packed my lunch today and i dont want my food to go to waste after i took the time to prepare it ahead of time"
hopefully she wont keep pushing after that. just think ahead of time of different polite excuses for statements that she has thrown at you in the past. (just try to go in with your amunition so that she cant catch you off guard)
good luck! i know how hard this is because my obese Aunt gets on my case alot for the fact that I want to lose weight. meanwhile, she has heart trouble. craziness.0 -
You're strong by not giving in. She's not a true friend if she's doing that to you... on purpose.
Don't go to lunch with her anymore, either go somewhere else healthier or bring your own lunch. Don't let her get to you and don't cave in, it'll basically only give her what she wants from what I can see. She's not being supportive for you, like a real friend would be.
And for the lasagna... No one can make you eat it. Bring your own food that you like. Don't let anyone give you crap for it. Keep it up! 0 -
I like that crab analogy - I think I'll use it in the future.
People are what people are. If you think of your diet as a task or project, it's easy to feel that people are trying to sabotage it. If you treat it as a lifestyle change, then it is easier to stand your ground.
Many years ago, I was slim, trim...and vegetarian. That was my lifestyle at the time, back when it was less understood - or tolerated. Many of my friends, coworkers and even relatives acted in a manner not unlike your coworker. Since my lifestyle was at odds with theirs, I couldn't really get mad at them for living according to theirs, but I did act proactively in order to avoid clashes.
In the case of work, I would either bring my lunch or have acceptable snacks stashed in my desk that I could eat before/after going to the meat pits that my friends wanted to eat at. If I went with them, I would have a salad or something non-carnivore.
At home, I made a deal with my wife - if the meal could separate out the meat (such as spaghetti and meatballs), she would set aside a portion of the sauce meatless, etc. If she couldn't (like making turkey soup) then I was responsible for my own meal.
If we went to eat at relatives, I didn't make them adhere to my standards - I would just bring along my own meatless entree (enough for two or three persons). I would then add whatever sides they had that I could eat, and mom would serve my entree on my plate instead of hers. Sometimes my entree looked interesting enough that someone wanted some as well, in which case I could then show off vegetarian cooking.
Eating healthily -is- a lifestyle. Plan ahead so that you can coexist with your friends and relatives. If anyone is aggressively trying to undercut you, treat them the same way as if they were trying to subvert your religion or marriage or anything else you hold important - distance yourself from them. But grant them all the compassion you would like for them to grant you. That is the golden rule, yes?0 -
Unfortunately I think everyone has a friend like this. To be completely honest I just turned around my thoughts about my friend- looked at what she ate and thought- she's so gross. I turned it into an "I'm better then her" thing. Maybe not the smartest way to handle the situation but it works! I'd get a side salad and say something like.. wow- that doesn't even look good to me anymore- I just look at it and see the scale going up! Not worth it!0
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It sounds like your friend is working through her own issues. Remember that friendship is a two-way street. You are upset with her for not remembering all of the changes you've made to your usual routine, but have you offered her the same support in her habits?
I noticed your post and title are coming off as if you feel there are people in your life who are intentionally and personally attacking you, maybe trying to hold you back from losing weight. If this is the case, it's most likely your view of their actions is a bit scewed, since it's a rare case where someone literally doesn't want a friend/family to be healthy. Others may not feel as gung-ho about your weightloss because they're not you, living in your head with all the excitement and determination that comes with meeting your goals.
My advice would be to have a talk (or several) with the people you feel have a problem with your weightloss. Let them know what your goals are, ask them to be supportive of you decisions... even if the choices you have to make for your health mean less of/a change in your usual routine with them. When you're discussing this, you'll be more successful if you're not defensive or accusing, just open and honest. Remember that you're changing the routine of two people, here. It will take some getting used to on his/her part, and you have to give them time to adjust.
In the end, it's you that's going to lose the weight for yourself. Hopefully you can surround yourself with supportive people, but if you still can't get through to your friend, that doesn't mean you can't still meet your goals! As you well know, it's hard to change 0 -
Distance yourself from people like that! They mean you no good!0
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Who are you doing this for? YOU or HER? Bring your own lunch or order something else. If she's a good friend, and having a hard time dealing with your journey, suggest a place and stick with it.
My mom will bring cookies or something unhealthy when she comes to visit. She knows I'm working hard, but she's also overweight and can't "find time" to workout. Her phrase is "one won't hurt". Well, yes, it will. I know me!0
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