BACK OFF ALREADY!

Belle_Fille

my step mother seems to be picking on me! doing and saying whatever she can to bring me down and make me fail on my weight loss journey! i dont get it! ive tried suggesting MFP to her (she complains about how shes fat but then says "oh well. who cares. ive learned to be happy with my fat") ive given her tips and told her things that I have done to change my lifestyle to become more healthy (of course i only do this when she shows interest. im not shoving this at her and trying to force her to do anything) and she comes back and tries to shoot me in the knee!

on facebook the other day there was some kind of "short survey" thing that she answered about me. one of the questions asked was what my favorite drink was. she answered "dr. pepper" i reminded her that i dont drink soda anymore and it is a rare treat, that usually i cant even drink anyways because its just become nasty! she replied with "well its what i always see you drinking! its ok! theres nothing wrong with dr. pepper!"
NO for the past month (over a month) she has only seen me carrying a huge water bottle! i have also told her a million times i dont drink pop anymore! i think she was just trying to pick on me in front of everyone!

the other day we went over there to have dinner with my dad. and she made 3 batches of cookies, and 2 batches of brownies. i commented on "WOW! That is A LOT of sugar!" and she said "well we wont be eating all of it. im sending half home with you! i wanted to PUKE! i dont want that crap! i told her "no thanks." she said "just take it. you'll get a sweet tooth eventually" ugh "NO THANKS! if i want something sweet i have fruit or yogurt. i dont want all of that sugar in my house"
she says "and you think all that sugar in that precious fruit of yours in OK?" ITS NOT THE SAME KIND OF SUGAR YOU IDIOT! so i just walked away. (and never took the cookies or brownies when we left) then she brings my daughter home today (she stayed the night) and what do i find in her backpack? a crap ton of freaking brownies and cookies! my step mom was standing right there as i took them out of her bag, and put them into the trash.
she was so mad.

then today she went with me to the hardware store and she wanted to stop for a drink at the gas station. she comes out with 2 route 44 sodas...one for me.

this isnt all of the things shes done either. but her little comments, "nice gestures" (giving us cookies, buying me a drink) and all her crap is really starting to piss me off!

I DONT GET IT! she is a 375 pound woman and doesnt give a rats *kitten* if she dies of obesity related health problems or not. thats fine. i dont care. she was so selfish for the longest time (about 10 years ago- same weight though) trying time and time to have a 2nd child (she has one son) and she would get pregnant, then miscarry. BECAUSE OF HER WEIGHT! the doctor told her she should NOT try to get pregnant anymore until she lost a good amount of weight. but shed never listen, and shed get pregnant again...and lose the baby again. anyways..DONT TRY TO TAKE ME DOWN WITH YOU! she says "at least i will die happy" i dont think she knows what happy is. because TO ME:
Happy = being HEALTHY
being able to run and chase my kids
being able to HAVE MORE KIDS! - no, i am not done having kids yet!
being able to walk to the park with them without being so out of breath i dont want to play once we get there.
being able to wear CLOTHES and not stretchy, PJ type clothes all the time!
TRULY loving the body i am in, and not just "learning to deal with it"
i want to be able to grow old like my 96 year old great grandmother and be able to say (like my gma can) that i am still 100% healthy! i want to grow old and be able to watch my grandkids grow and learn! i want to be healthy so i can dance with my kids (and grandkids) at their wedding! i want my kids to be proud of me- not embarrassed by me! i want to be the one in my family that can say i beat the odds. i didnt get diabetes, heart problems, liver problems, etc!

THAT, for me, is happiness! not some grease filled potato chip, sugar filled cookie, not some sugar coma soda pop waiting to happen! NO THANK YOU!

WHY will she not just BACK OFF?! my father is super proud of me! he tells me every day! he wants the best for me and he wants to see me healthy. he hates the idea that i may one day be sick and have all the health problems like he does! he is 42 years old, and disabled, and has been for AT LEAST 5-7 years! DISABLED all because of the weight! his weight caused SO MANY health problems! he cant walk. he surely cant run. he cant play with his grand kids. he has 5 and another on the way. all are ages 3 and under. i know that his health depresses him, and i know that he is proud of me for not wanting to turn out like him.
so why can his wife not be that supportive?! WHY is she trying to beat me down?

well whatever her reasons are...i have 1 thing to say (that i havent had the balls to say to her face yet) :
YOU'RE UGLY ATTITUDE IS ONLY DRIVING ME TO WORK THAT MUCH HARDER! a few months ago, i would have quit. i wouldnt have been able to handle someone trying to constantly kick me down. but you know, that isnt the case anymore. im in this for ME. im in this for MY KIDS! i dont want them to see me QUIT because some ugly (attitude wise) person bullied me! I WANT TO TEACH MY KIDS TO BE BETTER THEN THAT! and i am damned to show my kids that you can do whatever you put your mind to...no matter what others think or say!!!!!

Trista87Marie

Keep up the great work!!! It sounds like she is very unhappy with herself and seeing you do good makes her even more unhappy because she would rather act like the jolly fat lady who loves being fat then admitting that she doesnt think she could do the things you are doing. Im so happy to see that this helps you to push harder. Dont let her negative I dont give a crap attitude get you down!! And thanks for the great post!

heidiscool

Just keep your reason for losing weight in front of you and don't let her affect you. Some people feel threatened when you achieve your weight loss goals. Perhaps she's afraid of change, or maybe she sees how happy your dad is with you and she feels threatened. Whatever the reason, don't let her derail you. Your beautiful children and being there for them is your reason. She is just one of the speed bumps on your road to success. You can do it!

That_Girl

A-freakin-men.

You rock.

Screw her.

jewls30

Hooray for you not giving in to her attitude. She is obviously unhappy with herself and doesn't want to see you succeed. Just always remember that there are more important reasons to stay towards your goal of making yourself a healthier person. Good luck and stay POSITIVE!

jennifir

I'm so sorry. She sounds like an in your face sabatoger because she is jealous that you are accompllishing what she wants to accomplish. She is lashing out at you and it is not right or fair. I would say watch how she is with your daughter because if she can't sabatoge you she will start to put these things on your daughter. My daughter partly has a weight problem because of my ex husbands mother insisted on giving her double adult portions of ice cream and such. I hate that you have to deal with this. It is cruel and most sabatogers don't realize what they are doing.

Atlantique

I'm so glad that you have MFP to get your rant on! You needed it!

Having been down this road before (of eating better and losing all the excess weight) I can tell you that some overweight people in your life will find it tremendously threatening. Even if you never say a word or make a suggestion! Just the fact that you've taken control and are making changes is inherently threatening. Why? Because you just deflated every single one of their 'go-to' excuses! Even if you never said a word! I went through this and actually lost some friends. Just being around me, wacthing my choices and seeing them work made some of them so uncomfortable that we could no longer be friends. They weren't ready and they were so threatened that they needed to move on. So be it.

Pick your battles. If she wants to send you home with 50 pounds of brownies, take them. Then bring them to work or throw them away at the first trash can you see on your ride home. to me, that's not a battle worth the heartache. 3 weeks ago, my mom sent me home with 3 bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I tossed them at the first gas station. She's none the wiser and there was no fight.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the step-mother, but very glad to hear that your dad supports you.

eellis2000

you go girl..... maybe after she see's your success she'll get it.

chubmuffim

Right on sweety! To hell with being squandered by someone elses crappy attitutude even if it's someone you love. I admire your strength and hard work and the payoff is much sweeter than the temporary joy from baked goods. Your whole family should be able to appreciate your effort!

helengator1

:flowerforyou: wow!!! great rant! there are so many people that are unhappy with themselves so they try to bring everyone down with them. keep up the great work. dont fight her on it. just do your thing and maybe one day she'll actually own up to her insecurities and join you. until then, we are all here for you! remember MFP when it gets tough

bethikabob

I honestly got goosebumps...weird lol. I'm super proud of you. I giggled when I read how you threw away the cookies and brownies in front of her and I feel annoyed and indignant when I read about how she's treating you. It's so fantastic that you know what you want and why--this is a lifestyle change and not something that should be overcome by the negativity of anyone around you. Congrats on being a wonderful person and role model to your kids and the rest of your family. :happy:

Trishkit

Go you! Thank you for giving voice to my frustrations! This sounds so much like my mother-in-law... don't even get me started! :-)

Kudos to you for being strong!

alienblonde1

Hang in there I can't imagine what you are going through and how selfish of her to try to push those sweets/sodas on you. Keep standing your ground.

Trishkit

Having been down this road before (of eating better and losing all the excess weight) I can tell you that some overweight people in your life will find it tremendously threatening. Even if you never say a word or make a suggestion! Just the fact that you've taken control and are making changes is inherently threatening. Why? Because you just deflated every single one of their 'go-to' excuses! Even if you never said a word! I went through this and actually lost some friends. Just being around me, wacthing my choices and seeing them work made some of them so uncomfortable that we could no longer be friends. They weren't ready and they were so threatened that they needed to move on. So be it.

If there was a "Like" button on here, I would totally click it! Well said!

MooseWizard

Phew, take a deep breath. Feel better to get that all that off your chest?

I think tmbowman, jewls30, and jennifir pretty much nailed it. Thank your step-mom for the motivation and keep on trucking!

BlueEyedTwin333

The first thought that came to mind when reading that was... Wow! All that built up frustration must have felt good coming out in the open on the site. That's one of the best parts here. You don't really know anyone personally to feel guilty if they see you releasing that built up anger. AS far as you mom/stepmom whatever, she's probably started seeing the changes you've been making in your life and getting jealous. Instead of trying it for herself she's trying to bring you back down to make herself feel less guilty about her weight. Don't let it bother you. Some people have accepted their unhappiness or just figure it's to difficult to try and change it. The best thing you can do it keep yourself motivated and stay positive with yourself. Don't worry about her. Eventually she'll see it's not affecting you and quit. Or she might even start changing her own lifestyle (although i doubt it haha) If you keep yourself going, then eventually you can shove it in her face by showing off how fit and healthy you're becoming. That's one of the best feelings in the world! And when you get there all the negative will be TOTALLY worth it! Keep it up girly! You're doing great.

fromaquasar

Hey - seems like you have A LOT of pent up frustration here. And fair enough she is being very frustrating! But take it all with a grain of salt and stay calm, as others have said what a sad person she sounds like that she can't stand to see you improve and grow. Stay strong, stay calm - tell you as many times as you have to that you are choosing to be a better person and you don't need that crap. Maybe one day she'll come round but if not who cares you are doing this for you x

Kiwijay

she might be jealous! Just keep keeping on and do it FOR YOU. Stop giving her tips and hints and see if she comes to you asking for help! If she does then you can chalk one up to you coz you would have succeeded! Good luck and don't ever let her get you down, stay strong and remember your reasons for the journey you are taking no one can squash those!

Belle_Fille

The first thought that came to mind when reading that was... Wow! All that built up frustration must have felt good coming out in the open on the site. That's one of the best parts here. You don't really know anyone personally to feel guilty if they see you releasing that built up anger. AS far as you mom/stepmom whatever, she's probably started seeing the changes you've been making in your life and getting jealous. Instead of trying it for herself she's trying to bring you back down to make herself feel less guilty about her weight. Don't let it bother you. Some people have accepted their unhappiness or just figure it's to difficult to try and change it. The best thing you can do it keep yourself motivated and stay positive with yourself. Don't worry about her. Eventually she'll see it's not affecting you and quit. Or she might even start changing her own lifestyle (although i doubt it haha) If you keep yourself going, then eventually you can shove it in her face by showing off how fit and healthy you're becoming. That's one of the best feelings in the world! And when you get there all the negative will be TOTALLY worth it! Keep it up girly! You're doing great.

it totally felt good! even made me cry- thinking of WHY i wanted this, and not being there for my kids. they are all the motivation i need.
even though i do lose sight of WANTING to work out, and i do slip up sometimes. im not perfect. but i am not giving up either!

velix

...
im in this for ME

...

THIS is the most poignant part of that post - and THAT is what makes all the difference in the world.
Kudos to you for being able to recognize unhealthy attitudes / habits

today - I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a while. She said I looked fantastic - and asked what had changed - I mentioned working out, eating better, had lost 50 lbs so far, and she kept asking - what else is up... what else is different... at first, I didn't understand what she was getting at - until I realized, she wanted to know WHY I had lost the weight - like - was I sick, or was I getting married, or something ... that's when I said to her - no - actually, this is for me - all for me... I was tired of being 252 lbs, feeling sluggish, having a crappy back, bad ankles, etc etc .. that it was time to take care of myself - for me. the look on her face - of utter happiness - when she realized that the changes in my life were for me. So many women forget that ....

So with that - take care of yourself - know that you are worth it - and deserve nothing but the best - keep up the amazing work, and remember - other people's negativity (and issues) are not yours - you owe them nothing.

Nikstergirl

You go girl!!! And keep doing what you're doing.... I think it's working even if she doesn't make it easy! Just do it anyway!!! :flowerforyou:

leomom72

she is happy withh er weight ?? they say ignorance is bliss..i agree, and think she is jealous, and wants to see you fail, but i KNOW you can ignore it, and accomplish your goals..that was super motivating, and i thank you for your stories..ROCK ON !!!

CalorieNinja

I haven't read others responses but here is mine lol.
I don't she is necessarily picking on you. A lot of people don't think they can lose the weight so they just pretend to be happy with it. You have to look at both sides of it. I am sure she is happy for you wanting to get healthy, even though she thinks she is unable to.

As far as the survey on facebook goes: I think it was all innocent. That is what you normally used to drink. She even went to say there was nothing wrong with it. Thinking you were mad about it. She tried, so give her some credit - she hasn't gotten used to the new healthy you yet. I highly doubt she was picking on you in front of people - I promise!

As far as the cookies: a lot of mothers (not all) tend to show their love through cooking. She made those for the families to take home, I don't think she quite understands the healthy you yet. Again with your daughter I think it was more "showing her love" (sorry BUT I would have thrown them away after she left, not with her right there) She isn't trying to hurt you.

With the soda again, she was just trying to think about you. It was the old you. The old you would have appreciated it and thought she was being nice.

She has to find her own way to healthiness or happiness - she won't do it until she is ready to. She doesn't want to change and you can't force her to.

It is great that your dad is so supportive of you! He has had the wake up call, she hasn't yet.

So with that said, your doing a great job and quit over-analyzing sweetie. Stress makes losing weight worse

MemphisMarly

Pick your battles. If she wants to send you home with 50 pounds of brownies, take them. Then bring them to work or throw them away at the first trash can you see on your ride home. to me, that's not a battle worth the heartache. 3 weeks ago, my mom sent me home with 3 bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies. I tossed them at the first gas station. She's none the wiser and there was no fight.

Agreed! Just take home the cookies and then give them away... in a few more months, at the rate you're at, you could be down another 30 pounds. She'll have a much harder time saying that your sweet tooth is inevitable when she sees that you keep making progress! Stay healthy and go for the gold.