There should be more funerals!

soze

Where are my little buddies endorphines when I need them.

There is something I've been wanting to say to so many of my MFP pals for such a long time. I just didn't want to sound like a wimp. My first thought for a title was "Letting Go". However I like this title better.

Many of you are here after an ugly divorce or a job loss. The emotional toll is nothing short of a catastrophe. Yet you are here trying to recover and build a new life. I'm proud of you!

Many may think we go to funerals to grieve and pay our respects. Of course there are those funerals we go to just to make sure the S.O.B. is dead. That is what we do. However I don't think that is the real reason for funerals. I think it's validation. Personally I'd like to think the only thing to die is what I need to put on my plate.That just isn't the case.

What we really need is validation for losses such as a job loss or a divorce. It closes a chapter. After my divorce I looked for years for it. Then one day my daughter called. She was talking about my ex-wife, her mother which she loves. She said if it's this bad for us what was it like for Dad. There was my validation. That was the funeral for my marriage. I can move on! Since then I've been light heartedly flirting with the girls. I'm no Don Juan at nearly 300 lbs. but is so much fun to make a pretty girl smile.

Job losses seem to need a funeral as well from my experience. I had a horrific boss that I took daily abuse from for almost 3 years. It took a toll on my attitude and behavior and all the while I was saying this doesn't affect me. Well it did. Never think you can outlast a bad boss. Especially if they have a personality disorder. I was so full of myself. I kept saying when she gets to know me that will change, Uh! tough lesson. I never realized how much emotional damage I suffered until a recent interview where I changed my thought process from one of cynical caution to one of what can I do for you, what can I offer.

However the real funeral occurred a couple of months prior. It seems the employee who took my place was having the same issues. Once again I was talking to my Daughter, She said Oh, validation! What a relief, what a great day for letting go.

So I say to all of us who have suffered the consequences of life's pitfalls we need more funerals.

YourFriendBecky

I think you are onto something here. There really are a lot of occasions in life, such as relationships ending or jobs ending or a move from a home or a child moving out... that society tells us we should just "get over and move on". It really is important to give ourselves time to grieve a little and find closure somehow, and remember that life is a wondrous experience full of possibilities even when it's hard for us to see that.

Keep on flirting with those girls! Whatever makes you smile. : )

sars_68

Wise words. Stay strong

downtome

Amen to that! We all need closure of some sort to continue to keep moving forward and make a better life for ourselves! I started out here when I had found out on Thanksgiving last year that my Ex already had a girlfriend not 1 month or so after our divorce was final! I felt so bad about myself and how I looked and that I could be replaced so soon after a 20 year marriage. I just wanted revenge for him to see what he lost after I lose all my weight of course. Almost 3 1/2 months later, I have found that I am here for me, so that I can feel better about myself, become healthier and live a longer life and EVENTUALLY, love myself enough that one day I am able to let someone else in on a close level of finding love. No rush, I have much work to do physically and emotionally. As far as closure is concerned with my EX, I'm not quite sure I'm at that point yet but with time I know I will get there. I'm finally accepting all this new girlfriend and marrige stuff and somehow finding myself caring less and less about it, I just want to be able to move on and better myself, and I will. Believing is seeing, so believe in yourself always and good things will come! Great post Soze, Thanks!

soze

Amen to that! We all need closure of some sort to continue to keep moving forward and make a better life for ourselves! I started out here when I had found out on Thanksgiving last year that my Ex already had a girlfriend not 1 month or so after our divorce was final! I felt so bad about myself and how I looked and that I could be replaced so soon after a 20 year marriage. I just wanted revenge for him to see what he lost after I lose all my weight of course. Almost 3 1/2 months later, I have found that I am here for me, so that I can feel better about myself, become healthier and live a longer life and EVENTUALLY, love myself enough that one day I am able to let someone else in on a close level of finding love. No rush, I have much work to do physically and emotionally. As far as closure is concerned with my EX, I'm not quite sure I'm at that point yet but with time I know I will get there. I'm finally accepting all this new girlfriend and marrige stuff and somehow finding myself caring less and less about it, I just want to be able to move on and better myself, and I will. Believing is seeing, so believe in yourself always and good things will come! Great post Soze, Thanks!

I was thinking of you DT when I posted though I used myself as an example. Well I was thinking of some other friends as well. I know it's been hard. I've been there. Validation seems to work externally but healing is internal. I will tell you this I hid for years, so ashamed of myself. I don't know why now. I just felt like a failure I think. We just put so much ourselves into others that we lose our identity without them.

soze

Keep on flirting with those girls! Whatever makes you smile. : )

They politely tolerate this old man. LOL. Actually I talk to women near my age and leave the young ones to young men.

Dafrog

one also needs to learn to forgive and forget and not dwell and hold on to the past. not only in relationships, except in everday happings.

Sh1tsRainbows

wow soze this was such a touching heartfelt post!!! Thank you!!!!

jchapman1957

Wow Soze, another great post. Are you sure there's not a positon for a philosophy proffessor at a university somewhere you could fill. You are so right in needing closure for events in our life. I have been trying to deal with the slow death of a business that I built up over the past 15 years and cannot seem to find what's next in my life. Not to turn this into a sermon, but I believe God puts these events in our path to prepare and shape us for what's to come. Napolean Hill said "Through every adversity comes the seed for something greater". When it happens start looking for the seed and grab onto it. Last August, when I started this journey, It was just to loose weight because I needed to loose it. Then when my Dad died in October from Diabetes, I grabbed onto the seed that this weight lose was for me and my future health and that I really, really, realy wanted nothing to do with that disease. Again, Great post!!!