Some thoughts on spouses not yet on board

daddyratty

A discussion I contributed recently keeps getting new posts, and it is about spouses who aren't yet on board with "our" new fitness goals and efforts.

I think a lot of our spouses are responding to our own previous failings. Naturally this isn't the case for everyone, but there are probably many of us who have been through this time after time after time.

I imagine that our spouses can only get excited about change so many times before they just kind of think "here we go again." Someone in this other discussion had said that they typically hang on for a couple weeks. Her husband actually said something to this effect, but it's taken her pushing through this timeline to begin to convince him that this is real.

Even though we love our spouses, we are NOT doing this for them! Nobody, not even the love of your life, can care about your health for you. It has to be YOU doing it for YOU. Family support is a nice added benefit, but it cannot be the primary reason.

I know that it's a lot better when our spouses are on board, but there are often legitimate and deep-seated reasons for not jumping right on board with you.

My encouragement: keep it up! Maybe they'll eventually see that you're serious. But you've probably *SAID* you're serious many times, so that they are immune to these words. Only seeing you in action (literally and figuratively) can turn them around. I'm about 6 weeks into my running program and almost 3 into using myfitnesspal.com, and while my wife was never contentious about my efforts, I think she is really starting to now see that I am serious.

Newfiedan

good post bud, I totally agree that you need that "aha" moment when it clicks in your head and you say enough it enough and get your butt in gear and make the changes. I hit that when my wife had already dropped about 30 pounds or so and we were talking about it while I was on facebook and came across a pic of me from the summer (see profile pic) and I thought my god I have let myself go. It was in that moment that I made the decision to finally get in gear and do it. I have not looked back since and the rest was pretty easy for me.

abyt42

I think I was a bigger hinderance to my husband's weight loss (because we eat differently, and I'd cook a lot of pasta for our kids, or bake bread, and I love soups, while he doesn't like them much. He's a salad fan, and I'm not. He's a BBQ fan, and I'd been fairly meat free until recently.) Both of us knew what we needed to do to lose weight and get in better shape: I think it took both of us moving in the same direction for our knowledge and our behavior to mesh.

However, I started using mfp over the summer, found it useful, and recommended it.

It took me logging my husband's food for a little bit (after I'd lost about 30 pounds), for him to get with it, but he's lost about 30 pounds now.... and is even a big fan of mfp.

It's just a little tedious in the start up phase, before a user develops his list of "most used" foods and exercises...

CoryIda

Good post. I've been on this journey back to health since mid September and at first my husband just humored me. I honestly don't think he thought I could actually do this.
I met him 6 years ago and I quickly gained a LOT of weight (about 70 pounds). He's only ever known me as fat. Furthermore, he's fat, too. He likes pizza and ice cream and chips and seconds and thirds of his meals. I didn't do the pizza or ice cream because I am allergic to milk, but I certainly did other greasy, fatty foods in massive quantities.
I wasn't exactly the poster child for self control, so it's no wonder that he wasn't 100% behind me from the beginning. He didn't discourage me, which is nice, since some spouses do, but he didn't do a lot to help, either.
I think that's actually a good thing because it forced me to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for my choices. I could choose to eat healthy, even if he didn't. I could choose to limit my portions, even if he didn't. I could choose to get my butt moving, even if he didn't.
When it comes down to it, our spouses are not responsible for our health. We are.
I've lost almost 65 pounds now, and my hubby is becoming more supportive and has even dabbled in getting healthier himself. He's not quite ready to commit, yet, but he is reaping some of the benefits of my lifestyle in that he really doesn't have a choice about eating healthier, since we really only keep nutritious foods in the house now and I'm the one who cooks. He even occasionally works out, though not often. Oh, and of course there's the bonus benefit of having a more attractive wife -- I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind that side effect. :happy:
I think that if I had relied on my husband to support me and challenge me to get healthy, I would have failed because, the moment he stopped pushing, I would have reverted back to my old habits.
Instead, I made the decision to get healthy and have acted on that decision by practicing self-control in what I eat and how I move my body.

daddyratty

Good for you, Cory! I'm the same as you in that my wife only knows me as overweight (we met in college). I am SO ready to be done with this fat body, and although I know there will be hard times, I am having no problem resisting extra calories and making sure I get my runs in. I'll be adding some strength stuff soon, but I'm happy with what I'm doing.

Another small victory was the other day at home. My wife had hosted a baby shower and there was a bucket of these yummy donut hole type things in the freezer. I just said "you know what, who cares ... I'll have a couple handfuls of them. It won't kill me."

After about 6 or 7 of them, I was full. Before I probably would have had 20 or more, but this time after a few I completely lost my taste for them. It was amazing. I looked at the last couple in my bowl and just thought "bleeeech."