Ladies and Gents..... I need your help!!

divalovesyou1

Good Morning MFPers, :happy:

I have a small problem and I really need your advice on this matter. I really would love to get my husband to join me in losing some weight. I'm overweight (a little bit) but, I feel he's really overweight for his height :noway: !! I tried , sneaking in healthier snacks and cooking low cal meals but he loves eating out and he still will go out and buy greasy meals and junk food :mad: ! He also go overboard at the table by piling his plate sky high with food! I also, bought things like Lowfat 1% milk (which he had a fit about because he says that it taste to "watery") LOL :laugh:

Everytime I suggest that we should go jogging or running he always makes an excuse and suggest we do it on another day. When that day comes around he (of course) makes another excuse! A girfriend of mine suggested that I give him time to come around. But, I'm seriously is worried about his health.

Here's why: His father, Uncle and Grandmother died from heart attacks at pretty young ages:frown: ! Also, his Mother just went through a major heart surgery due to heart failure problems:frown: . I'm really afraid of losing him due to poor eating habits.:ohwell:

Do anyone have any advice on what I can do to motivate him:indifferent: ? I know this subject is a hard one but, I will appreciate any advice anyone can give me!

Thanks :flowerforyou:


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divalovesyou1

Good Morning MFPers, :happy:

I have a small problem and I really need your advice on this matter. I really would love to get my husband to join me in losing some weight. I'm overweight (a little bit) but, I feel he's really overweight for his height :noway: !! I tried , sneaking in healthier snacks and cooking low cal meals but he loves eating out and he still will go out and buy greasy meals and junk food :mad: ! He also go overboard at the table by piling his plate sky high with food! I also, bought things like Lowfat 1% milk (which he had a fit about because he says that it taste to "watery") LOL :laugh:

Everytime I suggest that we should go jogging or running he always makes an excuse and suggest we do it on another day. When that day comes around he (of course) makes another excuse! A girfriend of mine suggested that I give him time to come around. But, I'm seriously is worried about his health.

Here's why: His father, Uncle and Grandmother died from heart attacks at pretty young ages:frown: ! Also, his Mother just went through a major heart surgery due to heart failure problems:frown: . I'm really afraid of losing him due to poor eating habits.:ohwell:

Do anyone have any advice on what I can do to motivate him:indifferent: ? I know this subject is a hard one but, I will appreciate any advice anyone can give me!

Thanks :flowerforyou:


Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

carrotstick

This is a really hard situation, but you have to remember that it's very hard to break old habits - and even with the reality of the heart issues in the family, sometimes it may actually /make/ him eat more (i.e. before a diet when you think "I'll start tomorrow, so I'll have more today because soon I wont' be able to). It might just be fear that keeps him eating. It sounds very backwards, but it's common!

It's hard to continue a bad habit when your loved ones have made the change - environment is HUGE in affecting others. Keep to your routine and keep upbeat and motivated. Don't nag, just go on that run yourself and talk about how great you feel and how you can't wait to do it the next day. Don't even ask him to go with you - he'll come around. Talk about how many calories are actually in the food you eat - just be very vocal about what you're doing and how you feel. Good luck!

mimzy

I wish I had some advice for you, but I have the same problem with my husband.

You know, he is the only one that can make the decision. All the begging and pleading in the world won't get him to change his lifestyle. Just like a smoker, a drug addict, an alcoholic---the decision to quit has to be made in their own head. He knows the dangers he is in, but he is "addicted" to that lifestyle.

Hopefully, he'll come to the realization like we did and say, "hey, I need to get healthy, too--can you help me do it?"

Good luck! I wish you both the best!!

LokiFae

First of all, understand that everyone has to come to a lifestyle change on their own time. Forcing the issue is only going to make him defiant. I would sit him down, explain why you're changing your eating habits, and very gently explain that you're worried about his health and you're not trying to nag or change his whole life, you just would like him to be a little bit healthier so that you have more years with him. And then just continue what you're doing. If you're making a grilled chicken breast with veggies for dinner, offer to make a meal for him too. If he refuses, don't push the issue. Eventually he'll see that you're losing weight and feeling better about yourself, and he might (will probably) want to try. A good way to get him to start walking is to walk places that you need to go. As an example, our grocery store is about three blocks away from our house. So, when we need to go, we walk. I tell my husband it's to save gas. That affects the frugal part of his brain, and he thinks, "Hey, if we're saving gas, let's go!!!" Plus, we can only get a small amount of groceries if we're on foot, so we have to go more frequently. Another good option is having him go in for a physical so the doctor can voice some of the fears that you have. He may take it more seriously from a doctor than from you.

Good luck on your quest to make your hubby healthier!!!

Fab140

I also, bought things like Lowfat 1% milk (which he had a fit about because he says that it taste to "watery") LOL :laugh:

I get Organic non-fat milk. It's lower in calories and thicker than regular non-fat milk. Also, if it's in a paper carton, it hold it's nutrients longer than in a plastic container. :happy:

As for him turning around on his eating, there really isn't much you can do until he's ready. I have the same worries about my mother, but she just doesn't care enough right now. Each person has their "I have to lose this weight" trigger. And each person that isn't ready, but is being told they need to lose the weight, will only resent the person pushing it on them.

The best advice I heard was to focus on gettin gyou healthy and once he starts seeing the hot mama you are becoming, he'll step up and start working out. Instead of pushing for a walk or weight lifting, go hit a bucket of balls at the driving range at your local golf park. You can usually borrow clubs there. Or go swimming! Great excercise! So long as you're active and 80% of his meals are decently "healthy" he should start seeing a difference in his body, and then want to lose weight.

:flowerforyou: Best of luck sweetie!

dothompson

The best advice I can give is to catch him doing something right and give lots of praise. We men are very simple and honestly want to please you, however if we feel like we are being nagged we will dig in our heels and get very stubborn. Also it would be helpful if you could get him into a leadership role. Perhaps there is some sort of exercise that he is more familar with and could teach you. A lot of men like the competitiveness of sport. Maybe he'd rather play basketball or raquetball than jog. Lastly we are very motivated by sex, so once he has some successes make sure you let him know that you find his new body irresistable. Make if fun!~!

Good Luck!

divalovesyou1

I wish I had some advice for you, but I have the same problem with my husband.

You know, he is the only one that can make the decision. All the begging and pleading in the world won't get him to change his lifestyle. Just like a smoker, a drug addict, an alcoholic---the decision to quit has to be made in their own head. He knows the dangers he is in, but he is "addicted" to that lifestyle.

Hopefully, he'll come to the realization like we did and say, "hey, I need to get healthy, too--can you help me do it?"

Good luck! I wish you both the best!!

I just hope it don't be too late!!:frown: My thing is I feel HE feels he's young and strong and any health problems won't show until he get's older. But, I try to explain to him you have to get healthy NOW to prevent any potential health problems NOW!!

bamabelle

Like the rest of you, I have the same problem with my husband.

Thankfully, he is beginning to come around some. I nagged him for ages, I know, but he has finally started coming around.... mostly because he sees how much more energy I have just from actually exercising. And he sees the weight I've lost already, and I think it sort of stuck in his "man-brain" that the thinner and more active I get, the more other men will be looking at me and if he's still his non-exercising, cola-guzzling overweight self he might have something to worry about. (he more or less said this to me this past weekend)

He doesn't. I'll be with him, literally, until one or both of us is dead, but hey, if it motivates him, I'm not going to correct him - at least not right now.

He's actually agreed to cut down to one soda in the morning and one in the evening, and agreed to start drinking other things like water and tea with Splenda. That's a big step.

Oh... and i got him to try some of my yogurt... which he actually liked, so that was a good thing.

Baby steps, just like with myself. I learned the hard way.

I wish you luck.

divalovesyou1

First of all, understand that everyone has to come to a lifestyle change on their own time. Forcing the issue is only going to make him defiant. I would sit him down, explain why you're changing your eating habits, and very gently explain that you're worried about his health and you're not trying to nag or change his whole life, you just would like him to be a little bit healthier so that you have more years with him. And then just continue what you're doing. If you're making a grilled chicken breast with veggies for dinner, offer to make a meal for him too. If he refuses, don't push the issue. Eventually he'll see that you're losing weight and feeling better about yourself, and he might (will probably) want to try. A good way to get him to start walking is to walk places that you need to go. As an example, our grocery store is about three blocks away from our house. So, when we need to go, we walk. I tell my husband it's to save gas. That affects the frugal part of his brain, and he thinks, "Hey, if we're saving gas, let's go!!!" Plus, we can only get a small amount of groceries if we're on foot, so we have to go more frequently. Another good option is having him go in for a physical so the doctor can voice some of the fears that you have. He may take it more seriously from a doctor than from you.

Good luck on your quest to make your hubby healthier!!!

I love these ideals!! However, I've tried and tried to get him to go to the doctor just for a normal checkup he refuses!! :explode: I think I just need to take the intiative to make him a doctors appointment and make him go... Hopefully, it will work:ohwell:

neverbeenskinny

The hard part about the loved one is that they have to believe in it and buy into it themselves. You can't force them as if you try, often they will go the other way. I would just be encouraging and continue to loose as you have and eat healthy, soon he will see how much healthier you are. Talk about what you've been eating and how much better you feel and the weight that you have lost. Let him know when you feel full, and that you're never hungry. Often times people think diet = starvation, but he doesn't understand yet that this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle, once he understands it and it sinks in, things will start changing.

It will take time. Be encouraging, supportive and informative, just be careful so he doesn't feel that you are nagging or pushy.

divalovesyou1

The best advice I can give is to catch him doing something right and give lots of praise. We men are very simple and honestly want to please you, however if we feel like we are being nagged we will dig in our heels and get very stubborn. Also it would be helpful if you could get him into a leadership role. Perhaps there is some sort of exercise that he is more familar with and could teach you. A lot of men like the competitiveness of sport. Maybe he'd rather play basketball or raquetball than jog. Lastly we are very motivated by sex, so once he has some successes make sure you let him know that you find his new body irresistable. Make if fun!~!

Good Luck!

Not to get to personal, but, sex is probably the only "active" thing he seems motivated about LOL :laugh: :blushing:

Fab140

The hard part about the loved one is that they have to believe in it and buy into it themselves. You can't force them as if you try, often they will go the other way. I would just be encouraging and continue to loose as you have and eat healthy, soon he will see how much healthier you are. Talk about what you've been eating and how much better you feel and the weight that you have lost. Let him know when you feel full, and that you're never hungry. Often times people think diet = starvation, but he doesn't understand yet that this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle, once he understands it and it sinks in, things will start changing.

It will take time. Be encouraging, supportive and informative, just be careful so he doesn't feel that you are nagging or pushy.

Perfectly put!! especially about the nagging.
Number one way to hurt someone's resolve or self esteem is to constantly tell them how you want them to lose weight. He'll come around. Even my husband is, though he doesn't need to lose any weight, we're both getting out of the snakie needs and getting into eating better meals.

LokiFae

I love these ideals!! However, I've tried and tried to get him to go to the doctor just for a normal checkup he refuses!! :explode: I think I just need to take the intiative to make him a doctors appointment and make him go... Hopefully, it will work:ohwell:

Oh, don't you hate when men refuse to go to the doctor? I swear, my husband's arm could be hanging on by just a strip of flesh and he would say, "Nah, it's all right. I just need to wrap it in duct tape." URGH!!!!!! If you make the appointment, he'll probably go, just to make you happy. Men HATE to miss appointments. I think once he's there, he'll understand why you wanted him to go. Having a history of heart problems is really scary stuff.

divalovesyou1

The hard part about the loved one is that they have to believe in it and buy into it themselves. You can't force them as if you try, often they will go the other way. I would just be encouraging and continue to loose as you have and eat healthy, soon he will see how much healthier you are. Talk about what you've been eating and how much better you feel and the weight that you have lost. Let him know when you feel full, and that you're never hungry. Often times people think diet = starvation, but he doesn't understand yet that this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle, once he understands it and it sinks in, things will start changing.

It will take time. Be encouraging, supportive and informative, just be careful so he doesn't feel that you are nagging or pushy.

Thank you, I will do that!!

divalovesyou1

I want to Thank all of you for sharing your thoughts!! I will try to be more encouraging (stop pressuring him to lose the weight ) and just continue to live a healthy lifestyle!! Hopefully he will follow suit

:flowerforyou:

Mattysmomma

I think once he sees you losing weight, he will come around. I am in the same situation. WE both have baby fat from when I was preggo. I lost 13 so far and he has really came around ( I told he about this website, which he is against.) THe only thing is he hasnt realized it needs to come off slow and steady, he wants to be skinny in 1 hour. He started taking diet pills which I HATE but hopefully he will come around too.....Good luck with your hubby!!

plantlady99

This is a really hard situation, but you have to remember that it's very hard to break old habits - and even with the reality of the heart issues in the family, sometimes it may actually /make/ him eat more (i.e. before a diet when you think "I'll start tomorrow, so I'll have more today because soon I wont' be able to). It might just be fear that keeps him eating. It sounds very backwards, but it's common!

It's hard to continue a bad habit when your loved ones have made the change - environment is HUGE in affecting others. Keep to your routine and keep upbeat and motivated. Don't nag, just go on that run yourself and talk about how great you feel and how you can't wait to do it the next day. Don't even ask him to go with you - he'll come around. Talk about how many calories are actually in the food you eat - just be very vocal about what you're doing and how you feel. Good luck!

i agree sailor
just keep doing what you are doing. he will come around. It might take a long time but he will see how great you are doing.

i had a friend we socialize with for years she always talked about eating healthy. Well, for so long i just did not want to hear it. When we would go out to eat i would ask her not to talk diet. well, the light blub went off and i was ready. now i tell her about healthy eating. i had to be ready on my own time.
i feel your hubby will also. Good Luck

divalovesyou1

I love these ideals!! However, I've tried and tried to get him to go to the doctor just for a normal checkup he refuses!! :explode: I think I just need to take the intiative to make him a doctors appointment and make him go... Hopefully, it will work:ohwell:

Oh, don't you hate when men refuse to go to the doctor? I swear, my husband's arm could be hanging on by just a strip of flesh and he would say, "Nah, it's all right. I just need to wrap it in duct tape." URGH!!!!!! If you make the appointment, he'll probably go, just to make you happy. Men HATE to miss appointments. I think once he's there, he'll understand why you wanted him to go. Having a history of heart problems is really scary stuff.

LOL!! I definetly agree about the duct tape!! LOL

divalovesyou1

This is a really hard situation, but you have to remember that it's very hard to break old habits - and even with the reality of the heart issues in the family, sometimes it may actually /make/ him eat more (i.e. before a diet when you think "I'll start tomorrow, so I'll have more today because soon I wont' be able to). It might just be fear that keeps him eating. It sounds very backwards, but it's common!

It's hard to continue a bad habit when your loved ones have made the change - environment is HUGE in affecting others. Keep to your routine and keep upbeat and motivated. Don't nag, just go on that run yourself and talk about how great you feel and how you can't wait to do it the next day. Don't even ask him to go with you - he'll come around. Talk about how many calories are actually in the food you eat - just be very vocal about what you're doing and how you feel. Good luck!

i agree sailor
just keep doing what you are doing. he will come around. It might take a long time but he will see how great you are doing.

i had a friend we socialize with for years she always talked about eating healthy. Well, for so long i just did not want to hear it. When we would go out to eat i would ask her not to talk diet. well, the light blub went off and i was ready. now i tell her about healthy eating. i had to be ready on my own time.
i feel your hubby will also. Good Luck

Thanks, I guess I needed to hear from a males point of view on how you all feel about this stuff. I just don't want him to wait too late ( due to his family history and all).

eHarris

ok ..so heres my 2c.....

Since you say that sex is the only thing he seems motivated about ...give him goals in that category to look forward too. If you're comfortable with it...get on one of those sexy lingerie sites or get a catalog...the two of you pick out something that you both think is really super hot. Post that picture on the fridge and tell him ...If you can do X (loose two 8 pounds this month, go to the gym with me three times this month...ect ect...) I'll do this for you. And praise the hell outta him when he starts trying...getting in the mindset is half the battle.

Its a bribe I know lol...but it might work. I mean...you're a smokin hot mama....why would he not consider it? :smooched:

divalovesyou1

ok ..so heres my 2c.....

Since you say that sex is the only thing he seems motivated about ...give him goals in that category to look forward too. If you're comfortable with it...get on one of those sexy lingerie sites or get a catalog...the two of you pick out something that you both think is really super hot. Post that picture on the fridge and tell him ...If you can do X (loose two 8 pounds this month, go to the gym with me three times this month...ect ect...) I'll do this for you. And praise the hell outta him when he starts trying...getting in the mindset is half the battle.

Its a bribe I know lol...but it might work. I mean...you're a smokin hot mama....why would he not consider it? :smooched:

Hmmmmm.... Bribery:huh: !! LOL This may be the winning ticket! LOL

thalli1

I agree with mattysmama who said that if he sees you succeeding, he will probably want to get on board. I think that as you get healthy and in shape, he will become inspired by you and want to join you in your journey. Also as he sees you turning down greasy food and watches you lose weight, he'll actually start to choose to make healthier choices himself. It's kind of like watching all the people on this website who have succeeded helping to spur me on to success. Good luck!

redcoat45

I agree with mattysmama and thalli..when he sees how much healthier your choices are and how much better you feel he will feel that he should do the same.

divalovesyou1

Thanks again !! I will continue to strive for a healthier me! :bigsmile: