THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!!! HILARIOUS!!!!
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jksn2nlove
Posts: 74
in Chit-Chat
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the
Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
“How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with men's balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever ! asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time, "Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Just wanted to pass on, everyone needs a good laugh
and remember we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the
Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
“How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with men's balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever ! asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time, "Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens
when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Just wanted to pass on, everyone needs a good laugh
and remember we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak
0
Replies
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LOL...Thank you!!!0
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Laughing so hard I am CRYING! Thanks!0
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OMG!!! This is HYSTERICAL!!! LMAO!!!!
I can't laugh too loud otherwise my 8 year old will wonder and well... yeah.... PWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
HA!! Some of those I've heard before--but they still made me LOL! Thanks!0
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SuuhhWEET!!!0
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Thank you.
I was laughing so hard.0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Oh my land those are so hilarious!!! Especially the last one. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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oh my lord...you,ve sure made me laugh reading these.... :laugh:
thanks for sharing0 -
These were truly funny, I was laughing so hard, my son had to call me, to tell me he can't concentrate on his work......lol0
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Thank you! I needed that after my day today.
I will spill one of my "Oh my God moments".... I had dental work done w/ novacaine and was stopping at a deli on my way home to get a hoagie for my husband. I walked in and there was a guy working the counter. Mush mouth me goes to ask for a Large Hoagie but it came out Large Orgy because of the novacaine..... i wanted to die on the spot. The man in line behind me whispered to his buddy "I want to go to her party tonight".....0 -
Oh my word these are fabulous, thank you so much for posting!0
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Thank you! I needed that after my day today.
I will spill one of my "Oh my God moments".... I had dental work done w/ novacaine and was stopping at a deli on my way home to get a hoagie for my husband. I walked in and there was a guy working the counter. Mush mouth me goes to ask for a Large Hoagie but it came out Large Orgy because of the novacaine..... i wanted to die on the spot. The man in line behind me whispered to his buddy "I want to go to her party tonight".....
OMG!! You had me crying!!!:laugh: :laugh:0 -
thank you for the laugh.0
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Thank you! I needed that after my day today.
I will spill one of my "Oh my God moments".... I had dental work done w/ novacaine and was stopping at a deli on my way home to get a hoagie for my husband. I walked in and there was a guy working the counter. Mush mouth me goes to ask for a Large Hoagie but it came out Large Orgy because of the novacaine..... i wanted to die on the spot. The man in line behind me whispered to his buddy "I want to go to her party tonight".....
OMG!! You had me crying!!!:laugh: :laugh:
Believe me, I was almost in tears when I left... and of course my hubby laughed his @ss off when I told him!0 -
Please don't ever stop posting your wonderful "stories" !!! You're such an awesome friend. Thanks.0
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Please don't ever stop posting your wonderful "stories" !!! You're such an awesome friend. Thanks.
You are welcome sweetie! I try to stay positive and happy. :flowerforyou:0 -
So very funny... Thanks is was well worth reading...0
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Thank you for making me LOL :flowerforyou:0
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Sooooo funny! Thanks for the lols0
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Thank you for the long overdue belly laughs!0
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