HOW DO WE FIX THE INSIDE

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  • krise31
    krise31 Posts: 53 Member
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    this site does great to fix the weight issues we all face but how do we fix the inside i live in a constant fear of how others see me .. i am afraid to approach girls whom i deem im unworthy for ... im ashamed to eat in public in fear of how people view the fat guy eating at the table by himself .. i honestly feel its been hard to find a job bec employers view overweight people as lazy and unmotivated .. i have been cheated on twice and both times have changed me and who i am not always for the better .. my insecurity has driven more than one love of my life out the door and i need to change this lifestyle and way of thinking asap ... im not sure anyone is reading but it does feel better to write it out

    Uhh so I think once a person realizes they need to drop a few pounds all of a sudden they become hyper sensitive of everything around them. If you see yourself as needing to lose weight you suddenly feel everyone in the universe is staring down your throat thinking the same thing. Chill out and relax, to be honest only the people with no actual lives will sit and freakin stare and judge you. For the most part people are usually too wrapped up in their own world to notice others. People cheat for various reasons and most of the time it has nothing to do with looks, I mean have you ever seen some of the bow wows your exs end up with? haha All I can really say is stop thinking for other people and reflecting your self image onto others. BTW this whole "deem unworthy" thing is BS you dont put people on a throne based on their looks. Tell your negative mindset to go kick rocks and everytime you THINK something negative tell yourself "shutup" and instead think about fish or rainbows lol
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    I totally understand where you're coming from and I think the longer one is overweight/obese/fat (whatever word you wanna use) the harder it is to simply stop having those thoughts even as we get healthier. I'd hope the more weight I lose the more confident I'd become and in-turn it would change the horrible thoughts about myself and what others may be thinking of me. Just try everyday to tell yourself that you're worthy of love, you're worth it. I've been trying to tell myself I'm worth it and I deserve to be happy and healthy.

    YOU deserve to be Healthy and Happy.
  • greeneyed84
    greeneyed84 Posts: 427 Member
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    Honestly, i wouldn't worry about other people AT ALL for a while. Concentrate on yourself, get healthier, get the body you want. You will get more confident and trust me, women love Men who are confident. They will come to you!
    Also, i was very insecure, but i did get over it after time. You have to work on yourself. There are good people in the world and bad people. Only have the good ones in your life!! Also, be happy and grateful for the things you do have. I bet they override the negative things.
  • jane77
    jane77 Posts: 489
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    byron katie and the work will question everything..... Is it true? thework.com
  • monkeyboy881
    monkeyboy881 Posts: 287
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    To fix the inside you need to work out what the real problem is.

    For some people their weight truly is the problem, i.e. the cause of their poor self esteem, lack of confidence etc.

    However, for some people it is merely a symptom which is masking the underlying true cause of the problem, but it's psychologically easier to blame the weight and think that when all the weight is gone, life will as by magic have become perfect, and for a lot of people that obviously doesn't happen.

    To give you an abstract example... a female acquaintance blames her nose for everything!!! All her life, her nose, which had a small hump on it, was to blame everytime a relationship failed, she didn't get a job etc etc. So when she was in her late 20s she finally had the money for rhinoplasty and had her nose done. The result was interesting...

    Firstly most people never noticed!! This made her furious!! How could people not notice something this big that held her back all her life??? People did not respond to her differently because her personality and way to responding to situations was still the same. So she has been banking on it all her life that a surgeon can swing his magic want to fix her shortcomings and that life would be perfect and it wasn't. Instead of looking inside herself, her expectations, her real reasons for feeling the way she does... she has now picked something else that she wants operated... now she wants her ears pinned back.

    So I guess, you need to work out if the weight for you is the true cause or just a symptom, and maybe have some sessions with a counsellor to work this out.


    i can totally relate to this .and i know i need to find the underlying problem . in highschool i was a socially butterfly and rarely didnt have a date for friday night the thing that pisses me off most is physically i m very strong but mentally i am fragile and hard to deal with at time .. its gotten to the point i dont enjoy hanging with my friends any more bec they are all coupled up i need an idea of where to meet someone im tired of the bar scene and told my self that i wouldnt find my next g,f, there and the grocery store is kinda creepy place to introduce yourself ... i have thought about the gym but i know many girls who hate going to the gym bec they always get hit on i dunno but open for ideas
  • backinthenines
    backinthenines Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Seems like you think that meeting someone will sort you out?

    Maybe you would be better off sorting yourself out before trying to meet someone?

    You said yourself that your insecurities and lack of trust have destroyed relationships and driven people away. I would try work on that first before trying to meet another lady.

    Just saying. :flowerforyou:
  • Northantsman
    Northantsman Posts: 32
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    When I was on the staff at a university, I made friends with a female undergraduate who was reaching out for help on the uni blog site. She was bulimic and anorexic and struggling with her second year: not her studies, just with the stress of trying to keep studying in a foreign country while she kept up with her problems. She was actually more or less in remission from the eating disorders but they were always there on her shoulder waiting to get in her head again and it was a constant struggle for her, albeit from a different direction from most of us here.

    The whole 'psychology of food' thing is quite fascinating. I'm sure that whole careers have been made out of its research in academia!
  • monkeyboy881
    monkeyboy881 Posts: 287
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    Seems like you think that meeting someone will sort you out?

    Maybe you would be better off sorting yourself out before trying to meet someone?

    You said yourself that your insecurities and lack of trust have destroyed relationships and driven people away. I would try work on that first before trying to meet another lady.

    Just saying. :flowerforyou:


    well said and well taken i totally understand this thank you for the awesome insight
  • backinthenines
    backinthenines Posts: 1,083 Member
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    I had a couple of bad relationships (also have been cheated on). After the last time I made a conscious choice to take "time out".

    I was single for 5 years. I did lots of stuff. I travelled a lot. I went to university. I started sports. I made friends. I did an Ironman. And I grew up an awful lot to be honest.

    And then I met a great guy.

    I'm sure she's out there for you but you need to get yourself in a better frame of mind first.

    Best of luck to you!! :drinker:

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