When someone says you should stop losing weight....

themyriadthings

Today shortly after my latest progress post (of a 1 lb loss) showed up on my Facebook page, one of my FB friends (who is not an MFP friend) posted something like, "Oh no, no more!" This pissed me off, maybe more than it should have.

I have reached my goal weight and have dipped down a bit below it by a couple of pounds, but I am still in the upper half of the healthy BMI range for my height. I currently weigh 135.5 and I'm 5 foot 4 inches. So I don't think that I am underweight by any stretch of the imagination and in fact I still have work to do when it comes to my tummy, hips and thighs. I am not sure why someone would say this to me, never mind post it on my FB for other people to see. I ended up deleting the comment when I saw it. She is a small and fit person herself, so it's not a jealousy or sour grapes kind of situation.

What bugs me the most is that it bugs me at all. I guess I've worked so hard to get to this weight that I just can't fathom the idea that someone else would think it's a negative thing. Maybe people who've been small and fit their whole lives just have no clue what it's like to be otherwise. I don't know. It was just very weird.

Anyway, that's my rant.

paleonyx

YES! I have had people say the same thing to me and I still have quite a bit to lose! I think it all boils down to people don't like change and they may not necessarily like to see someone else happy or thin?

papastu

i think its because they hate to see people succeed, my friends were in australia for 6 weeks, came back and were like look at you, shouldnt you stop soon, i was like no

vballer21

Same. I think people are just jealous. Jealous they don't have the same willpower and determination..when i go out to eat with my friends and order grilled chicken/veggies...they get so mad at me. They'll make fun of me and rub in my face how they all got cheeseburgers...fries...etc. I've learned to ignore it...I've changed my life and if they don't accept it that's fine, but I'm not going to put anything in my body that I don't want in it! haha just ignore them. Like i said...jealousy:)

SandraMay1982

Don't worry about it. You can turn it off from sharing those posts on your facebook. I only ever have the "calories burned" and "weight lost" posts double over there. I can't remember why it was but someone commented on my posts once and it too bugged me. I think it was a "completed her food diary" one and someone said they were eating junk food, like kfc or something. I am not sure what compelled someone who is maybe 1kg "over weight" because their "pants don't sit right" to tell someone who has a whole OTHER PERSON to lose that they were eating crap food because I was under my calorie limit for the day. I ripped her a new one, though, instead of ignoring it. ha. then made it so those posts no longer go to facebook

SandraMay1982

Don't worry about it. You can turn it off from sharing those posts on your facebook. I only ever have the "calories burned" and "weight lost" posts double over there. I can't remember why it was but someone commented on my posts once and it too bugged me. I think it was a "completed her food diary" one and someone said they were eating junk food, like kfc or something. I am not sure what compelled someone who is maybe 1kg "over weight" because their "pants don't sit right" to tell someone who has a whole OTHER PERSON to lose that they were eating crap food because I was under my calorie limit for the day. I ripped her a new one, though, instead of ignoring it. ha. then made it so those posts no longer go to facebook

MobiusMan

You're beautiful and healthy and moving toward YOUR goals. Like I told a friend..."I don't remember writing a check for consultant fees so shut the F**K up"

themyriadthings

It is so strange, and so maddening! About 20 pounds ago I had someone tell me to sit down and rest because I looked unwell and they were sure it was becasue I had "lost too much weight" Actually, it was my first day back at work after getting over a bad cold and cough!

Seeing people change does make others uncomfortable, I guess. Sure looks different from the inside point of view!

BirdsofaFeather

Maybe it was meant as a compliment? I had a friend lose a good amount of weight; from a size 9/10 to a size 3/4. She hated all the attention she got "Wow, you lost so much weight"...etc, because it made her think she was fat before; which she was not.

I told her in our society when people lose weight the healthy way (like she did, drank less and took up yoga), we are conditioned to give positive feedback.

Maybe her friend saying you don't need to lose a pound more was in someway the same thing. A compliment of sorts?

themyriadthings

Thanks for the support everyone! I may just turn those automatic FB updates off....

treena99

I get comments like that all the time. People say, I should stop trying to lose weight. You look great. They say, if I continue, I will look sick! I just shake my head and continue to count my calories. I know what size I want to be. If I want to be a size 4, then that is what I want. They don't have to wear the pants.. I do. I went from a size 18 to now a size 9. I have 30 more pounds to reach my goal of 125. Don't let it get to you. Just do you. Do what you feel is best for you.. and don't worry about anything else.

themyriadthings

Birds of a feather - I guess could have been a roundabout compliment, it was just so strange how she worded it, like "Oh no!" It doesn't hurt to give the benefit of the doubt I guess. She is a generally nice person, just maybe kind of blunt.

asj0901

You and I are the same height and my goal (for now) is 135 and as I get closer I am thinking of changing my goal to 130. But, already I am hearing similar comments. Even though your friend is tiny and fit, it may not be jealousy as much as it is subconscience competition. Sometimes the "tiny fit friend" is so used to being that person in the relationship they feel like ( with out realizing they feel this way) their "position" is in jeopardy and they will not be the tiny fit friend any more. Kind of like a pecking order. I have friends that were all for me losing when I was talking about it but now there is progress I am getting different reactions.

themyriadthings

The truth is I have never felt so healthy and alive!!! To actually enjoy living in my own body is an amazing thing, that I didn't even know was possible! And it is the support and understanding here that is so powerful. Thanks everyone

millerll

Yeah, I get this all the time, even though I'm at a very healthy weight for my height (5' 4") and just had a stellar check-up. Funny how no one told me when I was gaining weight, "Hey, don't eat so much. You're getting too fat." Might have saved me a lot of trouble down the road. :grumble:

FemininGuns

The people that know about my hard work don't tell me comments like that - BUT, if people just meet me for first time or even family members who I haven't seen in a while - THEY will tell me I'm too small... I'm 5'4" and currently weigh 122#. I don't look 'skinny' I look fit and healthy!

I also think that when reach our goals or look like we're on our way to achieve them, people have a hard time looking at themselves because they see our shining attitude and the love for life because of our happiness with ourselves. They have to ask serious questions about themselves and their life goals and sometimes that's not easy to do... So what better way to no turn to self-reflection than can make us change and work hard at something than to sabotage one of my friends' success? "Ya ya, take the focus off me and my problems" says the friend that hasn't done anything of value to herself/himself in a long while...

I say GOOD job and keep it up - this will probably drive you even more in the end! :drinker:

M_lifts

ignore her and do what you feel is best. I have these comments all the time, i got a job when i was pregnant and started working after my mat leave was done. so i started 'big' at about 155-158 pounds and thats how everyone knows me! lol!, im normally about 126-128lbs (im 5'2") and now im abt 2lbs away from that but keep getting comments to stop, i look ill etc etc! so i feel your annoyance! Stop when u want to

QueenofCups

well, this post is making me feel like a fat cow. I am also 5'4" and was told by my Dr that I shouldn't try to get under 145 for my height and bone structure - but most of you already weigh less than me and want to lose way more.

But re: the original topic. I am sure they are just trying to be roundabout supportive.

flttumee

I repIied on my home page but it's not showing here so i re-posted:

I think (just my opinion) that way down deep inside I get scared (manifests as mad or pised off) because i can use those comments as excuses and go back to taking the easy road through life. I remember once my overweight SISTER saying to me (when i was running 5K's every weekend) "what are you running from?" I vented to a friend whole told me this: "People get scared in the face of someone else's success. It simply forces them to face their own failures. So they have to firehose your success to make themselves feel better about the choices they've made." So its not that she's jealous of your weight lose . . it's you're ability to reach your goal, to make yourself better, to take the road less traveled. I raised my daughter with this philiosophy taken from The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz: Don't take things personally, people are the star of their own lives and when they say and do things that hurt or try to bring you down it is simply a reflection of where they are in their lives at that moment and has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you! . . . Just my 2 cents!

themyriadthings

Fittumee - it did show up on my profile - thank you! I have responded there as well.

Thanks everyone for all your comments and insights. The past 8 months have been absolutely amazing and I still have so much to learn and think about and do. I really appreciate everyone's generosity with their comments and time.

May we all have safety, health, happiness and peace.

MissTomGettingThin

Someone mentioned they think you're looking good or something like that.
I think that's what it is.
My friends are saying 'no more, you don't need to lose anymore'. I don't think they are jealous at all.
I think they care.
They see me losing weight and worry that I might be crash dieting or missing meals or whatever.
I have another 14 lbs to go and will continue to. I just say thanks for the support and compliments and change the subject.

Someone also mentioned elsewhere about wearing smaller clothes. If your clothes are too big you look like you've lost too much weight but when you get new clothes you look good and not underweight.

I hope this makes sense.

Best of luck and be strong. xx

missabeez

Hi All,

I just have a few things to add to this discussion, as I can see it as a problem with society as a whole.

It seems that society is contradicting itself in many ways. Celebrities are shown to us looking slim and fit, magazines are constantly trying to get us to try out the new diet fads or to try this one quick technique every night for 7 days to lose the belly fat quick! Our entire culture centres around body image, and tells us to stop eating all of the processed foods because we are clogging our arteries. But then everyone turns around and sees ads for McDonalds, greasy burgers, french fries, ice cream, etc. Basically all of the foods that we should be avoiding are the easiest for us to get! Not only that, but it continues from there. We are told by people that we should be slim and fit, but then we also target the people that are in the 120 ranges. We hear comments that they look anorexic, should get some meat on them, look sick, weak, etc, and this is mostly due to the fact that the people making the comments are the ones that are not happy with their body image, hear the pressure from the media to lose weight, but can't control their eating habits because of the easily available fatty fast foods! They get jealous that other people can control themselves and then lash out at those that have achieved their goals. They get a small amount of self-satisfaction, but it could really affect the self-esteem of the person who has reached their weight loss goals.

Just try to remember that you are doing this for YOURSELF. Don't fall into the trap, don't be like the rest of the sheep. Work towards being happy with your body so that you can care for it properly.

goal30Lori

I saw that comment Theresa, and was put off by it as well! I don't think it's a jealousy thing, since this person is very fit themselves, but if it was concern, it was very poorly worded. I know that you have struggled to try and stop losing weight since you have reached your goal, and of course, it doesn't post your gains so nobody knew you gained a 1/2 pound the week before. Could you send thus person a message explaining how their comment made you feel, or do you think they would not get it?

Sorry sista.

WarmDontBurn

I haven't actually read the other replies but my grandmother recently said the same thing to me and I was happy...LOL. In my opinion it was her way of saying "wow you lost a lot of weight...slow down" I think if this person is a friend they may not have meant it as an insult. When someone loses quite a bit of weight and are down around average they just look skinny, compare to the way they were. Hope that makes sense.

When I started I was 170 and she called me fat quite a bit. When I was around 145 she told me to stop losing weight and start eating. I think she sees the results not the work, progress or goal.

everet36

I have my dad making comments saying I look "too thin". I'm a size six. I've lost 8lbs in 2 months by exercising 3 days a week and eating 1500-1800calories a day. I'm not starving myself, I'm just keeping myself accountable for what I put in my mouth. I can't stand it when he makes those comments. I have a lot of body fat to lose -- I'm currently 28.8% body fat, even though I am of a normal weight. I was actually upset I lost more weight, I'm pretty sure it's muscle . I guess I need to up my calories even more.

captainlindarg

I experienced the same thing a lot when I lost a bunch of weight (before re-gaining it, heh.) I think some people really just don't like to see others succeed because it makes them feel insecure. I'm the same height as you, and my goal weight is around 130-135, but have been as low as 120. It totally depends on the person/body type/everything. Don't let it bother you girl, the progress you've made is amazing. She should be patting you on the back, not putting you down.

Dencrossgirl

My friend, is really short and lost a lot of weight and very possibly is only around 100 pounds, but she just looks great. She for sure is not too skinny at all, but wow I was shocked at all the grief she gets from other people. She is a nurse and the other nurses are steady on her case. These women are just mean and actually it is scary how people will treat you.