A word about last night...

Missevanston

Last night my husband and I went to a parent event for our youngest child's crew team. It was at a musuem in the city and we had to bring a dessert.

Even though I had a tough start to the day regarding exercise, I got it done and ate under calories in anticipation of the dinner.
Once there, I decided to drink calories in the form of red wine. 4 6-8oz glasess in, I was hungry. I tried to stick to the snacks that looked the 'healthiest'. You know those little square, rye pieces of bread? Well, they were spread with some flavored kind of cream cheese and a thin slice of cucumber on top. I had probably six of those. Then there were wraps cut inot rolls. They looked like they were stuffed with rice and tomatos, had two of those.

Easily I ate 7-10 pieces of small, (like with a toothpick) breaded chicken in a glaze. Another glass of wine (no water in sight)!
When desssert rolled around, the one comittment that I made to myself, I kept. I did not eat a lemon cake (love those things)! BUT I did eat a brownie and a chocolate chip (blondie type) cookie.
When we got home, I went straight to MFP and just threw 1000 calories in there not including wine - which I added separately. I still was 'under calories', but I dunno.

The thing that I kept thinking about while I was there, was what were others' eating. How did they look? Did they care what I was eating? Did they notice? There were definitely women who were far 'skinnier' than I was, but there were also several who were much heavier than I. I found that while I was socializing I was distracted by how many times I went back for another cucumber appetizer or piece of chicken, trying to keep count and pretend that I wasn't. It was hard, and weird.
I noted too the people who just ate with abandon and unlike me, didn't seem to care one way or the other. That used to be me. It got to the point that I felt strange counting the number of cookies or brownies other people put on their little plate (without looking like I cared or was counting). This cannot be healthy, for sure. While I think I was okay with regard to what I ate (or didn't), I didn't feel okay mentally. Ugh. I feel sick.

I don't want to feel sick or strange about what I eat, or for that matter what others eat. I just wanna be able to not hoard myself with extra calories and feel fine, not so self concious and overly aware. I feel like one extreme is as bad as the other. I need to make peace with what I eat and how I eat especially in a social gathering such as this.

On a positve note, I did feel good about what I was wearing and how I felt in my clothes. I know I looked good, and that gave me confidence, even though to the untrained eye, I was clearly a mental case!
End of diatribe
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skinnylizzard

Hahahahahaha!!!!! That's so funny...and TOO TRUE! I know exactly how you feel! Anyhow, I really enjoyed reading that! I feel like I'm an obsessive compulsive freak sometimes!

NoAdditives

I've always taken a day or two off every week from counting calories. It gives me some freedom for social events or eating at a restaurant and keeps a little sane, too. I don't feel so restricted every second of every day.

ItsTerriC

I'm SO glad I'm not the only one! I find myself watching others and making mental notes all the time. I wonder how many of them are paying attention even though they don't seem to be. Even worse, I worry about who is watching what I eat and making judgments. I've only been on MFP for a week, and this is the first time I've ever actually logged what I eat. It's been a real learning experience so far. Hopefully we will always think about what we are eating, but maybe it will become more second nature after a while and it won't seem so strange. There will be days when there is a special event and we know we'll go over our goal. I think that's fine as long as it is limited to a few occasions and doesn't become an every week thing. Not being aware is what got us here in the first place, lol. Don't feel strange about it, feel proud that know you now and you decide.

llkilgore

I've thought about how I should handle occasions like you describe and decided that, for me, the healthiest thing might be to become a social eater. I'm a social drinker, meaning that I'm not a teetotaler, but never even think about drinking alone, or even when just family is around (all of us have "out of sight, out of mind" attitudes toward alcohol). The occasions when I'm confronted with cream cheese thinggies with cucumber on top are at least as rare as occasions when I'm confronted with red wine - tend to be the same occasions, in fact - so I might as well treat them the same, eat and drink what I want for that one evening, and not worry about it.

miovlb6

I do allow myself a little more freedom when I go out--about once a week. But even then, I'm constantly thinking about what goes into my mouth and sometimes (I admit) scrutinizing what other people are eating. Don't feel bad about it...it's just where we are right now.

But, keep in mind that right now you're trying to lose weight. It's hard, but this is a temporary thing. Eventually you will get to your goal. Once you do, your aim will change: you will no longer need to lose, you'll need to maintain. You'll still need to eat well and you won't want to go back to old habits, but you will be able to relax a bit around food. Right now we are retraining our brains to think differently about food; unfortunately, it means we're thinking about food a lot. But hopefully, we're doing this the right way and learning what to do and what not to do so that once we're back where we want to be with our weight, we'll have developed the tools to keep it up almost instinctively.

Dawntodusk

You said you didn't eat ahead of time in order to save calories for the dinner. Well, maybe you could try the opposite strategy. Fill up before with healthy foods and go with a full stomach so that you won't eat things that you did not prepare and are probably not as healthy as a result.

Purplegal

I'm glad you posted this! I've been feeling the same way...getting too obsessed I think with counting calories and watching everything. My mom and sisters came over last night and we made a big pot of chili and cornbread and they wanted dessert so we made cookies and the whole time I was just obsessing about how much I should eat, etc...it really kind of ruined my night. I mean, I'm SO glad I've found my willpower and am losing weight, but....now its like I'm AFRAID to enjoy myself and not obsess, if only once in awhile. And yes, I constantly observing others and their choices too...its craziness!

Missevanston

You said you didn't eat ahead of time in order to save calories for the dinner. Well, maybe you could try the opposite strategy. Fill up before with healthy foods and go with a full stomach so that you won't eat things that you did not prepare and are probably not as healthy as a result.

You know, that is probably good advice! Thanks!

PegasusDeb

You said you didn't eat ahead of time in order to save calories for the dinner. Well, maybe you could try the opposite strategy. Fill up before with healthy foods and go with a full stomach so that you won't eat things that you did not prepare and are probably not as healthy as a result.

That is so true. Even with the wine, could you have made it a spritzer? I'm not a wine drinker, but I have tried that. (I didn't like it, but that's just me! I'll take a cold Bud anytime! lol :drinker: )
I don't have to watch what I eat when I go out, I have fam that does it for me. Talk about annoying... I am sure they think they are trying to help, but I don't appreciate it.

melodyg

i can identify with mentally totalling up what you were eating and not wanting to do that forever! I am in a lot of settings like that as well. For now, I just try to make healthier choices and then put in what I ate on my food diary. My hope is that through totaling up all of that *now* and learning more what the calories/nutrition is, I will have more confidence in social settings in the future. I have to agree that a good strategy is to fill up with healthy foods before going -- I know the surest way for me to overindulge is to get *too* hungry!

I am not really a drinker either, but what I would do in that situation is figure up in advance what calories are in your favorite drink. Then you can set yourself a limit for what to drink and how many calories you want to allot for drinking. I'm thinking that there *has* to always be water somewhere! I don't really like wine, so I know in your shoes I'd be asking someone for something nonalcoholic. There are plenty of reasons for someone to do so, ranging from not really loving alcohol to being pregnant to being on medication that doesn't mix with alcohol. I can't imagine that someone planning a large (or even small) scale social event wouldn't have nonalcoholic beverages somewhere for those who can't or don't choose to drink alcohol. (Of course, some of those nonalcoholic versions are pretty calorie-filled too!)

susanswan

Well, you are NOT alone! I am trying to deal with social situations, too. It becomes an all consuming and obsessive event for me. I've only had one "dinner out" so far and that was a charity F.O.E. dinner and REALLY disappointing, although I DID GREAT! I was just obsessed with the food they gave me, or in this rare case didn't give me, what I felt comfortable about eating, and what I refused to eat. I did notice later that the help got to eat (for free) about 3 times the amount of food that I got (which would have been almost enough for a 5 year old!). I am really comfortable saying no to dessert, and white fluffy bread rolls and butter. I find that it actually gives me strength to say out loud to someone, "Oh, no, I don't eat that anymore." Sadly, yes I do notice that most people who don't care what they eat are fat. (I'm fat.) Every meal or party is just one big out of control event. If there is a positive spin to eating healthy, I have to say it is feeling more in control of my food, body, and health. I guess that is something when I have to give up sugar and white flour that I love. It does give me a sense of empowerment instead of deprivation. I just need to remind myself that there is a prize at the end of the rainbow waiting for me: Cute clothes in a size 8, and having everyone "ooh, and aahh" at my accomplishment. Living a healthier life will be it's own reward. Just hope I can remember all of this when I face my next dessert table!! Ha! Ha! = D