Tough Love
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NikkisNewStart
Posts: 1,100 Member
I cannot hold it in any longer! I am probably going to get flamed for this post but I do not care! Maybe it will hit home for someone who honestly wants to change their life!
It seems to be acceptable in our society when we see someone smoking and/or drinking to shout out... "Don't drink and drive, it can kill you!" or "Smoking causes Cancer, you need to quit!" But- when we see someone eating themselves to death and making poor nutritional choices, we just sit back and watch... EVEN on MFP!!!
I assume people come to MFP because they want to make a change... some kind of change... and from what I've observed, it usually entails losing weight and getting healthy. WHY, oh WHY, on earth are people praising others for consistently staying under their calorie goals, filling their diaries with processed crap and fast food, and encouraging others to 'not eat your exercise calories' when that means their net consumed is significantly below a healthy limit?
WHY, oh WHY, on earth when someone posts that they 'can't lose weight' but fail to open up their food diaries to be honest with others about what it is they are actually eating... do people coddle them and stroke them? Hello? They are here for a change, remember??? Coddling & ignoring is probably a contributor to their problem in the first place.
I am not posting to be 'holier than thou' because hello? I came here for a change too! And I made the change and appreciated people being HONEST and critical of my choices because let's face it... if I made the best choices to begin with, I wouldn't have been fat.
Food does not define me or my feelings. It is there only to nourish my body. Because I am critical of someone's food choices does not mean I am attacking them personally or devaluing them as a person. On the contrary, because I value them as a person I want to see them SUCCEED! Because I want them to succeed in reaching their goals, I will be honest when they ask for advice or need encouragement.
I will not tell an obese person that 'muscle weighs more than fat' when they tell me their workouts consist of 'cleaning' and 'cooking' and last night's dinner was composed of McDonald's.
I will not tell another mom that 'it's ok' when she makes endless excuses about why she doesn't have time to workout yet can quote every line from The Real Housewives.
It is not about being mean, it is about being REAL. IF you truly want to change your life, then changes need to happen. I encourage everyone on this site to stop coddling other members and start giving honest, critical advice, when someone reaches out for encouragement.
Simply saying "it's ok" is not going to help... if you see someone is doing something unhealthy and that is not conducive to a long term healthy lifestyle change- CALL THEM OUT.
You would do it if you saw someone drinking and driving and you would do it if you saw someone smoking themselves to death... why not here?
It seems to be acceptable in our society when we see someone smoking and/or drinking to shout out... "Don't drink and drive, it can kill you!" or "Smoking causes Cancer, you need to quit!" But- when we see someone eating themselves to death and making poor nutritional choices, we just sit back and watch... EVEN on MFP!!!
I assume people come to MFP because they want to make a change... some kind of change... and from what I've observed, it usually entails losing weight and getting healthy. WHY, oh WHY, on earth are people praising others for consistently staying under their calorie goals, filling their diaries with processed crap and fast food, and encouraging others to 'not eat your exercise calories' when that means their net consumed is significantly below a healthy limit?
WHY, oh WHY, on earth when someone posts that they 'can't lose weight' but fail to open up their food diaries to be honest with others about what it is they are actually eating... do people coddle them and stroke them? Hello? They are here for a change, remember??? Coddling & ignoring is probably a contributor to their problem in the first place.
I am not posting to be 'holier than thou' because hello? I came here for a change too! And I made the change and appreciated people being HONEST and critical of my choices because let's face it... if I made the best choices to begin with, I wouldn't have been fat.
Food does not define me or my feelings. It is there only to nourish my body. Because I am critical of someone's food choices does not mean I am attacking them personally or devaluing them as a person. On the contrary, because I value them as a person I want to see them SUCCEED! Because I want them to succeed in reaching their goals, I will be honest when they ask for advice or need encouragement.
I will not tell an obese person that 'muscle weighs more than fat' when they tell me their workouts consist of 'cleaning' and 'cooking' and last night's dinner was composed of McDonald's.
I will not tell another mom that 'it's ok' when she makes endless excuses about why she doesn't have time to workout yet can quote every line from The Real Housewives.
It is not about being mean, it is about being REAL. IF you truly want to change your life, then changes need to happen. I encourage everyone on this site to stop coddling other members and start giving honest, critical advice, when someone reaches out for encouragement.
Simply saying "it's ok" is not going to help... if you see someone is doing something unhealthy and that is not conducive to a long term healthy lifestyle change- CALL THEM OUT.
You would do it if you saw someone drinking and driving and you would do it if you saw someone smoking themselves to death... why not here?
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Replies
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And this is why i love ya! Tell it to them. I have people everyday ask me what I am eating to lose weight and I tell them up front, that they would not eat like me because i am in fitness training, and that is because that is what i did 8 yrs ago when I competed, but that they could look at my food diary and get some ideas on healthy eating. I do not beat around the bush either when i eat something not so "clean" i have had pizza, doughnuts, ice cream on my contest diet and have posted it. SO I say wake up people and do whats best for you, and if you want to complain about time management and not enough time, we dont want to hear it. From a mom of 3 very active kids...Larisa0
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<,filling their diaries with processed crap and fast food>>
You know what? I'm sick of self important, bette than thou people who ***** at others for eating what they want to eat
I started MFP because it allowed me to eat 'processed crap and fast food', while also allowing me to eat better. Not perfect, but BETTER, no, I don't eat fast food often(once or twice on the weekend, yep, I stopped at Wendy's on Saturday, but I also busted my butt working an event all day long, walking for 4 hrs) anymore, but it's my choice to do so, and anyone who dares yell at me for doing so is goign to get an earful.
I would never start a diet that didn't allow me to eat what I LIKED to eat, because it's setting myself up for failure.
So yes, if I want to order a pizza and have it, or stop at McD's and have a burger and small fry, I sure the heck am going to do so, I've not yet been over my calories for the day, and if it looks like I'll be close,I go put my butt on my stationary bike and belt out 20 mins of exercise. . .it's all in moderation0 -
Bowing down to you with arms extended out in awe and worship! WELL SAID!!!!!!!!!! There should be billboards and TV and radio commercials citing the health hazards of overeating. (like you said they do for alcohol and cigarettes and even cell phones) I'm no angel, I do eat some fast food (the healthiest choices available) and some processed food (both for convenience) and I usually stay under my calories but not extremely under at all.0
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I agree 100%. Drives me nuts when someone eats fast food on a regular basis - and is "under" calories, and everyone is like YAY. Really? Yay? IMO, workouts consist getting into workout clothes and breaking a sweat, having your HR up......not washing dishes. No flaming ya here.0
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Could not agree more with the OP!!! Everyone in our society seems to be so worried about people getting their feelings hurt that we have to handle everyone as if they are fragile and weak. I don't think that's the case!! I think we are all strong and have the ability to take control of our own lives but we need to be willing to hear the truth about ourselves. Guess what? Sometimes it's not fun to hear. That's why they say the truth hurts. Either live with it, accept it and make the necessary changes or be destined to live in a fantasy land and always find someone else to blame your problems on!!!0
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not to be a total jerkoff but WHY do you care about others diaries and what others eat?
you said it yourself, you came here because you needed to change. have you changed? i bet you have. are you eating healthier, feeling better? i so bet you are..so who gives a **** what the others are doing? im assuming they are NOT your friends so screw them. if they ARE your friends, then WHY are they your friends if they arent on the "same page" as you.
i didnt write this to flame you at all. im just writing it to point out to you that you are the only one held accountable for you...youre doing good and that's all that should matter to you.
keep up the good work!0 -
<,filling their diaries with processed crap and fast food>>
You know what? I'm sick of self important, bette than thou people who ***** at others for eating what they want to eat
I started MFP because it allowed me to eat 'processed crap and fast food', while also allowing me to eat better. Not perfect, but BETTER, no, I don't eat fast food often(once or twice on the weekend, yep, I stopped at Wendy's on Saturday, but I also busted my butt working an event all day long, walking for 4 hrs) anymore, but it's my choice to do so, and anyone who dares yell at me for doing so is goign to get an earful.
I would never start a diet that didn't allow me to eat what I LIKED to eat, because it's setting myself up for failure.
So yes, if I want to order a pizza and have it, or stop at McD's and have a burger and small fry, I sure the heck am going to do so, I've not yet been over my calories for the day, and if it looks like I'll be close,I go put my butt on my stationary bike and belt out 20 mins of exercise. . .it's all in moderation
I think she was more talking about the people that eat McDonald's on a regular basis, not once or twice a week. I definitely agree with you, I eat junk food a couple times a week. That being said, she's saying that you can't encourage people who make excuses, but show you differently, i.e. the people that claim to not have time to work out but post about their favorite tv shows every week. You're doing great, and it's about making better choices. She's just saying to be honest with people when they're looking for advice. Like, if I said "why am I not losing weight" and you looked at my food diary and saw nothing but pizza and tootsie rolls and then said "hmm... can't see any reason why, just be patient"
Are we all friends again? :flowerforyou:0 -
Could not agree more with the OP!!! Everyone in our society seems to be so worried about people getting their feelings hurt that we have to handle everyone as if they are fragile and weak. I don't think that's the case!! I think we are all strong and have the ability to take control of our own lives but we need to be willing to hear the truth about ourselves. Guess what? Sometimes it's not fun to hear. That's why they say the truth hurts. Either live with it, accept it and make the necessary changes or be destined to live in a fantasy land and always find someone else to blame your problems on!!!
Very nicely said. ^^^^
To the OP- Bravo!
P.S. There will always be excuses, I do not believe in supporting those excuses.0 -
"...they tell me their workouts consist of 'cleaning' and 'cooking' and last night's dinner was composed of McDonald's....I will not tell another mom that 'it's ok' when she makes endless excuses about why she doesn't have time to workout yet can quote every line from The Real Housewives."
SO AGREE with all of the above!0 -
If someone posts a THREAD asking for advice or wanting encouragement... and people do not tell them HONESTLY what they are doing wrong... then they are doing them a disservice. I am not out here seeking out people's diaries to look at... it gets under my skin when I see post after post after post of people ASKING for advice and NOT receiving honest, critical feedback in return.
If someone is ASKING for advice and encouragement and someone decides to coddle them and not call them out for choices they can make differently to reach their goals... then you aren't helping their situation at all and should probably not post... "Good job" and "Tomorrow is a new day" is not good advice... How about "Tomorrow is a new day to make some different choices. I noticed in your diary that you had fast food 4 times this week. Is it because it is easier or a time management issue? I have found that prepping and cooking on a less busy day for the entire week helps me cut down on trips for more convenient foods."
Offering critical advice does not equate to being mean... and if you think I'm self righteous then you obviously missed the entire point of my thread.0 -
If someone posts a THREAD asking for advice or wanting encouragement... and people do not tell them HONESTLY what they are doing wrong... then they are doing them a disservice. I am not out here seeking out people's diaries to look at... it gets under my skin when I see post after post after post of people ASKING for advice and NOT receiving honest, critical feedback in return.
If someone is ASKING for advice and encouragement and someone decides to coddle them and not call them out for choices they can make differently to reach their goals... then you aren't helping their situation at all and should probably not post... "Good job" and "Tomorrow is a new day" is not good advice... How about "Tomorrow is a new day to make some different choices. I noticed in your diary that you had fast food 4 times this week. Is it because it is easier or a time management issue? I have found that prepping and cooking on a less busy day for the entire week helps me cut down on trips for more convenient foods."
Offering critical advice does not equate to being mean... and if you think I'm self righteous then you obviously missed the entire point of my thread.
^^ thumbs up ^^0 -
Very nicely said.
Best wishes to you on continued success.0 -
I agree 100% and am someone who needs a straight shooter to call me on things or point out areas to improve on! The more help I can get the better!0
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I have tried to encourage people with advice about their calories. I've gotten flamed, or ignored, so I stopped. I agree with you.
People are going to eat bad stuff here and there, that bad stuff has been built into our lifestyles and is part of our culture, so to expect someone to stop it completely might be far fetched. To the people in here who flamed her for making a statement, I think maybe her point is being misheard.
There are people on MFP, and in the world outside of MFP, who make excuses for everything they do. They accept no responsibility or accountability for their actions. They roll with this knowledge base and attitude that has them stuck as far as weight loss and health is concerned. How much of it is a front and how much is poor education is a mystery to me, but I tend to chalk it up to personal desires. People who say, "I don't know why I'm not losing weight, all I ate today was a slice of sicilian pizza and a foot long sub from Subway" do not get my sympathy. People who post gripes publicly or in their profile about hitting a plateau whose status states, "Burned 600 calories doing 15 minutes of light cardio including vacuuming" do not get an "Awww that's too bad" from me.
The epidemic here is that people want something to HAPPEN, they don't all want to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I think that is the point of the OP. I am not better than anyone, I might just be slightly more motivated and better educated about certain things. I am not pooping on anyone, but if I choose not to coddle those who consistently make wrong decisions, it shouldn't be viewed as a negative thing. People asking for help need help, not smokescreens.0 -
People asking for help need help, not smokescreens.
Thank you... that is exactly what I'm saying. If someone is asking for help in a thread, then I assume they honestly do not know what they are doing 'wrong.' If I, or anyone else, can see a potential cause or something that could be changed... I hope that someone would say something. It does not mean you are being mean.
If they are asking for help, they obviously want to change, so please give them some information that will help if you have it.
I eat junk every now and then but I am not posting a thread dumbfounded as to why I gained 5 pounds overnight or am not getting any closer to my goals. If I did post- I obviously don't know that some of my choices have led to this outcome so I hope that someone would honestly tell me.
Those that get offended when you tell them the truth are not ready to receive it... for those, I really don't know what to do other than give the advice they are asking for and hope maybe it will sink in eventually.
Good luck everyone on reaching your goals!0 -
I completely agree with you!! I hate when people whine about not losing weight, yet they aren't making the sacrifices that need to be made! Anytime I have trouble losing weight (or even a gain a pound or two), i KNOW what i did wrong. I can pinpoint exactly where the problem was. People who lie in their food OR exercise diaries are only lying to themselves! We can encourage as much as we'd like, but they're the ones who really want the results. If you're not putting forth the effort, you're not going to get those results.. & it's going to be tough!0
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YES!!!!!0
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Never mind I saw the above posts! Had a blonde moment!!!0
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To be honest when I am smoking and someone feels the need to call out "smoking causes cancer" like I didnt already know that,I just make more of an effort to blow my smoke in their general direction0
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