Parent Support..

kelseybee17

Do any of you have parents that aren’t supportive? How do you deal with it?
I don’t think my parents are supportive to what I want to do.
When I first got the gym membership, my mom was all for us to just get ‘endurance and strength’ but I told her that I wanted more then that. She said, “You know, I looked good at 180 lbs, we are large framed …” I said I wanted to know what that felt like, and that ended the conversation.
Then a few days later, while we were at the grocery store I asked my mom if I could get a loaf of whole wheat bread instead of white. She said no because I didn’t eat enough of it, sorry. It kind of put me down.
So, she keeps on wanting to go out to eat, etc. She and my dad went out to eat tonight, luckily I didn’t have to go. But, still. She’s not even trying.
Then, last night, when my dad picks my best friend up from the gym, I’m telling him how I burned so and so calories from doing 1.2 miles on the treadmill. My dad says, “1.2 miles is that amount of time?! That’s slow!” That put me down a ton too.
I don’t know what to do. I love my parents. But having them not supporting me is hard. I know I need to talk to them about this, but I just don’t start up discussions like that on stuff I really need to talk about when there’s the chance that they could put me down or say no or something. When I try to talk to them, I get really sick in the stomach and nervous.
What did you guys do to deal with this issue?
I want them to know that I want to lose weight, a lot of weight. I want them to know that I want to eat healthy. I want them to help me with this by being supportive.

kdao

I am sorry your parents aren't being very supportive of your efforts. Just keep up the good work, we are here to support you!

MakingAChoice

Sounds to me like your parents are in denial about themselves so the do not understand what you are doing. Saying 'we are large framed' is one of those lies we say to ourselves to justify the weight. Do you have an Aunt or Uncle that would be supportive and back you up in a discussion with your parents?

If you get money from chores and such than buy your own bread. Show them you mean what you say.

I have a daughter your age and she is 5' 10" and 250 lbs. She is an active kid and plays softball on the school team and such. The excess weight really makes her not get noticed by boys though. I wish she would really listen to what I have to say. She will say she watching what she eats (even tracked for a while), but then reaches for the jelly or some other crap food source. It doesn't help that her mom still eats crap too, but she is about the same height/weight as my daughter.

I hope when you sit to talk to them that you can explain it well enough for them to support you. Maybe write it in a letter and just read the letter to them since you get nervous talking to them. Make sure you discuss how you feel about the put downs too and state specific cases. Remember, we are always here to support you and to vent to if you need it. :-)

jacolyncoker123

I buy my own food now because all my mom buys is junk.

My parents constantly accuse of having an eating disorder since I'm not actually overweight. I just want to get it through their heads that JUST BECAUSE I AM AT A HEALTHY WEIGHT DOESN'T MEAN I AM HEALTHY.
All of this weight I am carrying is fat, and it's all around my mid-section. Now, if I was 124 lbs of muscle and trying to lose weight we'd have a problem.

But yeah, I understand the un-supportive parent thing -,-"

OH and they yell at me for counting calories, and then critisize me for eating a scone... wth?

miovlb6

I'm sorry to hear your parents aren't helping you to reach your goal. I'm not trying to make excuses for them, but I'm a parent of a teenager, and as parents, we try, but sometimes we screw things up a bit without realizing. Talk to them about it, as calmly and rationally as possible so they'll know you're serious. And if you aren't ready to do that just yet, use us for support. MFP is full of great people ready to help you on your way however they can. Maybe after you stick with it for a little bit, your parents will see how dedicated you are to losing weight and being more healthy and they'll come around. Good luck!

Skinny_Incognito

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I don't. (My mother once told me that I had no reason to suffer from depression, because Christians should be the happiest people on earth. yeah, that helped!)

Sometimes I think parents don't react well to things that worry them, or that they see as a threat to themselves. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and I'm sure your parents love you, too. But maybe the idea of dieting seems like an insurmountable lifestyle change to them. And maybe, like my mom, and maybe your dad, they really don't put any thought into the things they say.

I think you're going to have to prove to them that you're serious, and you're going to have to pull that wagon by yourself for a while. Hopefully they'll come around. If you're comfortable talking to them about it - then do that. Don't accuse them, or be defensive if they don't understand, and don't be disrespectful - just gently let them know that this means a lot to you and you would appreciate their support and kindness.

But, unless they're still feeding you with a spoon, it really is up to you what you eat. Wheat bread isn't any lower in calories than white bread, so choose your battles. You are still the one to decide how many pieces of either one you're going to eat - one or two. You can order salads when you eat out - and if they insist on buying a burger, you choose how much of it to eat.

So meanwhile - I'd be happy to be your diet mommy if you need one to lean on. I know, no one else is ever as good as the real thing (I miss my mommy terribly, and I'm in my 40s and live 1,000 miles away from her) but I'm here if you need a shoulder. :^> And I know there are a lot of others on this site that are supportive and will give any help they can, too. hang in there, you'll make it!

Skinny_Incognito

oops...

Skinny_Incognito

wow - the computer must have thought my post was really good - it posted it three times! yikes!