Friend Betrayal

Joyjmb

Found an online post (on a social network I do not use, but can see) from this week where a (I thought!) trusted friend just completely trashed me - my character, my social graces, my trustworthiness, my tact - and says all my other friends think it too and are slowly going to drop me one by one. I am shaking and upset, because I consider myself a caring person and people have said I am one of the best friends in the world. I want to call all my friends and say 'Is this true?' I've had several interactions with these friends recently and nothing seems to be wrong with our relationship, so she's probably talking out her butt, but what if they say things behind my back? I've deleted her number from my phone and want to just drop speaking to her altogether. However, two of the things she said are outright LIES and WRONG, but I can't confront her about them without revealing I saw her post. I am seriously freaking out here. Advice???

My3Rayz

And why can't you confront her and let her know you saw her post? If someone defames you like that, you need to deal with it straight on!
Good luck!!

karensoxfan

I'd be very direct about it. I'd print a screen-image of what you saw on a public basis, and ask your friend directly why they wrote the things they did.

Even if you don't use that network, but you saw it, that's what I would do, depending on the nature of the friendship and how you value it. It sounds like a friend you don't really need anyway if they're going to say things like that about you behind your back.

I would not address it with your other friends, unless they commented on it that you can also see.

xXAlana21Xx

why cant she know about how you saw the post? if you asked her what she thought of the friendship and then lies to you, you would be able to catch her in the lie

CameraGirlBond

I'd probably call her out, say that someone linked you to it (if she's going to make you paranoid about your friendships then return the favour). Once it's in the open if anyone is following her down that route then they will.

Or be super nice to her and then take her down.

I'm vengeful though lol.

Sounds like you are better off without her.

mixmastermolly

Someone is always going to talk about you behind your back. I'm sure at some point you can remember talking behind a friends back even though you really care for them and value their friendship. People are opinionated right or wrong. One thing I've learned is to feel whatever emotion you get from something then let it go. You're angry and you should be. Anyone would be angry after reading something like that. So feel angry and then let it go. The only thing you can control is how much control you give the things you can't control. You can't keep her from bad mouthing you but you can control how you react. I like to think that the people who matter in my life won't believe vicious things other people may say behind my back.

ricnrac

I agree. Confront her. She should not have posted that about you unless she is willing to say it to your face. Sorry for your pain.

jessica6335

I'm so sorry My advice: If she put it out there on a social networking site then you need to confront her...besides it is your right to do so! If someone is outright lying about you it isn't acceptable and a person like that is not worthy of being in your life. For your own piece of mind, I'd confront her nicely and then just tell her that since she feels the way she does and has broadcast it to the internet then you are no longer friends! I hope you feel better and realize that people like that only try to bring you down. Keep your head up!!

kountrygrl27

Why cant you reveal that you saw her post? She posted it there for all the world to see.... Confront her about seeing it, or reply to the post in a tactful way and then find yourself a true friend. Dont waste your time with someone like that.

young1726

If you feel like confronting her about it then why does it matter if you saw the post? I say confront her. If she's going to put it out there for the world to see, then she has to expect that you COULD possibly see it.

denisecc

If this was me with a friend, I would confront them and move on. She obviously wasn't a friend at all..What a shame..You take care..

butterflyfaerie

I've had this happen to me before, an ex boyfriend trashed me in an oral report he delivered, and posted up his notes online, calling me fat, and needy, and it was heartbreaking as I thought we ended things on good terms. I confronted him, and he told me he wasn't sorry for what he said, and a few years later, apologised for the whole thing.

The internet is a big wide place - if it was out there in public, there's every reason you could've seen it, so I would confront her about it.

dababers

Joy, listen to me....let it go. To confront her will only make the situation worse. If she is trashing you, she will likely deny it. Either that, or she will say more things to make you feel even worse. If she says everyone else feels the same way, she may just be deluding herself. You will know who your true friends are without making a mess of things. You cannot allow other people to dictate how you feel. If you ask me, if you cut her off completely now, you'll be that much better off. I know how you feel. Friend me if you like.

udallmom101

And why can't you confront her and let her know you saw her post? If someone defames you like that, you need to deal with it straight on!
Good luck!!

I completely agree! She needs to know that her words hurt and to be confronted about this. But you also have to realize that people are going to talk about other people. Just let her know the way she expressed her feelings should have been expressed to you, not to the public. Get it off your chest, then let it go. Anger will only build up and get in the way of progress.

riverkit

The only way you'll know is if you ask. You've already deleted her phone number and don't plan on continuing the friendship. Shouldn't you find out what's going on before you go through with that? Perhaps she has a reason for it, perhaps not. But, you won't know until you face her and ask. And if it is a misunderstanding, is it worth losing a friend over?

Blueeyes1117

I would most definitely talk to her about it and make her aware that you saw what she posted. She posted for all to see how she felt about you now its time for you to make her aware and tell her how you feel. Either way my opionion i would do exactly what you did delete her number and forget i ever knew her thats not any kind of friend. I hope things work out for you!

bonnykate

I'm so sorry to hear that your "friend" is being such a b!tch - WOW, I'm offended and I'm not even involved.

That said, I would recommend not doing a dang thing about it -- if you see that woman again, treat her with courtesy, like you would treat any other person, but keep things formal and uninvolved. Then, with your other friends, just continue being yourself, as you always have. If what the woman posted is true, and you do notice them "dropping" you, then clearly they aren't worth your time anyway (because again WOW what kind of b!tchy move is that *kitten*?!). If what she posted is false, you running around obsessing over it and asking everyone about it will only cause drama.

I know it's hard, but if you can forget about it and go about your business as usual, things WILL work out, I promise.

And while you're at it, looks like your social calendar just opened up for finding a new, FAR MORE AWESOME friend. These things have a way of working out - believe in yourself, be a good person, and don't let the poisonous people of the world get you down.

Sending warm thoughts your way,

Kate

megteg

Firstly - So sorry to hear this happened! It's so disappointing when you get betrayed by the ones you trust.

Secondly - If I were you, I wouldn't react right away, but take the rest of the day to calm down. The last thing you want to do is confront your friends in an anxious state so she gets to confirm later that "OMG she really IS blah blah blah" The unfortunate thing is that there are lot of really fake people out there who pretend to be your friends but really enjoy complaining and pointing out other's faults. She must be a terribly unhappy and not very confident. Obviously if all your friends really felt that way about you they would be behaving differently around you in general, dodging phone calls, etc... I'd say wait it out and use it in your arsenal to keep your ears up on your friends. If the rest of them are true friends of yours, they'll be able to recognize this "friend" is fickle and probably talks that way about EVERYONE.

StephanieCoel

Confront her. You'll feel better. Who care if you saw it on her social page. If she didn't want you to see it she wouldn't have posted it. I would also tactfully confront your other girlfriends. It won't hurt it will only help. Sometimes, peoples true colors are a blurry mess. Don't worry about it. People will like you for you or they don't deserve to have you as a friend!!!! Good luck! Make sure you update!

cbonuz

You should confront her. If you saw it on an online post, obviously it was available to the public so you shouldn't worry how she knows you found out. If you thought she was a trusted friend, then you owe it to your "friendship" to find out the truth. Good luck. give it some prayer thought.

juleslb

Absolutley call her on it!!! I've gone through this so I know a bit of what you're feeling. A "friend" posted a bunch of comments about me being too fat and she's only friends with me because she feels sorry for me on a social network. I was livid!! and hurt but i found for me the best way to deal with it is to confront her on it. World war 3 broke out but in the end i was happy i stood up for myself. Remember the only person who can let someone else make you feel bad about yourself is you! She obviously isn't a real friend so you shouldn't let what she says hurt you....

Good luck!

justann

Ignore it and move on. You don't want to fall into her trap and play her games. Those who are truly your friends will not believe what she said. She doesn't realize it but she is the one who looks a fool for posting the crap to begin with. Leave it alone.

LisaLN

I would honestly wait until she contacts you for something (if she's still treating you like a friend) and then calmly tell her that you're aware of her two-facing and that you really don't want anything to do with people who do that. Not everyone talks behind somebody's back. I'm a very straight-forward person and wouldn't say anything that I wouldn't say straight to that person's face. You definitely have control on how you react (like the other MFP user stated). Just keep your class about you and treat her as somebody you simply don't have time for.

RILEYRED

IF YOU SAW IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES, SHE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME OR EMOTIONS. I'D LET HER GO BEFORE SHE LETS YOU GO, SHE IS NO LOSE, DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND!!

ccadartist

I have recently lost a couple good friends too. Different reasons and a long story, but I know that shaky anxious feeling you're going through. I'm still trying to work things out in my heart and my head with my situation. The best thing I've been doing to help my situation is keep reminding myself that if ANY friends leave your side and aren't loyal then screw 'em! Move on to make new friends that are caring and positive.

Good luck with everything!

dragonbug300

This is an odd thing to post on a forum for a fitness website, but...
People who post that sort of stuff on public networking sites are generally begging for the person they're aimed at to read it (although subconsciously). It was a stupid, selfish thing for her to do and a further violation of your trust to not talk to you first about whatever issues she had with you before broadcasting it to the world.
It would make the most sense to just tell her that you'd seen the post, express that it genuinely hurt your feelings. I would seriously consider not bringing up the lies--if there's anything that will make someone exceedingly reactive, it's calling them a liar. Don't become confrontational--she'll get defensive. Just state the facts and leave before an argument starts.

justnname

You need to nip this in the bud.. Confronting someone is hard to do. Usually, the thoughts of how it will go are worse than what the reality will be. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself.

PegasusDeb

Ahhhh... modern technology. Gotta love it. NOT!
This is why when I have a gripe or beef about someone, I don't post it, but write in my journal. Then shred it! Destroy all evidence after venting & getting it all out! So many things are said in anger or frustration that should not be aired out in public. You should confront this person though, who cares where you heard or seen it from, she should not be slamming you on a public forum. Be tactful though, don't lower yourself to her level. If your friends are true friends they will stand beside you. If they don't they weren't much of friends anyway.

lmvince

You SHOULD confront her. Not in a threatening manner....but simply ask, "Is there something you want to discuss with me?" If she says no, then mention you saw her post.

I would even go as far as bringing it up to my other friends to get their take on the situation. You can look them in the eye, and get a clear response to the issue that texting or social networking can't give you.

nisijam5

Joy, listen to me....let it go. To confront her will only make the situation worse. If she is trashing you, she will likely deny it. Either that, or she will say more things to make you feel even worse. If she says everyone else feels the same way, she may just be deluding herself. You will know who your true friends are without making a mess of things. You cannot allow other people to dictate how you feel. If you ask me, if you cut her off completely now, you'll be that much better off. I know how you feel. Friend me if you like.

How could she deny it? It's on a public forum. People need to be accountable for their behavior

I think that you should always let someone know that you will not be treated that way. People treat you the way you let them. However, I would do it in a classy way and just say that

"I am sorry that "we" are no longer friends. I do not appreciated the back stabbing on a public forum. Only a coward behaves this way and I not going to tolerate that. I am much better off without friends like you."

kt_rubino

I would definately confront her...but not attack her with words...let her dig herself a hole and let her feel how wrong it was to write those things about you. She wrote them on a public site because she wanted SOMEONE to see it, just so happened karma was working against her and her harsh words and you were the one that saw it. I would definately have to say something but dont say it out of anger just confront her as one adult talking to another adult. Luck to you! What ever you decide to do dont let her words get you down...its pretty obvious that she is threatened by you and is trying to make herself feel better by trashing you.