Inspirational? Me?

CaraRadz

I'd originally written this as a blog post, but then I realized I prefer the forums to blogging so I moved it here.

I woke up this morning and weighed in like normal. Down 1.6 pounds for the week. I was hoping for two, but with my wedding tasting two nights ago, I had a feeling I would come up a bit short. I faithfully logged it into MFP like I always do on Saturday morning (today happens to be my 75th day... crazy!), and I commented that this loss put me a touch below the weight I was at my sister's wedding (a major goal of mine). After a trip to the dentist for a routine visit, a stop at my parents' house to pick the wedding invitation envelopes my mom addressed for me (May 28 is coming up fast!), meeting up with my fiance for lunch, and doing a bit of grocery shopping, I returned home and logged back into MFP.

The responses on my posts were truly overwhelming to me. A few people used terms like "inspiration" and "inspirational." About me??? No way. I've always been the fat kid who would lose 15-20 pounds and then gain it all back plus some. I mean, I lost 20 pounds for my sister's wedding and then put on 28 pounds in the six months between the wedding and Christmas. And hell, I'm still about 15-20 pounds overweight. How could I be inspirational to anyone, especially about weight loss??

With all of this running through my head, I finally had to really look at all I've done in the past two and a half months. I have lost 28.4 pounds since December 28, 2010. That is not a small accomplishment; in fact, it's the most of I've ever lost at one time. Why can't I give myself the credit that I rationally know I deserve? I praise my friends for their losses, their under-calorie days, and their awesome workouts, but I can't praise myself. Just the other night I was doing a workout on the CrossRamp that I've done dozens of times since starting MFP, but I was burning so many fewer calories than I usually did. I just couldn't seem to get my heart rate up to the point where I was burning as quickly as I had been. Rather than being thrilled that my heart is obviously getting stronger and I am getting fitter, I was frustrated with myself for not burning as many calories as I thought I should be. I should celebrate such things as non-scale victories, not look at them as failures. This journey is not only about lowering a number on a scale, but it's about leading a healthier life.

It's easy for me to say that I've lost all of this weight because of MFP, but that's just another way for me to place the credit elsewhere. While this site has been an invaluable tool and all of my friends have been a phenomenal support system, I'm the one who has lost this weight. MFP doesn't drive me to the gym and put my butt on a spin bike or a cardio machine six days a week, and MFP doesn't cook me healthy food or make smart eating decisions... that is me. MFP is what got me started on this journey, and my friends are what help keep me going, but ultimately this weight loss has happened because of me and my actions and my dedication.

As much as I rationally understand that I should be proud of myself, I think it will continue to be a process for me to believe everything I've said in this post. As much as weight loss is a physical journey, we all know that it comes with emotional and psychologically baggage as well.

So here's to dedicating ourselves to the process and becoming the best versions of ourselves. I am thankful to all of my MFP friends for their continued support and encouragement. And I am thankful to the whole MFP community for its wealth of information (especially recipes!!).

jllipson

Funny, I was thinking the same thing today - my sister called me all excited because she fit into a 16, down several sizes for her. I got bummed because that means she's smaller than me. But then she reminded me that I'm down more than her on weight. My reply is yeah, but wish I was down more sizes too. Her reply - have you tried them on, my response, no, because I don't have any... her postiveness - go somewhere and try some on. She has been my inspiration all along - and I found out today - I'm her inspiration too - along with both of our husbands!

We are obviously all inspiring one another within our circle - and it took me almost 9 weeks to realize - we aren't competing with one another, we are inspiring one another to do this and to keep going - to face these struggles together!