Ugh..what would have been the right thing to do or say( dd m

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kimber607
kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi

Today I took the kids to a pizza place for lunch (I skipped the pizza)
Anyway, we sat at a booth next to the drinks and a woman was standing there trying to figure out what to pick
The woman was very large....I honestly didn't even notice her until...
My dd, who just turned 3..turned around and said LOUDLY and as clear as a bell...."BIG LADY...MOMMY THAT IS A BIG LADY"
In a very innocent matter of fact way..she is 3yrs old
It felt like time stood still as she repeated herself over and over
I told dd nicely to turn around and sit down and eat, but the lady looked at me straight in the eyes... I just turned away
I felt/feel terrible...what would have been the right thing to do??
Is there a right thing when a child makes a not so nice comment about someone else?

Kim

Replies

  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Hi

    Today I took the kids to a pizza place for lunch (I skipped the pizza)
    Anyway, we sat at a booth next to the drinks and a woman was standing there trying to figure out what to pick
    The woman was very large....I honestly didn't even notice her until...
    My dd, who just turned 3..turned around and said LOUDLY and as clear as a bell...."BIG LADY...MOMMY THAT IS A BIG LADY"
    In a very innocent matter of fact way..she is 3yrs old
    It felt like time stood still as she repeated herself over and over
    I told dd nicely to turn around and sit down and eat, but the lady looked at me straight in the eyes... I just turned away
    I felt/feel terrible...what would have been the right thing to do??
    Is there a right thing when a child makes a not so nice comment about someone else?

    Kim
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    You can't hold that against your 3 y/o. All you can tell her is that it wasn't a nice thing to say. She really doesn't understand. You did the right thing to just have her focus on eating her food. I wouldn't know what to say or do either.
  • ladywalkalot
    ladywalkalot Posts: 230 Member
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    I have 3 children under 7 and have been in the same situation. The lady is fully aware of her size as well as the innocent age of your child....it was obvious she (your 3yr old) wasn't 8 and new better. I have used it as a teaching method.....speak clearly and loudly to your child so that the offended adult hears you....."honey, everyone is different sizes...mommy is bigger than you, your bigger than Jane, etc...no reason to make a big deal ok sweetie

    don't beat yourself up!
  • klikittyklak
    klikittyklak Posts: 144
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    Um, if she is taller, maybe say, 'yes, she is very tall' or something? I'm not sure. Poor woman.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Thanks everyone

    I just wanted to clarify that I know my 3yr old didn't mean any harm and I wasn't upset with her in anyway....
    This is the first time something like this has happened...
    I just wasn't sure the right thing to do or say at that moment
    I really felt like the woman stared at me for longer than normal (eye contact) should I have said 'sorry'
    I felt terrible

    Kim
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    You could have said a lot of things... I don't know. But the shock of it just left you speechless..
    Sweetie, it's ok. My girls have said and done embarrassing things.

    Please don't beat yourself about this.:ohwell:
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Yes, I agree....don't sweat it! These things happen and it WILL happen again, I assure you!! Maybe not THAT comment...but another comment. They just don't know about what to say or not to say yet. Don't worry girl!! :wink:
  • MFS27
    MFS27 Posts: 549 Member
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    You did the right thing. I would have done the same - distracted my child, and later (at home or in the car) explain how sometimes people's feelings are hurt when you talk about how they look, etc. I've done the same thing when my kids pointing at people, or staring at people in wheelchairs. I just nudge them along, and explain (out of earshot) why that behavior is unpolite.

    Motherhood requires us to navigate through TONS of embarassing situations - I think I've developed a embarassment meter based on the shade of red I turn :laugh:

    Just remember you aren't the only one, most certainly not the first one to go through these kinds of things. *hugs* :flowerforyou:
  • kerrilucko
    kerrilucko Posts: 3,852 Member
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    The thing is, even if you had apologized profusely to the woman, nothing would make her feel better. I've been bigger all my life and I have had kids make some pretty rude comments to me. I know kids are kids (i'm talking under age 5 here, and they don't really have empathy yet. They don't understand that it hurts the other person. BUT I was still offended when things were said to me, and I'm sure this lady was too. You can only do what you did. Kids make observations about their surroundings all the time, its their nature. I think you handled it nicely in that you didn't make it into a bigger deal than it was. That said, I'm sure she was hurt and/or offended but that's life. She's a large woman..... she can either live with it or change it. Don't worry about it.:flowerforyou:
  • Quenofcrazzy
    Quenofcrazzy Posts: 358
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    How embarrassing for you. Sorry..

    Kids are literal. They say what they think and feel. That filter between their brain and mouth isn't installed till a little later in life.

    I have a daycare..so I go on outings with kids w/o filters often. Yea..everyone knows me.
    I would have just said something yes that woman is big and you are small. Everyone is eating their lunch now so why don't you sit down and eat your pizza.

    Don't beat yourself up over it. If thats the worse thing she ever says in public..count your blessings!!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    I'm so glad you posted this! I need to prepare. My dd turns 3 next month and is starting to do the same as your dd. While at the grocery store, she noticed our male cashiers eerily long finger nails, and said, "Mama, he got FINGERRAILS!" over and over again. I kept saying, "Yes honey, we all have fingernails," hoping she'd shut her trap, LOL.
  • icupfunny2000
    icupfunny2000 Posts: 470 Member
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    it reminds me of my son .... We were taking the city bus and there was a lady sitting across from us and he yelled in the loudest voice "HEY MOM I DIDNT KNOW GIRLS COULD HAVE MUSTACHES!!!" I just about died with embarassment :noway: the lady was clearly very pissed off that he said that..... but i explained that we dont say things about people cause sometimes it might hurt their feelings.... he didnt get it cause about a week later we got on a different bus and the busdriver was wearing a turbin and he yells"HEY LOOK MOM OUR BUS DRIVER IS A GEENIE!!!" THE BUS DRIVER CHUCKLED AND I APPOLOGISED FOR HIM LOL THANK GOD HE EVENTUALLY GREW OUT OF THAT STAGE OF POINTING OUT PEOPLE WHO WERE DIFFERENT THAN HIM ...

    oops i typed most of that in caps lock sorry but im not retyping it lol....


    Jackie

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