When people say "You don't need to lose that much."

jesshasredhair

I am 5'5" and currently weight 171. My current estimated goal is 140. It's not insane. It's still on the high range for the dreaded Healthy BMI. And yet, I'm amazed how people will say "No way! You're going to be emaciated. That's too much!"

Ok, it's true that I tend to run muscular and maybe I carry my weight reasonably well, but it's MY goal and I want to hit it. And really, i'ts not like I'm saying I want to weight 110, which probably would be ridiculous.

Is it people's way of complimenting? or subtly derailing?

One one hand it feels good that they're surprised I weigh as much as I do, but on the other hand, it makes me question my goals just a tad.

A couple times in my life I have been 150 and I was a solid size 8 (for like a day, before I started eating my way back up, lol).

I looked good and felt pretty good, but I want more.
Why DON'T I deserve to be a size 6? Does it really just have to be for other girls? This time I want to go beyond what might be "comfortable" and see what it's like. Only THEN can we decide if it really is "too much."

Go BIG (by going small) or go home, right?!

mlb929

I get "you really still weigh that much". I'm right in the middle on the healthy BMI and about 27% body fat. I could lose 12 more lbs and still be in the healthy range, I'm a size 0 but I don't look "small" because I'm not. I'm 5'4" and 130. But I'm muscular. So when people ask my weight, they are amazed at "how big" I am. I'm learning that weight and BMI really mean very little.

elvb

I feel the SAME WAY! I was super excited recently because I am no longer classified as "obese" according to the stupid BMI but that I'm happy to be just "overweight". My aunt, who recently saw me after losing 35 lbs, saw my post on FB and made the comment, "according to who are you considered overweight? You look great. You shouldn't lose more!"
I explained to her that I'm 5' short. I'm SUPPOSED to be 128 or lower. I'm actually striving for the lower part of "overweight"! lol
I'm pretty sure she was trying to compliment me but still. I dislike having to defend my actions!

NightOwl1

140 for someone who is 5'5 certainly sounds reasonable to me. If you run muscular, I would say to track your body fat percentage while you lose. If you hit a really good body fat percentage and still aren't at your goal, that might mean that you are at the weight you are supposed to be. I'm sure there are a lot of girls who would kill to have your muscle, so the grass can always be greener on the other side. Try for 140, but don't be afraid to revise it if it looks like those final pounds would be muscle loss, not fat loss.

kvr414

My start weight was pushing 190 (at 5'9) and I wanted to lose 47 lbs. people said the same thing to me all the time but now that I've lost 37 people tell me i look good, and just like i you i FEEL good. I have 10 more lbs to go, and i definitely have 10 more to lose. more power to ya. :drinker:

kylakesgal

I can relate with you. I am 5'4" tall and currently 162 lbs. I started on here a month ago weighing in at 169.4. I am big boned and at 140 lbs, I am a size 6. Right now I'm a size 10. I have had several people (family and co-workers) make the statement, "why do you want to lose weight"? or tell me that I don't need to. Well I'm pretty sure I know what I need and I DO need to lose. Wonder if it's a jealousy thing or what? Some people can't give you a compliment. They would rather knock you down! That is why I love this site because people can relate with you and know what you are going through. Good luck to you on your quest to get fit and healthy.

sparklesammy

Yes...

I am so sick of people telling me I have lost too much weight and shouldnt lose anymore.

I weigh 179 and im 5'10. This still makes me overweight. (I do look healthy i think, and its nice that they obv think so, but im finding it really har to stay on track and having people constantly telling me not to bother is sooooo bad for me right now!! )

nkster781

You gotta have your OWN goals. Sometimes people get jealous and don't want you to lose more weight. As long as you are being healthy and doing it the right way, you go for your goal!

Muscle weighs more than fat. Have you ever had your body fat % measured? That will give you a good idea.

jesshasredhair

Yes...

I am so sick of people telling me I have lost too much weight and shouldnt lose anymore.

I weigh 179 and im 5'10. This still makes me overweight. (I do look healthy i think, and its nice that they obv think so, but im finding it really har to stay on track and having people constantly telling me not to bother is sooooo bad for me right now!! )

Holy crap! You have lost a LOT of weight and look great. Great job!

SarahRuth♥

I get this A LOT!

When I gain weight, I gain everywhere. I'm not one of those people who carries all of her weight in her tummy, or hips, or butt... it spreads out nicely on me. LOL. So even when I weighed 220 people were surprised I was anywhere near that. Not that I looked skinny, but I didn't look like I was over 200 lbs. At one point I lost 55 lbs and even my shoe size changed!

I'm 5'7", and I would like to get to 140-145. That would put me nicely into the "normal" range on the stupid BMI charts. I would be happy with a strong, toned 145-150, though. I don't think it's unreasonable. In high school I was 130, and I was a size 6 and weak. But when I tell people that I need to lose another 40 lbs their jaws about drop, and I get a whole lot of "you can't lose that much! You'll disappear!" type of comments.

I won't disappear at 140 lbs...

jesshasredhair

You gotta have you OWN goals. Sometimes people get jealous and don't want you to lose more weight. As long as you are being healthy and doing the right way, you go for your goal.

Muscle weighs more than fat. Have you ever had your body fat % measured? That will give you a good idea.

I think you guys are right that I should probably get my BF tested as a measurement tool like, right away

HelenTheKitchen

You sound like a smart girl, if you're close to 140 and realize that you are "emaciated" I'm sure you'll stop losing weight at the point. I'm highly skeptical of that happening though.

I'm in your same boat. I'm aiming for the highest end of a "healthy BMI" for my height, and people look at me now and think I'm nuts for wanting to lose more because I'm broad and unfortunately naturally wide set. But if I wake up one morning and can stick a finger in between my ribs I'll stop. I'm 5'6" and a size 10, and for once in my life I want to be a size 8. Not a double-0, an 8.

I would love to get in one of those pools that measures my body fat percentage though, just to see if I have one of those bizarre bodies that doesn't really work on the BMI scale.

BeastieGirl

Hi,
I agree with NightOwl1, it's more about body fat than what you weigh. I'm 5' 2" and currently 66.8kg, which is a UK size 12. I look 0k, but I'm still carrying too much body fat. I don't care what I weigh, I train regularly with weights and I box, so I'm more muscular than skinny, but I want to get my body weight/ muscle mass balanced.

The other thing, and I know it's not PC to say this, is that as soon as you start to lose weight and look good, people will be queing up to knock you down and say you're losing too much weight. I'm not for a moment suggesting you lose an irresponsible amount of weight, but do what feels right for you and bear in mind your true friends and supporters will compliment you, not try to make you feel bad because you're doing something they are not prepared to do.

Good luck!

madamelaporte

aaarrrrgggghhhh drives me nuts when people say this to me! I get it from everyone and like you I dont know how to take it! I feel good that they think i look good as I am but then I wonder are they just saying it to make me feel good about myself?!?!?!

Either way I am still determined to get to my goal/ Im 5ft 6 and currently 138 and want to get to 126 - I have been close to it before for my wedding and remember how good I felt but was still a little unhappy with my thighs - noticing a change in these already with all the working out Im doing - so I will weigh 126 at some point - when?? I dont know Im not in a major rush its just my final goal

Good luck to you in losing your weight and reaching YOUR goal!!

JodiLouLou

Yes...

I am so sick of people telling me I have lost too much weight and shouldnt lose anymore.

I weigh 179 and im 5'10. This still makes me overweight. (I do look healthy i think, and its nice that they obv think so, but im finding it really har to stay on track and having people constantly telling me not to bother is sooooo bad for me right now!! )

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, GREAT JOB! You are an ispiration!

miriamtorason

I suspect it's derailing, but not meant to be maliciously so.

Most people, when they think of weight loss, think of dieting. They will naturally assume that you eat one egg white for breakfast, a small garden salad for lunch, and a small chicken caesar salad (with low fat dressing, no croutons, and certainly no cheese) for dinner. You eat this every day. You work out in the gym for several hours. You have no snacks, you have no treats, and you certainly do not ever deviate from this plan. If they see you eating elsewise, they will assume it's your "cheat" day.

These well-meaning folks are telling you that you look great. You shouldn't have to barely exist on your "diet" anymore. You look fabulous, so there's no reason not to live a little - spend some time outside the gym, go out for drinks with the girls, have some fun.

They're missing the part where calories in<calories out does not preclude you from any of these things, and that this is a lifestyle change, and not a short-term deal meant to make you as thin as possible as fast as possible. So they mean well, but are coming from a position of not understanding what you're doing, so the advice kind of sucks. o.o;;

Also, using BMI as a gage for what size a person "should" be is kind of odd. I know that's about all we have to go on anymore, but there are a lot - a LOT - of "obese" people who are wearing size 8s, and a lot of "normal" people whose ribcage is clearly outlined. BMI is scary at best. Go for what suits you, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise - be it well-meaning relatives or the silly BMI scale.

sparklesammy

Aww, thanks for the compliments there, i feel like i came over a bit diva now (oh im just so sick of this bla bla!) sorry.

And yeah, i think the fact that i have lost so much is part of the reason my nearest and dearest think im getting too thin. Its cos they knew me when i weighed like a whole person more. Where as if they had just seen me walking down the street for the first time ever they would not see a thin girl...

jesshasredhair

I think that's a major part of it -- people just aren't USED to it. They put you in the "fat girl" box so when you become a "thin girl", it confuses them

Black_Swan

I also think about how people are used to seeing you... I dont think they can visualize you any different. Youll show them!

rileysowner

Been there. Received that, just today in fact. I am still in the overweight category for my BMI, and my body fat % is in the 23% area. I know I have a lot of fat to lose, but people keep telling me I have lost enough. As a 5'10" male with a small frame, 165 is a good weight goal in my opinion.

I think a few things feed into this:

1) They are used to seeing me much fatter than I am now, and they remember that 255 pound me. Compared to that, I do look much better. They just need time to get used to the smaller me.

2) They are used to seeing fat people, thus when you are less fat than most everyone else, they consider you skinny.

3) They see me in clothes, and don't see the fat that easily because it is camouflaged by my clothing. This is especially true in that most of my cloths are too big for me now, even my "skinny" clothes that I held on to.

4) I think this is the minority, but I think some people who know they could stand to lose a few (sometime many) pounds feel intimidated by my success in weight loss, and a feeling guilty that they have not done anything.

As for me, I have not only weight loss by health goals of getting off the various medications I was put on because of letting my body get as big and unhealthy as it did. I don't know if I can reach all those goals, but part of that is getting rid of the fat I most certainly don't need. No one is going to stop that. If I was a 15% body fat or less I would take their comments much more seriously, but not at 23%.

merzback

I was told that too- at 179lbs and 5'6. Sadly I am into the 200's now- but I think either people are giving you a compliment in their own way, or they are trying to sabotage you. Either way, stick with your guns. Tell people that you appreciate their support, but you, and only you, know what's best for your body.
I also think that sometimes people get triggered when people smaller than them are being healthy. I was told at 179lbs that I was SKINNY- lol- I was still overweight and nearly obese by the charts- though I don't always give credibility to the charts.
Really-your weight and goals are YOUR BUSINESS only- and while I'm not advocating being rude, just be firm and direct.

bjshooter

I am exactly the same, I am 5ft 5 and currently weigh 153, I would like to lose another 30lb and people seem gob smacked when I tell them this, It would put me just about right BMI wise and if I start to look too thin before obviously I would reconsider. I think may people dont really know what sort of weight is what and what makes a difference.

HelenTheKitchen

I think that's a major part of it -- people just aren't USED to it. They put you in the "fat girl" box so when you become a "thin girl", it confuses them

YESSS!

Sugar_Apple

I'm also 5'5" and my goal is also 140...but I get the opposite people tell me I should aim for 123-130lbs....
Dont listen to anyone else...Do You!!!!...when you get to 140 then you and only you will decide if its for you...:flowerforyou:

by the way as a teen I was120lbs and still didnt fit into a size 6 blame the booty LOL

khrys1

I'm getting some of those comments, too, but try to take it as a compliment, since these people have seen me lose 30 pounds already and how I look SO different.... They've still got the "old me" in their heads. Oh, and also, they don't see me without my clothes on! ;o)

SarahRuth♥

I think that's a major part of it -- people just aren't USED to it. They put you in the "fat girl" box so when you become a "thin girl", it confuses them

My daughter just pointed out that at least she has far more space in her box now.

bjshooter

I'm getting some of those comments, too, but try to take it as a compliment, since these people have seen me lose 30 pounds already and how I look SO different.... They've still got the "old me" in their heads. Oh, and also, they don't see me without my clothes on! ;o)

Haha, I think you hit the nail on the head. Its a clothes thing, I look alright now IN CLOTHES. When the clothes are off though, crikey, I need some work lol

DaddyMantz

While I was losing weight at 10 lbs per month, I had a lot of people tell me I was "too skinny" "going to waste away to nothing", "haven't you lost enough?", etc... These people had one thing in common. They were ALL uncomfortable with their own body image or fitness level.

My doctor thinks I am doing great and so do i and all the supportive people in my life.

sacchariine

BLOCK IT OUT BLOCK IT OUT! LOL!

Don't give up until YOU'RE happy with your weight. At the end of the day it's you looking in the mirror back at yourself. Those are the same people that allow you to gain 20 pounds and say "No, you haven't gained weight, shut up, you look fine!" That's how I got this way, I got too comfortable with my friends. The scale and the image you have are the real deciding factors.

jesshasredhair

Great support, all! Thanks.
This is why MFP is quickly becoming my new bf