My fiance's sister pokes more than fun at my fat

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  • miriamtorason
    miriamtorason Posts: 208 Member
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    I'm going to say ignore her for now. If this continues or escalates, tell your fiance he needs to talk to his sister. At this point, they are his family, not yours, and unless you want the wrath of your MIL coming down on you, I suggest you let him deal with it. Of course, I'm not above the passive-aggressive photo-gift either, but really, she's trying to knock you down so she feels better. If it doesn't stop, it will be time for your guy to jump in and tell her either it stops, or y'all will not be seeing her any more. You wouldn't put up with this from a 'friend,' so why here?
  • bparsont
    bparsont Posts: 50
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    She seems to have a problem. Who's calling the kettle black? I would try and stay away from her. IMHO i would just tell her that if she has nothing nice to say to you then say nothing at all. Don't worry about the family, they are not in control of your destiny or your life. This is your life and you have full control of circumstances and what you attract into it. Keep up the good work and ignore everyone else, except US!! :wink:
  • qtpiesmom
    qtpiesmom Posts: 394 Member
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    Be honest, sometimes people dont think their words are hurtful. Some people are not happy with themselves and misery loves company and since you are making positive changes with yourself.

    When she makes comments just stand up for yourself, say things like Yep I jiggle but soon I wont, if your making a good choice for food and she comments say well Im on the right track with my new lifestyle. If it continues and it bothers you then tell her, not in a rude way just that your making positive changes in your life and her negative comments hurt and you find them offensive.

    Stay positive within yourself, dont let others derail you in anyway. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF not the power of someone else
  • sophiajackson99
    sophiajackson99 Posts: 90
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    Most people seem to be saying to just ignore her, but my experience is that people like that don't go away. They take your silence to be acceptance of their comments and grow bolder with time.

    I often find it helpful to ask a direct question that makes them have to answer for what they are doing. Something like, "Why do you feel the need to point out what I'm eating? Or how my belly moves?" Or sometimes it helps to just agree with them. Accept what they're saying, such as " Why yes, I am ordering the low-cal meal! What are you getting?" Or "Yes my belly sure is moving around isn't it?" smile.

    People do project when they're not quite ready to look at their own issues. It's annoying, but it's also an opportunity to invite them to do so. Good luck!
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    I'm not as nice as most of the other ppl responding lol... someone fatter than me wants to insult me dont be suprised when I shoot right back... then again... I'm childish LOL
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
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    Try taking the high road - kill her with kindness and give her compliments that she must be fishing for. You catch more bees with honey than vinegar (or something like that). If that doesn't work, I'd expect a heart to heart talk is in order - tell her how her words and actions make your feel. Nothing like honesty to clear the air.
  • Coco_Puff
    Coco_Puff Posts: 823 Member
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    I think she may have some issues with you taking away her brother. For some reason some sisters think no girl can replace them when it comes to their brother. I know of someone that said even though her brother was getting married, if she and her sister-in-laws were drowning, her brother would save her before their wives? Really? Hope she never has to find out. Ignore her, she is very insecure and being the best you can be is the best revenge!!!!!! And if she happens to be thin, treat her like the Skinny B that she is!!!!
  • DaddyMantz
    DaddyMantz Posts: 145 Member
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    I think you should spend more time with people who support you and achieve what you want to achieve. Less time with people who try to drag you down. I am sorry if it sounds harsh but it's hard to pull yourself out of the pit when the people who want to be there are trying to pull you back down.
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
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    You can tell her how much her picking bothers you but she won't care. It sounds limmke jealousy and she comes around to pick on you to make herself feel better. I have experienced this personally.
    How did I deal with it? I avoided her. Expressed to my fiance that I'm no longer "dinner dating". When she calls I say "hi how are you.I'm busy right now ttyl." In short I treated her with kindness but leave her be. It worked for me. Hope it works for you.
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
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    I think she may have some issues with you taking away her brother. For some reason some sisters think no girl can replace them when it comes to their brother.

    I agree!!! I think that's what my soon-to-be sister inlaw thinks. Why do women show out like that? Good grief!
  • Tyva
    Tyva Posts: 34
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    To be honest - my advice is normally pay back - I would take a picture next to this lady then give her it in a big fancy frame for a present then every time you see it say - ' wow since then iv lost ... lbs '

    I like that!
  • emilyrosedye
    emilyrosedye Posts: 66
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    I'd ignore her childish comments and just revel in the fact that you are on the way to loving your body again when deep down it sounds like she hates hers and wants to bring others down to her low self esteem.
  • heathery55
    heathery55 Posts: 2
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    UPDATE:

    Thank you all for your amazing comments they helped me tremendously, especially last night.

    We had the family over for dinner and I had served a very large mixed green salad and beef stew with gnocchi. I did the math for the recipe ahead of time and served myself accordingly in a pre-measured separate bowl and plate.

    In the back of my head I kept telling myself, kill her with kindness, take the higher road.

    I am trying to eat slowly and chew every bite with purpose so that I don't inhale my meal in less than 5 minutes and of course this caused her to say that I ate like a cow, then I looked like a cow and finally that I was a cow. Dinner was unpleasant and what made it worse was my fiance did not say anything.

    I did not confront her or even addressed her comments because I plan on having a one-on-one with her without anyone else around. But I did recognize what everyone was talking about, she only started making fun of me after got her second serving and I was still working on my salad. During dessert I opted out because I had a piece of cake earlier but she cut herself a huge portion. She tried to tease me about how good it was and then when I wouldn't falter she said that she knew when everyone was gone I was going to eat the entire cake by myself.

    I think you guys were right on point. She is upset, but maybe not with me. It made it easier to tolerate, but still difficult. I hope that when we do have our conversation she will be open to joining me. Until then, wish me luck and thanks again! If it wasn't for the advice I would have thought she just hated me.
  • shakemybooty
    shakemybooty Posts: 681 Member
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    Good for you!:flowerforyou:
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    Just dont let it get to you....who knows what going on in her head to make her act like that.Just ignore it.
    Or you could do what I would do and tell her to F off
    but thats just me
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
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    i'm impressed that you didn't say anything to her after those comments, if she had said that to me i'd have been adding boxing to my exercise diary! i'm not so impressed with your other half for not defending you, i know people don't like to create a scene but there are lines and i think she crossed it. i hope you get the opportunity to speak to her soon as this needs to be nipped in the bud.

    if i allowed my catty side out this would be my plan. when you next have an item of clothing thats too big for you (lets face it it's going to happen you are doing great) ask her if she'd like it as its now too big for you

    feel free to add me if you want to
  • Zaggytiddies
    Zaggytiddies Posts: 326 Member
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    Punch her.


    Haha I'm kidding... Sort of. :shifty eyes:

    I basically agree with what everyone else said but use that as motivation!! If you keep working hard the weight is going to come off and isn't she gonna look like the cow in a few months when you're many many pounds lighter and she's still an angry, jealous cow. Also punch your fiancé for letting anyone talk to you that way. Good luck!
  • emilyrosedye
    emilyrosedye Posts: 66
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    Thanks for updating us on what happened. After hearing about how she behaved during dinner it definitely sounds like she is uber jealous of your progress and wants to bring you down to her level. If it were me I dont think I could have had your self control, I probably would have said something like "Enjoy inhaling your second helping, I'm just enjoying my first" or "Actually I was going to box the cake up for you to take home since you ate that one with such gusto"
    Also not impressed that your fiance didnt stick up for you or tell her to shut her mouth. I know its not him saying the mean things but he's not putting a stop to it or being sensitive to how you are feeling which is somehow just as bad. Have you spoken to him at all about is sisters behaviour and told him you are unhappy with the way she speaks to you? I hope to hear she has had an attitude adjustment next time you encounter her.
  • LainMac
    LainMac Posts: 412 Member
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    If future hubby can't/won't say to the sister, "Sis, enough already, shaddup! I'm proud of my gal'. " I think you're in for a rough marriage. When I was first dating my now husband, his sister thought I would be another punching bag for her. I wouldn't put up with it and my husband, then boyfriend, backed me up 100 percent.

    Yes, your future sister in law is a mean butt head. But your future hubby needs to be on your side and it seems that he isn't. Please think about that.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    She wants you to fail because she's jealous! Next time she comments say "Yeah, it's jiggling but not for long." Or " Yes, I ordered the grilled chicken. I want to get healthy so what's your point?" You probably have way more patience than I do. I would've told the beotch to eff off by now. lol.

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