Dealing with a partner

muntim

Hey all, I just joined recently and thought I would throw an issue out there to see what you all think.

Admittedly I am a small guy (5'8" and ~145lb) but I would like to tone up a bit and get rid of the pesky bit of back fat I have. So while my goals are small they are still important to me and I seem to have run into a bit of resistance from an unexpected party - my partner.

I've done quite well with altering my diet throughout the day and consuming less calories and more water. And together we've made an effort to put together recipes that are low fat and satisfying. The problem comes up at around 9pm when we're both settling down to watch a little TV before bed. Typically he'll suggest snacks like McDonald's nuggets, nachos, potato chips, or chicken and fries from a local (and greasy) restaurant. I don't mind occasionally indulging in snacks like these, but I do try to limit it to once every 2-3 weeks. However, when I express my concerns he responds saying that I'm uptight and obsessive about weight and that I should just enjoy.

The problem is further compounded around the times when I try to get to the pool to swim. We are both busy individuals (He's in medical school, while I work with family services and studying for the MCAT), so our free time throughout the day is limited, and school/work can sometimes spill over into our evenings. This and a lousy pool schedule have made the early swim the best option for me. However, when I cite my wanting to swim in the morning as a reason to not stay up late or eat anything too heavy before bed I'm again faced with the label of being uptight and putting more emphasis on exercise than having fun. The frustrating part is that he is training for a marathon and goes out running in the night at around 11pm, just as I'm going to sleep. And I've yet to pull a You-care-more-about-running-than-me card. In fact, I support his decision to run in the marathon, and encourage him to try and run more as a way of training and decompressing from the day.

My question is how do I best confront this situation? Has anyone else run into a similar problem? How did you handle it?

Thanks!

muntim

Hey all, I just joined recently and thought I would throw an issue out there to see what you all think.

Admittedly I am a small guy (5'8" and ~145lb) but I would like to tone up a bit and get rid of the pesky bit of back fat I have. So while my goals are small they are still important to me and I seem to have run into a bit of resistance from an unexpected party - my partner.

I've done quite well with altering my diet throughout the day and consuming less calories and more water. And together we've made an effort to put together recipes that are low fat and satisfying. The problem comes up at around 9pm when we're both settling down to watch a little TV before bed. Typically he'll suggest snacks like McDonald's nuggets, nachos, potato chips, or chicken and fries from a local (and greasy) restaurant. I don't mind occasionally indulging in snacks like these, but I do try to limit it to once every 2-3 weeks. However, when I express my concerns he responds saying that I'm uptight and obsessive about weight and that I should just enjoy.

The problem is further compounded around the times when I try to get to the pool to swim. We are both busy individuals (He's in medical school, while I work with family services and studying for the MCAT), so our free time throughout the day is limited, and school/work can sometimes spill over into our evenings. This and a lousy pool schedule have made the early swim the best option for me. However, when I cite my wanting to swim in the morning as a reason to not stay up late or eat anything too heavy before bed I'm again faced with the label of being uptight and putting more emphasis on exercise than having fun. The frustrating part is that he is training for a marathon and goes out running in the night at around 11pm, just as I'm going to sleep. And I've yet to pull a You-care-more-about-running-than-me card. In fact, I support his decision to run in the marathon, and encourage him to try and run more as a way of training and decompressing from the day.

My question is how do I best confront this situation? Has anyone else run into a similar problem? How did you handle it?

Thanks!

shashod

Sorry your partner isn't being supportive, it's hard enough to lose weight without those closest to us trying to sabbotage our efforts.

Will he not eat the late night snack unless you share it with him? I know it can be hard to resist when someone is snacking beside you but could he have his snack while you abstain or maybe eat a smaller portion of the snack ?

I'm not sure how snacking at night makes a person more fun. Maybe you should talk to your partner and explain that you need his support?

:flowerforyou:

SherryRH

Maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him and tell him that his words are having a negative effect on you. Tell him you need to try and do this your way to see if it will work and that due to your hectic schedules sometimes you won't be able stay up late and have snacks because you want to go swimming in the morning. Just as he finds it enjoyable to run at 11:00 pm or only has the time to run at 11:00 pm whichever the case may be, you would prefer to go swimming in the morning due to your schedule and the pool's schedule. Tell him that you are not being uptight or obsessive and that you are trying to find what works for you. If he cares about you, he should take that into consideration.

iluvsparkles

hugs. Resistance of any kind is so frustrating, but stand strong and be who you are, eventually he'll come around, i hope. Everyone can rationalize anything, so instead of letting him rationalize why you should go have the grease, try your hardest to rationalize to him what you feel about the situation. Alot easier said than done, i know.
Good luck!

PrincessLaundry

It is hard when someone isn't jumping in and following your new healthy life style. With my family I just changed up a few things. I started controlling my portions and that of my kids more, I now plan family activities, and I make sure going out to eat is a treat, not the norm. At first if my husband wants a munchie I just said no thank you. If they did want to go out to eat, I made healthier choices for me and my kiddos. Once they realized what I was doing, they just started asking, "Hey so how much is a serving of this? How much does this weigh? Is this a healthy food?"

So my idea would be, to slow down a bit. Just say no thank you, and others will follow your new way. Good luck on your journey!

alf1163

I completely understand what you are going through. My husband is not 100% supportive and this has made it harder for me to reach my goal. Yes, I blame myself for not putting my foot down and not listening to him but it is very hard to do when you want to please your loved one. I have caught him rolling his eyes when I talk about certain foods or calorie content, this site, etc...I think he also feels insecure because I have lost some weight and I am getting more attention :laugh: :laugh: The funny thing is that just yesterday he said that he was interested in looking at this site and eat the way I am eating :noway: :noway: I really did not say much to that but I was surprised by his comment...
Try to sit down and talk to your partner and come up with a compromise that will make each of you comfortable...if you support him training for his marathon why cant he support you in your weight loss goals no matter how small they are...:flowerforyou: