Trying to get back on track, need some support!!

meggiemaye

Arrgh! I'm so afraid that this will sound like whining, but please bear with me for just a little while.

In December my little sister died. I went all recluse, had my medications changed, closed my Facebook account, spent the holidays with my family, and threw myself into healthy eating and exercise over winter break. It really didn't work. Somehow I wound up gaining 7 pounds a week doing everything right: organic vegetarian, exercise, water, vitamins.

When I got back from break, I restored my FB account, went back to school, basically resumed life. I wound up being asked to leave my job (basically being laid off) because they didn't think I could handle the stress. Went to school for two months but couldn't handle it--wound up withdrawing during my senior year of college. During that time I started binge eating, and one or two not-logged meals turned into a horrible shame and me completely signing off the site.

Now I'm "taking a break" and I've spiraled down into something HORRIBLE! I eat tons of junk food, cry all the time, and barely get out of bed. I think back to last summer when I was a happy, healthy 135 pounds, size 8, to now, when I'm a 221 pound, size sweatpants, and I just don't see the same person.

I'm always hungry and I'm never happy! I hardly have the energy to shower. Today is the first time I've had the courage to step on the scale in two months. I feel like my life is falling down around my ears, and I don't know how I'm going to start picking it back up.

I know that I'm suffering through depression, and I'm being treated for that separately (I really think the medicines make your appetite issues worse) but what I really need from you guys is advice on how to focus on becoming physically healthier. For some reason I feel like my overeating and insecurities are linked with the Internet and Facebook use. Seeing all my friends functional makes it easier for me to just think horrible things about myself.

I was once such an active, positive member of this community, but I wound up gaining 17 pounds and falling off the wagon. How do I pick it back up again?

Thanks you guys!

dababers

I am so sorry for your loss. You must begin to focus on the good things in your life. You have family and friends. You need to confide in them and seek their support. There is hope. Do not give up. It can hurt and be embarrassing when you fall off the wagon. But, now is the time to get back up. You have a lot to live for. Be honest with yourself in regards to what you eat and how much exercise you are really doing. You must take this one day at a time. Yes, it's unfortunate that things have spiraled out of control. But to be honest, no one can get things back on track other than you. It's time to take personal responsibility for your health and well-being. Think of how your family will feel if you allow this spiral continue and it sends you to an early grave.

Having survived prolonged trauma myself, I know what a toll it takes. You have the power to decide how your day will go. Take advantage of some counseling so that you can work through your issues and identify those triggers that cause you to eat emotionally. Take a shower, get dressed, go outside for a walk. Get some sunshine. It will improve your disposition.

Add me if you like. I'd be happy to encourage you further. But, only you can take action.

rmhand

I'm so sorry for your loss and I completely understand how you things can spiral down that far. While my issues were much smaller than yours after I broke up with my BF of 6 year I was a little lost. While I had goals they seemed so far away. To stay happy I started to ask my self: "What do I want today?" because each day will make a difference. So make a goal for each day. Like "Today I am going to eat more healthy snack and less unhealthy ones." Let go of the past (the parts that need to me let go of) and focus on today and maybe a little bit of tomorrow. Thinking about the future can be overwhelming but you'll get there.

Charli666

Firstly dont beat yourself up, our bodies response to painful and stressful times is to comfort itself, and whilst we all know that this shouldn't be with food, it often is.

The important thing is that you know you need to stop this now before the issue gets too big to handle.

My advice because you are suffering from depression is to go easy on yourself, take each day as it comes, set daily goals for yourself, however small i.e today i will get up, shower and walk to the store to buy a piece of fruit. write every day off and start fresh the next day.

Try to start moving a little more, and switch one bad meal a day for a healthier choice, then when your feeling a little more motivated, you can take it further.

You can do this!!!

sam363

We all have crap days where our beds seem better than to face whatever is out there.

Set small goals for yourself and find ways for you to win in your day. I had a horrible breakfast where I consumed over 800 calories but I'm going to "win" with lunch by drinking water with my meal. I know that if I decided to work out at home with a dvd that I will stop after 5 mins today so I'm going to walk my dog outside instead. Try setting one goal that you want to accomplish today even if it might seem trivial or stupid to tell others, it will help you mentally gain back some positivity and give you confidence to do more for yourself.

Feel free to friend me. I'm at a point where I need a little encouragment from friends.

Lexie28

There are a few things that you need to remember. No matter who your friends are...we are ALL going through something. It may not appear so on the outside but we are all facing personal battles. Remember...never judge someone until you walked a mile in their shoes. Your Facebook friends and everyone else you may associate with have issues as well...no one is perfect and no one leads a perfect life.

Life is rough and just 2 years ago I lost my father, my best friend, my fiance (who I caught with another woman) and my long time Maine Coon Cat Fred. It was a rough time...I still don't know how I got through it all...but I too was on medication for a few months until I could work through it.

It's only in the last few months that I decided to finally take care of me. To do what I needed to do to be happy. It's easy to lose yourself in a bag of Doritos...but does that really make you happy??? NO!!! You will get some satisfaction for stuffing your face but once it's over and you start thinking about all the garbage you just consumed...you will feel even worse.

It's time to take care of you....it's time to be selfish (in a manner of speaking) and focus on yourself. Do what you need to do to be happy?? Get up tomorrow...put one foot in front of the other...and through all the baby steps...you will get there. Do things little by little....you don't have to start running marathons and starving yourself...

That's how I did it...baby steps... I have about 25 more pounds to lose...but I am finally liking myself again...and before you know it...I will be loving myself again. That's what you need to do...start loving yourself....don't feel guilty about what's happened in the past...especially things that are out of your control. What's in the past...is in the past.

Life is too short to be unhappy.....do what YOU need to do...to be HAPPY!!!

Cheers

poisongirl6485

I'm SO sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you're going through. I just lost my grandma, which was my first loss EVER in my immediate family, and it's been hard. I can't fathom losing my little brother.

Anyway, I hear ya about need support...it's critical! I'm quite a bit heavier than you, but there are times almost daily where I just want to give up and scarf down a bunch of crap and say *kitten* it. But I am sticking with it, and slowly but surely losing the weight. We can do this!!!

I would also suggest speaking to your doc about possibly adjusting your meds to something that doesn't make you ravenous. I too have suffered from depression, and it's an ugly beast to battle against.

mariasheehan

hi there,

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I suffer from depression and I know just how awful you must feel. You really need to get your head in the right place first before you can concentrate on your body. It took me a long time to 'get there' mentally before I could work on trying to get fit physically. You also have to be very kind to yourself and not worry about friends on FB.

I started getting fit by walking, and it really really helped my mood, I HATE walking by the way, but it really does help a LOT.

I live in Vancouver, Washington too, add me if you need support or help :-)

starboardzor

I'm sorry for your loss and hard times. I went through a really unhealthy marriage (and eventually divorce) and things definitely spiraled down, badly. I'm trying to remember how I picked myself up off the couch and got on with life. It took some more spiraling, but eventually I got better by just forcing positivity into my life. My job was making me miserable too, so I started volunteering somewhere that interested me. Even though I was scared to start, because social situations make me really uncomfortable, I forced myself to anyway and now it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It inspired me to go back to college part time and now I have big new goals and dreams in my life I never had before. You just have to start starting stuff. Anything you can think of. They might not work out at first, but try something new. Just try, even if you don't want to.

I went from laying on the couch in a trashed apartment, staring at the walls, drinking myself to death, no goals, not motivation, no friends, to having a LOT going for me. And I want to say it was all thanks to just being brave and starting life over again from scratch. You CAN do it! Start one positive thing in your life and see if the rest follows.

chrellis_26

Have you thought about getting counseling. Someone to express what you are feeling regularly so that you can find out the source of what triggers you to bing eat.

With all new quests, they can only start by taking the first step. In this case, the first step on the treadmill, down the walk way....getting dressed for exercise is a major step as you are making sure you are ready to continue with that task.

You know that you felt better when you were at a lesser weight, but that doesn't mean all your problems go with the weight. You must process the stresses in your life, and your weightloss will reflect along with the ease of emotion. You can't just fix one area and think the others will follow suit. It doesn't work that way. You must commit to fixing ALL of you.

You asked for help here...........that's major! Congrats at reaching out. And if we need to be your 'counselor' to help get you started, then we can......but really consider profession guidance. They will be able to see you more openly and really dig to the bottom of the problems.

So, wipe the tears, take a deep breath and realize that we are all here to get healthier...no matter how much weight we are aiming for. We can tell you how to get going......but we can't make you. That is up to YOU. Only YOU can make this happen dear. So what are you waiting for? Maybe a short walk down to the end of the block is a good way to start. Getting outside, getting fresh air and sunshine can make a huge difference on mood and motivation.