Mom & Tween Team Up

SLaw4215

I had an annual physical earlier this year and I was complaining to my doctor about how I am always on a diet and never seem to lose any weight. I'm sure you can relate when I say I've tried everything over the years from diet pills to colon cleansing and have spent hundreds if not a couple thousand dollars on Weight Watcher and Lean Cuisine products and nothing seemed to work.

My doctor asked me if I wanted to try LAP-BAND surgery. He even left me with another patient of his who had had the surgery. She looked so good sitting in the waiting area it never entered my mind that she had ever had a weight problem. Instead of feeling relieved or excited about the possibility of getting skinny I suddenly felt 'dark'. I didn't understand what was happening inside my head but when he asked me if I wanted to talk about doing surgery I didn't just say a little no thank you-- it was "NO!" I think I was as surprised to hear myself say it as he was to hear it and when he inquired 'why not?' the first thing that came to mind was my daughter. I explained that she looks up to me and she needs me to help her lose weight too and I could not have LAP-BAND surgery and leave her to fend for herself.

I had an epiphany in the doctor's office that very moment. I had to stop lying to myself about my level of commitment to losing weight and I had to stop transferring my bad habits onto my kids. It was time to get really honest and make a lifestyle change but how?

We tried WW meetings but she just couldn't get into that. We talked to a pediatric nutritionist and we already knew what NOT to eat so that wasn't much help. I decided I had to get her involved.
#1. We found MFP and each established our own accounts because my tracking everything for her wasn't going to teach her anything except that I'm still "Mommy control freak". She is getting all of the benefits of tracking her daily food diary and seeing the MFP prompts to help keep her motivated. I enlisted her aunts for familial support. I get the benefit of being able to email reports/updates to her nutritionist/doctor.

#2 She said she wants to learn how to cook. I figured that wasn't a bad idea. Maybe if she knew what went into some recipes she might be more inclined to eat them instead of scrunching up her nose at everything that isn't the shape of a chicken nugget. I bought a nice new set of cooking pans to make it more fun to make home cooked meals in and we actually do use them often.

#3 I have had a lot of dialogue with my daughter and we talk about nutrition and making choices. When we go grocery shopping we typically talk a little bit about what we want to get for the week and make a list before we go to the store. I have her push around and put items into her own shopping cart while I shop for myself. By doing this I hope to show her that I respect that she doesn't always like the same things I like. I find that we fight less and we focus more on our objective to eat healthy so we can lose weight. I don't worry about eating everything exactly the same.

Since signing up for MFP a couple of months ago we each have lost 20 pounds. It took that very moment in the doctor's office to get me to admit that my lying to myself was hurting my children by feeding them things that contribute to making them obese and perhaps leading them on a path to high cholesterol and other health related problems. Add to that the observation that high school is just around the corner for her and as many of you know, kids can be very cruel at this age. The time to teach my daughter good coping skills and how to 'eat to live' and not live to eat-- like we used to do ---has to start now.

We are going to have some weeks that will be better than others and sometime we are going to need all of you.. the My Fitness Pals community ...to be cheering us on.

If there are other parents who are in the same boat, please share your stories with me.

Sincerely,

Sharon (aka Mom)

ace175

Wow, this is an amazing post! I'm not a mom, but when I was your daughters age, I was in and out of WW meetings, doctors, and nutritionist's offices, doing fad diets. So much time and money wasted. Nothing has worked until I joined this site, and I can't wait to continue the rest of my journey on here. It makes me really happy to see that you and your daughter are working so close on this...it's really important that she has support from you! :flowerforyou:

ItsOn130

Your story is very touching to me... My daughter is 11 and she could stand to lose probably about 20 lbs, so right now, she isn't to an extreme, but I worry everyday that she will follow down the same path that I had traveled and struggle with her weight her entire life. I'm trying to teach her healthy habits and explain things to her, but I worry about being harsh. I find it difficult to steer her away from over eating. I don't want her to be hungry, but I don't want her to over indulge.

Anyways, thank you for sharing your story! Great job on you weight loss so far!

SLaw4215

I remember a similar "quiet humiliation" being one of the only teenagers at the Weight Watcher meetings back in the '80's. I really don't want her to experience some of the mean things I remember kids doing/saying to me. And I don't want her doing dangerous things to try and lose weight. Thank you very much for your kind words. This is hard work as you well know.

SLaw4215

My daughter and I have quite a bit more than 20 pounds to lose. I do hope you will keep us in mind as you negotiate those great conversations we all have as parents "eat this not that". My family teased me when I bought us a juicer for a "family Christmas gift" last winter. It's not practical from the position of the costs of trying to juicing fresh fruits and vegetables every single day however it is still on my counter (and not collecting dust under a cabinet somewhere) and I have had quite a bit of success getting my daughter {who never ate any vegetables other than french fries, V-8 drinks, and corn} to eat several vegetables by juicing them and then heating them up as a soup.

I'm certain you are a fabulous mom and you will know the difference between showing that you care and putting your own insecurities onto her.


Best of Luck to you too.

mmtiernan

I absolutely applaud your efforts to do this with your daughter. My 15 year old and I work together on keeping our meals healthy and we also work out together! My daughter's father (my ex-husband) passed away from a heart attack when my daughter was 12 and we made the decision together at that point to clean up our diet for good. My daughter found Clean Eating magazine in the grocery store and wanted to start cooking from the recipes in it. I got a subscription and each week we plan our menu for the week together, make our list and grocery shop together. I had already taught her how to read nutrition labels and we are both very active in reading them to make the best possible choices. She helps cook the meals as well and we both enjoy doing all of this together. We also work out together most nights (she has a very active school schedule which sometimes interferes) using her favorite workout programs.

You and your daughter CAN do this! Involving her in the decision making process and learning together how to eat healthy helps to give her ownership and lifelong skills. You are on the right path!

eellis2000

I absolutely applaud your efforts to do this with your daughter. My 15 year old and I work together on keeping our meals healthy and we also work out together! My daughter's father (my ex-husband) passed away from a heart attack when my daughter was 12 and we made the decision together at that point to clean up our diet for good. My daughter found Clean Eating magazine in the grocery store and wanted to start cooking from the recipes in it. I got a subscription and each week we plan our menu for the week together, make our list and grocery shop together. I had already taught her how to read nutrition labels and we are both very active in reading them to make the best possible choices. She helps cook the meals as well and we both enjoy doing all of this together. We also work out together most nights (she has a very active school schedule which sometimes interferes) using her favorite workout programs.

You and your daughter CAN do this! Involving her in the decision making process and learning together how to eat healthy helps to give her ownership and lifelong skills. You are on the right path!

it is also a great idea to let her shop for her own food. it keeps her responsible for her choices and shows that you respect her ability to make her own decisions. i wish i would have thought of it. lol keep up the good work and good luck on both your journey's.

SLaw4215

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your thoughts with me! In addition to the daughter I have been writing about I have a 21 year old son with high cholesterol. My husband, his father, died of a heart attack and we found out my son has inherited the same cholesterol condition that runs in his dad's side of the family. Even though I know my son has to be really careful about his cholesterol and he has been taking Lipitor since he was a toddler, our weight still got away from us. My heart goes out to you and your daughter for all that you have been through. I'm going to check out that magazine for some recipe inspirations! What kinds of exercise do you and your daughter like to do?

mmtiernan

Unfortunately, we do not know if there is a heart condition that runs in my ex-husband's bloodline - he was adopted and we have no medical background information. We will be moving next year after she graduates from high school and plan to get a heart scan for my daughter then to see if she has any existing worries. Until then, we are focusing on clean eating to ensure her nutrition is not adding to a potential problem. Her father was only 38 when he died - much too young!

We like to workout to a program called ChaLEAN Extreme. It's circuit training with weights three days per week and cardio two days, however we sub in cardio workouts from the Insanity workout program three days per week instead. When my daughter was younger, she liked to work out to Hip Hop Abs. The key is finding something that your daughter enjoys - there are lots of fun programs out there!

mmtiernan

it is also a great idea to let her shop for her own food. it keeps her responsible for her choices and shows that you respect her ability to make her own decisions. i wish i would have thought of it. lol keep up the good work and good luck on both your journey's.

There are many weeks when my daughter makes out the complete menus and grocery list herself! She also packs her own healthy lunches for school and has begun helping her friends at school learn how to make better food decisions. I am really proud of the way she has embraced this and turned it into a positive - its is something that she can do for herself and her own family some day. That's priceless.