Anybody have any suggestions for low self esteem and low wil

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  • Griffin90
    Griffin90 Posts: 64 Member
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    This really is the wrong place to look for that advice. It sounds like something a professional can help you with.
  • Lady_G
    Lady_G Posts: 35 Member
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    I agree with Griffin90 this is a bigger problem than just lack of discipline. You should speak to your doctor and request to see a counsellor. I hope you are able to sort out your problems. Good luck :smile:
  • Justpeachy78
    Justpeachy78 Posts: 45
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    The only advice I can give is to not let those negative thoughts steer you away from your initial goal. I think everyone has that little pesky, negative voice in their head sometimes...you can choose to ignore it or give it power and listen to it :)
  • DMLovell
    DMLovell Posts: 7
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    Just keep repeating over and over again (in your head is fine), I am a wonderful person and I am worth the effort! Losing weight will not help you with the self esteem problem totally but will help. You'll feel more energetic and get more active and lose more weight etc. It's a "good" viscious cycle to "not" break. As far as will power, I have that problem myself. I love sweets and when we have a "snack day" at work no matter how many times I tell myself I won't partake, I see something that tempts me. Now I try to imagine food as "gas" that I put in my body. Putting in bad "gas" makes my car (boby) run badly. I take a short walk it I'm tempted or go get a drink of water. I've posted a picture of how I want to look and I just pull it out and look at it. I hope some of this helps. :happy:
  • vickyg1
    vickyg1 Posts: 211 Member
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    Maybe just find something that you do and accomplish that will make you feel better about yourself. Maybe a running program for example. I have heard running is better than therapy :) Try the Couch to 5k running program its awesome. Then when you are done with that run a 5k...youll feel amazing.

    Try it!
  • vampressmom
    vampressmom Posts: 7
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    they are both right with having a pro to talk to.i had that issue for a while and i did some belly dancing,it brings out your inner goddess and made me feel a lot better about myself.i still cant lose much weight but it doesn't bother me as much
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    You have to learn to ignor yourself... Instead of thinking about your body image.. considering that your inner self doesn't like your outter self right now... try focusing on slowly making a healthier inner body change... think about how good your heart will feel, how much easier it is to breath... think about all of your organs that are appreciating the good food. Think about your blood sugar levels and how much more constant they are and will become... this change isn't just about becoming skinny, its about improving your health too...

    put away your scale. cover up your full length mirrors (try just using a hand mirror or a shorter bathroom mirror to get ready with for the next few months so you don't have to argue with yourself about what you dont like...

    meditate, really try to notice the TINY changes.. because those matter too... focus on improving your diet... and focus on improving the amount of weight you you are lifting at the gym... or improving the speed of the machines you use.. or the pace of your walk if you walk outside....


    Its all about the baby steps... slow and steady wins the race!
  • knelson422
    knelson422 Posts: 308
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    I self sabatoge a lot too, very discouraging. I just started watching this thing on you tube, I don't have the link for it, but it is Bob Harper talking to a university, I think in VA about his experiences with Biggest Loser contestants. I only watched about the first 12 min, but he started talking about the negative messages we tell ourselves, and then I had to go do something, need to finish watching it. You can do a search for "Bob Harper and emotional eating" and it should come up. I think the thing that is helping me is that I have to keep telling myself that I do deserve to treat myself better. I have to tell that voice in my head to "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" because it is wrong. Good luck!!
  • furbjones2003
    furbjones2003 Posts: 3
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    Don't weigh yourself daily or even weekly. Do it every three weeks. Then don’t even count on that, take measurements. Don't go shopping for clothes either until you feel more confident, this only makes matters worse. When you are having a bad day go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Take a long hard look at yourself, close your eyes and say out loud, "I can do this, I am not going to quit!, I can and I will do this for me!" Then walk out of the bathroom and get movin. If that doesn't work then remember this, you are only as good as the promise you made to yourself........
  • michelle4271
    michelle4271 Posts: 194 Member
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    First off, you need to surround yourself with postitive thinking and people. Put up motivation around your house (I use a pic of me from my honeymoon in a bikini in the kitchen on the fridge and one on the mirror in my bedroom where I get dressed ) You might even want to try motivational phrases around the house. (mirrors are a great place - practice repeating them to yourself, while looking at yourself YOU CAN DO IT!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! ) You need to be ready and willing to attack this journey head on!!! I had a difficult time starting my journey also, always looking at the big picture, the final result that I wanted to achieve. - I had to put that aside and start creating mini goals for myself. First I started by logging every little bite that I put in my mouth (even a few calories add up). After getting into that "new" habit, I then started to analyze what it was I was eating, and how I could make a better choice,and looking at the portions and seeing where I could reduce those portions - even by a bite or two. Before I knew it, it became second nature to think about what it was I wanted to put into my body. Look up "super foods" these are foods that are more sustainable, and help to keep your metabolism going. As for the exercise, just go out and do something, outside, gym, around the house, whatever you do that first day - you need to increase it the next, (distance, speed, effort etc). Each day trying to do a little more....eventually that too will become a "new habit". Smaller goals are easier to achieve making the ultimate goal realistic!!! Good luck and i know YOU CAN DO IT - if its truely what you want.
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    I do not subscribe to the self pity and pat you on the back mentality of a lot of the therapists I am more about self empowerment and just making the changes, I do empathize with you but making small changes gradually over time are what amount to big life changes. Start with a daily diary and every day find just 1 thing to be positive about then once a week review it, eventually positivity will grow as will your outlook which is what starts to make more changes for you.
  • dreamdealer
    dreamdealer Posts: 9 Member
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    Instead of making a goal of 15, 20, 35+ lb. goals set 3, 7 pound goals since you have obviously achieved some weight loss. Make your goals shorter and more realistic. Don’t run the marathon, just attempt the shorter races. Be obsessive about recording what you eat and review your fitness pal totals. Start walking briskly (or exercising) so you can eat a few more calories daily. Personally, I went from 2500-4000 daily intake to 1850 plus exercise. I am a little hungry but because of exercise I always have 300-500 calories left for late snacks which I don’t completely use. I'm still trying to break the snack habit.
    You’ve probably taken years to gain the weight and it takes years to lose it all and keep it off. By the way, this is meant for me to listen to as well as you, I just started myself and share your same concerns.
    Now, I’m just looking out further, instead of this summer I’m targeting next year this time. Smaller bites, smaller goals better chance of success. Good luck.
  • callipygianchronicle
    callipygianchronicle Posts: 811 Member
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    Healing the wounds of the past can definitely require professional assistance. Sometimes it requires medication. I can only speak for my personal experience, and that is that while my former therapist could sometimes point in me in the right direction, in the end, all of the unearthing and all of the replanting had to be done by me. We will have to live with ourselves 100% of the time we have left on this earth (and depending on what you believe, beyond that too).

    For me, it has come down to a singular core belief: Misery is a choice. It is okay to let go of any belief that doesn’t serve you. The truth is not one thing. The truth is many things. You can choose to believe new truths about who you are. But you have to truly want to let it go. Because as miserable as some beliefs make us feel, they do serve a purpose. And replacing them means finding something else to fill that job.
  • beccafertig
    beccafertig Posts: 61 Member
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    I agree with furbjones. I've started and stopped enough weightloss efforts to know what is going to discourage me. The scale is the big one. After a week or so of "sort-of" committing myself to getting started, I'd quit if I hadn't lost a pile of weight. It's a horrible self-defeating behavior. This time around, I'm tossing the scale...for a long time at least. I got my starting weight recorded at the beginning of February, but I'm not getting on a scale again until the end of this month. Instead of focusing on the weight loss, focus on the more tangible things that DO start to change almost immediately. After a few days of consistent exercise, you will feel better. You'll have more energy, your muscles will start to get that lovely burn. Learn to love and appreciate those things, because they are easily achievable. At my last weigh in, I was 302 pounds, and I could barely finish 20 minutes on a stationary bike at a super-slow pace. Now, I've pushed myself to 60 minutes at a much quicker pace. I never in my LIFE thought I'd be able to work out for an hour straight. That is an accomplishment that I can completely relish in right here, right now. The weight? It took me 10 years to get this heavy. If it takes me 10 years to take it off, so be it! In the meantime, I'm building the life skills that I need to be healthy.

    Give yourself achievable, but challenging, objectives! Don't be afraid to start small (my start small goal was to walk in place for 5-10 minutes a day. It's all I could do)! Don't be afraid to make goals! Don't be afraid to push yourself! Most of all, don't forget YOU ARE WORTH THIS. You deserve to live a happy, healthy, positively influenced life!
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    Healing the wounds of the past can definitely require professional assistance. Sometimes it requires medication. I can only speak for my personal experience, and that is that while my former therapist could sometimes point in me in the right direction, in the end, all of the unearthing and all of the replanting had to be done by me. We will have to live with ourselves 100% of the time we have left on this earth (and depending on what you believe, beyond that too).

    For me, it has come down to a singular core belief: Misery is a choice. It is okay to let go of any belief that doesn’t serve you. The truth is not one thing. The truth is many things. You can choose to believe new truths about who you are. But you have to truly want to let it go. Because as miserable as some beliefs make us feel, they do serve a purpose. And replacing them means finding something else to fill that job.

    Brilliant!!! I love it! Misery is a Choice! So very very true... Self loathing is like a bad habit... in order to break it, we must replace it with something new... so In order to break this self loathing cycle you must replace it with something.. find a hobby or a talent and fortify and build up that talent... focus all your time and energy into making you worth it!
  • gatorflyer
    gatorflyer Posts: 536 Member
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    Hi there! You're talking to the queen of low self esteem - or at least I used to be. I still question myself and don't always see all the good, (for example, it took my partner showing me pictures for me to really see how well I am doing with my weight loss) , but I am considerably better than I've been all my life. I won't bore you with the details of why, but let's just say that the people around you and the way they treat you, starting young, tends to have a lot to do with self esteem as an adult. Anyway, the realization for me was that frankly, what others think simply does not matter, it is what I think of me that's important. But how to start thinking better of myself? Well, first, make the decision to make the change. That's the first step. Then work on the plan. For me, I realized that the only way to start believing in myself is to take a long hard look, decide what I liked and what I didn't like about me, emphasize the good, and change the bad. I think I'm a pretty good person, but being a good person doesn't make people see you as a good person. You have to see yourself as the best person you can be, then exude that.

    The point is, no one can give you positive self esteem. It's something you have to build yourself. AS to how to go about doing that? Here are some suggestions:

    1. Acknowledge that its a struggle, make a decision to change and go from there
    2. Set small easily attainable goals and celebrate achieving them. Build on that then move up to bigger goals
    3. Recognize that the only important thing is how YOU feel about YOU
    4. Do what makes you happy, regardless of what thers think. If you are truly happy, you will exude high self esteem.

    As for the will, again, you will have to muster that on your own, and likely enhancing your self esteem will improve that. You have to really want to make changes or you never will make them. Remember that this deosn't mean you will be perfect every day, but on those bad days, put them behind you and move on. Rome wasn't built in a day.

    Good Luck!

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like.

    Sue

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