Could YOU pick a favorite child???????????

Becky1971

I consistently seem to do a lot more for one of my daughers than I do for the other but it has nothing to do with favoring one over the other. I love them equally, I like them each for different reasons because they are so different it's amazing they came from the same parents. The thing is: my oldest daughter didn't need the help that my youngest daughter did, I give what's needed when it's needed. My oldest is much more stable, reliable and is married to a man who works very hard to provide. I offer what I can, when I can but she doesn't require as much "mainenance". My youngest has always been a challenge and that didn't disappear when she grew up and moved out, her challenges just changed. She needed me more, she had more problems, had less resources, she wasn't as stable and didn't have a husband to count on. She's doing much better now but I held her up for a long time when it seemed like I wasn't doing anything for my oldest daughter. That made me feel so guilty that I can't say no to my oldest when she does ask for help, even if I don't want to or I have to change my life around to do it. I feel like I owe her something when, really? Do I owe her anything? Probably not. She never says anything to me about it so I don't even know if she feels this way. I just know that I feel like it's uneven and I have to make an effort to even things out.

This has been my moms reasons for a lot of what she has done (though it doesn't explain much regarding the grand children). But you know, even in families where a child has severe special needs, or cancer or whatever, the ones left out are still hurt. I think there really needs to be some serious emotional connection for kids to be okay with these situations, and that may be the case with you.

But when it comes to grandkids, I just don't get it at all.

Becky1971

So glad your sister stepped up and said something too, I wonder if her doing that sort of thing is a big reason why it's gotten better over time. I never understood why my sister never said anything, or would accept things. My mom use to do Plastic Canvas, and she made this big barbie castle, it took her a year and she one a blue ribbon at the fair. My sister has a daughter who is three months younger than my daughter. She isn't the girlie type, didn't really play with dolls and all that. My daughter had barbies and all, and my mom gave the castle to my niece. What happened to it, it got tore up. If my mom had tried to give it to my daughter I would have said no way, keep it at your house and both the girls can play with it when they are over. I just never would have been able to sit with that if it had been the other way around.

I know exactly what you are going through! My mother has her favorite grandchildren...my sister's kids. She took care of them when they were babies. Took them everywhere...the zoo, the park, the fair, the circus. Even followed my sister when she moved out-of-state just to take care of them. At that time I was going through a divorce and my son was only 6 months old. She came to me and said "I know you can take care of yourself." Which I guess that should have made me feel good, but still made me feel like I was totally alone and HAD no one. The entire time the kids were growing up she always did more for my sister's kids on the Holidays. Once we went to visit around Halloween and my mom had fixed my sister's kids each a Halloween basket with toys and candy and not one for my son. He was about 3 or 4 and looked up at me with tears in his eyes and asked "Where's mine Mommy?" Oh you talk about pissed! I picked him up and we took a trip to town and made our own Halloween basket. My sister and I BOTH made sure she knew that wasn't acceptable! She still swears she never made a difference in them. She's not so bad now that they are all teenagers.

SabrinaJL

Yeah, but she's an only child so she gets the title by default.

I get where you're coming from though and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. My husband's dad and step-mom ignore him (and our kid) and favor his step-brother who is a violent thug.

Becky1971

It seems that a lot of us have the opportunity to choose to do things differently with our kids. Nothing like a bad example to give a boost in the right direction! Cheers to us!:drinker:

Amen to that!

Think it's time I find a different message to read, I have responded enough...
It breaks my heart all the time, to hear about these stories. I have always told my kids, if they feel they are being treated unfairly or different then lets talk. If I need to change something I will, if there just needs to be some clarity then we discuss that.

Christie81

Just because they're Christian, don't make them perfect. Christians are just forgiven, but far from perfect. We do strive to do what God would want us to do. Yes, maybe it does seem that they pick favorites, but didn't they already have this planned. Is it fair to them for you to expect them to change their plans they already had? Maybe you are more upset because it didn't work out like you wanted and maybe the younger daughter asked them more often to do things and that is why they do so much with her. There may be more to it than what you are seeing.

I'm sure she is fully aware of the situation considering this is her MIL and family.