A woman's week at the gym! LOL
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A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago,
I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified
himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary
to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god--with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling
white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines...I enjoyed watching
the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he
put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked
on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he
scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late--it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine--which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that *kitten* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago,
I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified
himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary
to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god--with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling
white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines...I enjoyed watching
the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he
put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!
It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked
on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he
scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late--it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine--which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that *kitten* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!
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Replies
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that is too funny!!!!!0
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**Like!** I have tears running down my face I laughed so hard!! Thanks, I needed that!0
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great stuff0
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TOO FUNNY!!:laugh:0
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LMAO OH MY GOSH!! This made my night a MILLION times better!!!! Love this! going to share this!!0
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OMG!!! So funny...Thank you for sharing this....0
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Funny!0
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*bump*0
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LOLOLOL, I know, I know, I know. Say was this the dungeon at the London Tower?!0
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that was hilarious, i'm taking it christo wont be seeing you again....LOL
makes me not want to get a personal trainer EVER
hope next week is better for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
Lmfao! Oh so true!0
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Hillarious!!0
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Hahaha this was so funny and perked me up after getting drenched in the lovely english weather we're having!! Thank you for sharing!! :flowerforyou:0
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Very funny! :laugh: :laugh:
Thanks for sharing!0 -
This is hysterical- I was laughing so hard, I started crying> GOOD ONE!!0
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