helping a friend

jonboy1985

i have a friend who is in the obese category and recently she's started opening up to me about her relationship with her weight and how she wants it to change. she still has the attitude that she can't do it though. she says, "i don't eat like a hog, but i make bad choices." i've been successfully working towards my weight loss goal, and i really want to get her into it too, because i know it will make her feel like she wants to, but i'm having trouble getting her motivated. it's frustrating, because i'm not really sure where my own motivation came from, it just sort of clicked one day. the thing is, she's big enough that i could help her lose 20 lbs in a heartbeat, just by a few simple tips, like upping her water intake and some very simple and painless food substitutions. should i try to suggest these things? i see her almost everyday and now we talk about it at least once or twice a week, so maybe that's her way of showing she's open to it... i just really want my friend to be healthy, and it's not like i'm worried about offending her, our relationship is very open and honest, but i'm worried that, secretly, this could increase the shame she says she feels and that will make her depressed, which means she'll continue eating that way.

SLambertAlaska

Wow. I would say that if your friend is opening up to you about it that is about the same as asking for help. Go for it!

wolfchild59

One thing I've learned is that no one can truly create the initial drive and motivation in another person. That person absolutely much make that decision and be ready to do it for themselves. Otherwise it will feel forced and they won't want to continue. Will probably eventually fail because they don't have the motivation in themselves to keep going and then they'll see that failure as another reason to not try again in the future.

I'd say the beat thing you can do is continue on your journey and be open and honest about the changes you're making in your life and the positive effects they're having for you. The best you can hope for is for her to see your success and want it for herself, making that light of inspiration and drive to click on for her as well.

FJMilner

I think its a very difficult subject when someone has issues with their self esteem, there's always the worry of making it worse. I think if you have a good, close relationship you should be able to suggest a few painfree swaps and increase of water intake...after all it is only a suggestion. Hope you work it out, I hate seeing my friends upset or low x

Heather75

Make a few suggestions the next time she brings it up. Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome, but if she asks what she should do and expresses an interest, you can help her by telling her what worked for you. After that it is up to her.