big guys mindset

mike_littlerock

I am a big fella, and have been for several years. I was a skinny kid, but then got into lifting weights in college and i really remembered liking how it felt to be big (muscular in that case, fat now). its like it created a safety zone for me. about 5 years ago, I was going through a divorce, and starting a new job that involved fairly extensive travel. I never worked out, and I started to eat fast food. each year i packed on more weight from my diet, which was tasty, but not good for me. I frequently took customers to breakfast/lunch/dinner/drinks and its quite hard for me to eat as well on the road as I can at home. I am an engineer for a big tech company, and held some odd hours, so sleep was impacted. it also seems that every time i tried to get started on working out I would get injured.. tendinitis in my knee after a couple of months of 60+ minutes every day on elliptical, another spurt of workout activity and I hurt my foot.. Fast forward a couple of years, and I was blessed with the opportunity to meet the woman that would become my wife (married last July) and the person who is going through this journey with me.

Now that the background has been established, I can ask my question. I see an interesting trend when I look at my mindset as a skinny guy, muscular guy, and fat guy. I have this feeling that I have felt a sense of "permission" regarding diet. If a big guy, (im 5'11" and about 260 at the start of the diet), has dinner with friends, it is almost like people know I am going to order something that is not healthy. I would order the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and an appetizer and nobody blinked an eye, because that was a meal for a big fella. I clearly remember when I was the workout fanatic, I would go into a restaurant and order boneless/skinless chicken breast and a salad (olive oil and lemon for dressing) and that was also accepted because it was consistent with the expected meal for a fit person.

My challenge is to overcome that sense of entitlement or permission, and order correctly. this site is helping me see the hidden calories in my diet, but it is good to go through this journey with others. I posted this message because I wanted to see if others had this same feeling. the same is true for exercise when I do travel. if you are in good shape, you mention that you need to run/workout and people might ask about the workout. when not in shape, its almost like the workout seems like much more of an optional activity. co-workers are more likely, at least this is my impression, to coerce me to skip a workout in my current state, because my current body type indicates that I have certainly skipped them on a regular basis in my past.. what can skipping one more time hurt?

My struggle now is to realize I do NOT need the portions I used to eat, I do NOT ever need seconds, I MUST make better choices every day. our culture of super sized meals, and convenient but unhealthy food is taking its toll and our waistlines show it. I had a co-worker visit from SouthEast Asia, and wanted to show them around town, as they did for me when I was visiting. I took them to a sandwich shop, and ordered for them. I remember the look of shock on their faces and one of my guests asking "is all of this for me?".. I said yes, but he looked confused "but its soooo biiiiggggggg".

I want to get back in shape so I can spend many happy years with my wife, and because I know my weight gain worries my mother (and because I hate how I feel and want to have some energy again)

thanks for reading, and I look forward to your comments.. I am hoping I am not the only one who feels this permission slip is there, and that it is something I need to change. i am trying to picture myself as the skinny mike and order what he would.

thanks
Mike

kevanos

well if you compare our caloric needs to that of a 120lbs woman, we do need nearly double what they need. Regardlesss of that fact, overeating got us to where we are. Portion control is key, even if we are on 2500 calories diets.

strbryt

ok I know I am not a guy but I foung this thread very interesting. I tend to feel the same way. When I talk bout my workouts and what I have done sometimes it feels like people are so shocked cause they didn/t think I had it in me to do something so hard. WHen I pass up the sliced of pizza I hear my friends say way to go your doing great and keep up the great work while they are shoving the pizza directly into their mouths. When I call my friends out on what they are eating cause they have offered me some I tell them the nutrition facts and all they say is so it tastes good. I can't seem to win for losing( literally)

mike_littlerock

I do understand what you mean strbryt. I love you attitude and I think that changing how we think is the key to our success.

Kevanos, agreed.. My wife does not think its fair that I get to consume more calories, but we do have to consider overall muscle mass, etc..

FORKDOWN

I can relate to your story. Could not gain weight like I wanted to for HS football. In college I was a gym rat. Then I got married and started a carreer which required sitting at a desk. Enough said. I too surfer from not enough sleep and injury after injury. Its good to hear someone else is going through this. Of course sorry you are going through this.

JanieKelley

Mike, I don't think it's unfair that you get to have more calories than me, I just think it's unfair that men can lose weight so much faster than women. I'm happy we are both doing this together. You really cannot be successful if only one person in the house is making changes. I love you and I'm proud of you! Janie

mike_littlerock

well my love.. all i care about is us loosing weight so we can live long and have fun. I know you love me in spite of my extra weight, but I long to have the energy levels that I used to. I am proud that we are doing this together and having fun in the process.

kevanos

it's love at first type.

beautiful

iplayoutside19

Hey Mike,

My wife and I have been on here for 18 months. We've lost around 100 lbs together. I'm a big guy too. My current daily goal is 2600 kcal. My goal weight is 260 (really my goal is 12% Body Fat)

I completely get what you're talking about. It's perfectly acceptable in our society for me to be the "Jolly Fat Man" Especially at family get togethers when the amount of food prepared is determined based on "he's a big guy". I also get crap from my wife and sister about the amount of food I "get" to eat even though I'm in a deficit. You will even get comments on here that the 1000 calories you burned in an hour is "too much" It's just a different world, and there's not a big portion of the population that lives in it.

Freind me if you want. Read my blogs...all the good stuff.