UPDATE ON PREVIOUS TOPIC - Totally OFF subject, but was

boobee32

Thought I would start a new post with the latest on my earlier post. First, I want to give a big THANKS to all of you for your thoughts, opinions and ears. This has totally consumed my day, from chatting with everyone here about it, to talking to my daughters dad about it, to searching for drug test kits online all day, to just plain worrying.

First of all...I have been divorced from Kaseys (my daughter) dad since she was 14 months old. We have however maintained an excellent friendship and they have a great relationship also. He is an excellent dad..even though I wish she would spend more time there, I think that is fixing to change.

Alan picked Kasey up from school today, and told her what we knew...and asked her if it was true..and she came clean about the entire situation. She was very upset, thinking we were mad at her, but they had a really really good talk...and she wanted me to come early from work, because she was so upset, so I did..and we all three talked about the situation. WE are both very proud of her first off for telling the truth and not denying it...so....she doesnt know how we got the info...and that is not the important thing. She says she has only drank on two occasions, and the pot thing was just a couple of weekends ago...and only that one time.

She totally understands that there will be random drug testing, and was totally agreeable with that. I told her THAT can be her ouf for the peer pressure..she can tell her friends that she is tested, and she will be....but maybe THAT reason will take the pressure off of her to partake in these activities.

There will be stricter rules that she will follow as far as where she goes and with whom. She has always been a good girl, and knows right from wrong, and I have been fairly leanient with her, because I have never hd reason not to...IF she messes up, there will be priviledges taken away...computer, phone, tv, goin off, having company. Believe me....she does NOT want that.

We both told her to call us at any time, day or night if she is ever in a situation where she needs to get out of it...we will be there..no yelling, no trouble, just come get me...im there.

There was no yelling...but we both told her how disappointed we were in her...and that hit her hard because she is a very soft hearted emotional kinda girl.

OK>>>>HERE IS THE KICKER!!!!! I was expecting this to be a group of ,kids hanging out , got some beer , got a joint kinda thing..lets experiment...NOOOOOOO...it was her friends DADDY who went and bought the Smirnoff Wine coolers for them, on two seperate occasions.....and this past weekend when she went...he...HE broke out the pot!!!! Can you believe that ****??????
Not only Kasey was there, but two other little girls as well. Now....MY daughter is a tiny little thing,...maybe weighs 90 lbs...and she drank 3 of these. Needless to say....someone is going to jail......and my ex is threatening to go kill him...which I hope to God he doesnt try...but....we called a sherrifs deputy that is a friend...and he is going to set up a sting..for kasey to wear a wire and camera and go back over and try to get the dad to go buy some...and once he does...BAM...they are gonna bust his *kitten*!!!!!
Of course, we are giving this alot of thought, it is up to kasey if she wants to do this or not...if not....its gonna be a he said she said kind of thing...and probably wont go anywhere.....

And it is my question on this..as to what his intentions were for even doing this?? I hate to even think about it....just makes me sick to my stomach!!!
So....there is peace in the household for now.

Atlantique

I'm glad things seem to have gone so well!

I mentioned in the other thread to not rule out that the kids were getting it from the parents! A lot of parents seem to feel this sort of thing is fine when done in the parents' home, and I will never understand it. I'm sorry that turned out to be the case though as that brings another set of problems.

Please think about this 'sting' operation with the daughter. Think long and hard. You are putting her in a really tough position there, making a 13 year old take on adult responsibilites. When the word gets out about the wire, and it WILL, your daughter will have to deal with that as long as she is in the same school system that she is today. She will become a social pariah. Her friend may be placed in protective custody and removed from the home. There will be an awful lot of fall-out here and I don't think you want your daughter to be the one suffering for another parent's really horrendous choices and child endangerment.

Also, your daughter will be forced to testify in whatever prosecution takes place. These cases can drag on for years. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child.

So I'd put a great deal of thought into this....

Maybe the adults should handle the adult problems, rather than involving children in situations whose ramifications can't be comprehended or agreed to by the child?

FearAnLoathing

I'm glad things seem to have gone so well!

I mentioned in the other thread to not rule out that the kids were getting it from the parents! A lot of parents seem to feel this sort of thing is fine when done in the parents' home, and I will never understand it. I'm sorry that turned out to be the case though as that brings another set of problems.

Please think about this 'sting' operation with the daughter. Think long and hard. You are putting her in a really tough position there, making a 13 year old take on adult responsibilites. When the word gets out about the wire, and it WILL, your daughter will have to deal with that as long as she is in the same school system that she is today. She will become a social pariah. Her friend may be placed in protective custody and removed from the home. There will be an awful lot of fall-out here and I don't think you want your daughter to be the one suffering for another parent's really horrendous choices and child endangerment.

Also, your daughter will be forced to testify in whatever prosecution takes place. These cases can drag on for years. that's a lot of pressure to put on a child.

So I'd put a great deal of thought into this....

Maybe the adults should handle the adult problems, rather than involving children in situations whose ramifications can't be comprehended or agreed to by the child?

I have to agree with this.He should be stoped but I dont know if it would be good for your daughter to be branded as the "rat" for the rest of school.I wouldnt know what to do in that situiation.


btw I think you and her father handled it really well.

FearAnLoathing

Oh and I also wanted to say Ive heard of stupid parents providing kids with beer and such,but if this guy was actually partying with 13 yr olds it seems more of a predator situation to me

jlewis2896

I agree with Atlantique's post.

I have a friend who recently went through the same situation with her 16 year old daughter. It's actually kind of eerie how similar the details are.

And her daughter is a very sweet girl, very quiet, very trustworthy..... but she kept getting into the same types of trouble. This went on for about a year, and it finally stopped when they started going to group counseling. The counselor met with the family separately, and also together, and was able to call the daughter out in a way that her mom and dad (and stepdad) could not -- as an objective third party. Just something to consider!! I know every situation is different, and every person is different.

Best of luck to you sorting things out -- sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders -- your daughter is lucky to have you!!

Also -- regarding the guy who bought and gave the pot --- some people never grow up. I think they need to find people to 'impress' with their illicit behavior because friends move on and spouses get sick of dealing with the same crap. So sad.... but they guy's a loser and NOT worth your daughter's father getting into trouble with the law.

Tarah1357

Please think about this 'sting' operation with the daughter. Think long and hard. You are putting her in a really tough position there, making a 13 year old take on adult responsibilities. When the word gets out about the wire, and it WILL, your daughter will have to deal with that as long as she is in the same school system that she is today. She will become a social pariah. Her friend may be placed in protective custody and removed from the home. There will be an awful lot of fall-out here and I don't think you want your daughter to be the one suffering for another parent's really horrendous choices and child endangerment.

Also, your daughter will be forced to testify in whatever prosecution takes place. These cases can drag on for years. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child.

So I'd put a great deal of thought into this....

Maybe the adults should handle the adult problems, rather than involving children in situations whose ramifications can't be comprehended or agreed to by the child?

Agreed. That's exactly what I was thinking after I read this. It's definitely a tough situation. Good luck with everything!

boobee32

I'm glad things seem to have gone so well!

I mentioned in the other thread to not rule out that the kids were getting it from the parents! A lot of parents seem to feel this sort of thing is fine when done in the parents' home, and I will never understand it. I'm sorry that turned out to be the case though as that brings another set of problems.

Please think about this 'sting' operation with the daughter. Think long and hard. You are putting her in a really tough position there, making a 13 year old take on adult responsibilites. When the word gets out about the wire, and it WILL, your daughter will have to deal with that as long as she is in the same school system that she is today. She will become a social pariah. Her friend may be placed in protective custody and removed from the home. There will be an awful lot of fall-out here and I don't think you want your daughter to be the one suffering for another parent's really horrendous choices and child endangerment.

Also, your daughter will be forced to testify in whatever prosecution takes place. These cases can drag on for years. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child.

So I'd put a great deal of thought into this....

Maybe the adults should handle the adult problems, rather than involving children in situations whose ramifications can't be comprehended or agreed to by the child?

You are absolutely right in that....and of course, i do not want the ramifications for her like that..but I also do not want my ex getting all upset and handling it on his own....believe me...I want this turd to go down as bad as anyone.
Kasey is a popular girl at school, and no i do not want her to suffer because of this and be called out as a snitch...that would not be good. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see it through someone elses eyes. We had told her that she could blame it on us and say we made her do it....but i dont know if that would help HER out in that situation. gonna talk to her daddy about it some more....i think yall are right.

boobee32

I'm glad things seem to have gone so well!

I mentioned in the other thread to not rule out that the kids were getting it from the parents! A lot of parents seem to feel this sort of thing is fine when done in the parents' home, and I will never understand it. I'm sorry that turned out to be the case though as that brings another set of problems.

(quote)
Yes, you did...and now that i have thought about it..when i picked her up that day, she did come out of the blue and say something to the effect of.....i didnt know that when a parent gave you alcohol and you were underaged, it was ok, and not against the law? THat should have been a red flag...whew...come on mama...pay better attention!!!!

ramseyrose

Well done on handling the situation so well. It's so scary when you think about what his intentions may have been!

atsteele

Oh and I also wanted to say Ive heard of stupid parents providing kids with beer and such,but if this guy was actually partying with 13 yr olds it seems more of a predator situation to me

Exactly what I was thinking!! re predator...

Atlantique

I'm glad things seem to have gone so well!

I mentioned in the other thread to not rule out that the kids were getting it from the parents! A lot of parents seem to feel this sort of thing is fine when done in the parents' home, and I will never understand it. I'm sorry that turned out to be the case though as that brings another set of problems.

Please think about this 'sting' operation with the daughter. Think long and hard. You are putting her in a really tough position there, making a 13 year old take on adult responsibilites. When the word gets out about the wire, and it WILL, your daughter will have to deal with that as long as she is in the same school system that she is today. She will become a social pariah. Her friend may be placed in protective custody and removed from the home. There will be an awful lot of fall-out here and I don't think you want your daughter to be the one suffering for another parent's really horrendous choices and child endangerment.

Also, your daughter will be forced to testify in whatever prosecution takes place. These cases can drag on for years. That's a lot of pressure to put on a child.

So I'd put a great deal of thought into this....

Maybe the adults should handle the adult problems, rather than involving children in situations whose ramifications can't be comprehended or agreed to by the child?

You are absolutely right in that....and of course, i do not want the ramifications for her like that..but I also do not want my ex getting all upset and handling it on his own....believe me...I want this turd to go down as bad as anyone.

Again, this is an adult problem. Your husband needs to manage his own anger and behavior. It's not fair to ask your daughter to do that for him, or really, for you to do it for him.

Right now, your daughter would probably agree to just about anything to re-earn your trust and approval. So you have to be thoughtful about what you request of her while she is desperate to get back into your good graces.

Kasey is a popular girl at school, and no i do not want her to suffer because of this and be called out as a snitch...that would not be good. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see it through someone elses eyes. We had told her that she could blame it on us and say we made her do it....but i dont know if that would help HER out in that situation. gonna talk to her daddy about it some more....i think yall are right.

I think you'll find a solution. You and your ex have handled this well so far and I'm sure you'll find the solution that's right for your family.