My husband wants a divorce...normally, I would binge eat rig

stacimusmax

Well, as the topic says, STRESS! By the way, I do not want a divorce. I very much love my husband. He says he loves me but still wants out. Just throw 19 years of marriage out the window?
With that being said.........I have not eaten chocolate, chips, or candy to this point. (I did indulge in a corn muffin). I'm actually a little sick to my stomach and wanting to totally avoid food. I know, not the right answer either.
I workout almost daily already. I need to find a way to lengthen those workouts and somehow make them therapeutic. See, part of my working out plan was to please him. He is quite fit. I don't look bad (size 10-12) and quite pretty (I think). I just want to be better for him. So, I guess it is all about me now.
I read so many encouraging things on here. I know I can do this, I just needed to vent a little...

REALTORWarrior

Sorry to hear. You did a good thing keeping part of the motivation for just you. Now it can be all you. I feel for you.

BerryH

Sorry to hear that, but well done on separating your emotions from your eating. It's a sign of strength.

Yes, do it for yourself. Add me as a friend and I'd be happy to support you.

Many of us who've been through this post on this thread:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/198946-anyone-else-going-through-divorce-or-been-through-one

janesmith1

***Hugs*** - sorry to hear that.

I'm really into Zen Buddhism since it calms me down. I found this page, I hope it helps, Zen has always helped me through every horrible thing I've experienced.

http://familydharma.pulelehuadesign.com/divorce.htm

McKayMachina

I can't imagine what you must be going through.

I don't really know what to say. I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I read what you wrote and I'm thinking about you. Here's to an unknown adventure. Hugs.

janesmith1

I don't know if this helps but I'll send you a friend request and everyone on this thread should send Staci a friend request...*hugs*

millymoozie

oh my wellcome to the club my lovely ,my situation is bang on yours in fact was like reading something i had written ,it is so spot on in every detail ,im 5 weeks on from my husband leaving after 19 years , i was so so low to the point thought that was it for me & my life ,love him dearly & could not see any light at the end of the tunnel ,he is fit to look at allthough is blessed with good genes ,he does do active stuff but not on a regular basis ,he totally lost it one night & was a bit violent (had never happened before ) & during this it all came out that he doesnt feel what he should for me & that im overweight & ugly ,have no shape ,never make myself look nice for him ,blah blah & said if i lost weight he would come back to me ,its funny because i have been fine for the last 2 weeks ,but today allthough not down atall just feel a bit like he is my destiny & one day in future all will be ok ,
i also have have allways done all to please him & my goals have been for him ,you can see from my profile this was my main reason for starting on here ,things have changed a bit & im actually comfortable to live alone now ,the tears have dried up & i am starting to respect myself for the 1st time in many years ,im so sorry to hear someone else is going through this nightmare & i very much know how you feel , for me i had a good 3 weeks of physical pain , it isnt just an emotion it actually hurts ,spent each night crying & each day on the sofa with so much to do but in a trance & couldnt do anything ,i am now through this & i feel strong & happiness is a part of my day now .
i hope you are ok & i hope you are ok & if you should ever need a chat im here ,take care

eeeekie

Sorry to hear about your situation. Just think you aren't losing yourself by him leaving. You're gaining a new self respect and putting yourself first (which I'm sure is a new thing for you as a wife and mother(?)) Take advantage of it and make yourself and your health priority! Try not to let this get you down...try to stay positive and uplift yourself with a nice walk every time you feel like binge eating.

Good luck with everything

Spitfirex007

Yoga is a great workout and it can really help clear your mind.

BerryH

Hey hun, if you want something inspiring to do today, why not revise your profile and goals to reflect what you're going to do for yourself.

dawnna76

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. Good for you though on keeping to your resolve and eating right. I have a friend that is also going through a divorce after 19 years. Its hard, but like I have told her, this is a bump in the road and in the end you still have yourself to love. take care of you and the best is yet to come!

mummum2

Just wanted to send you *hugs* and to wish you all the best for your future! can't commit on the divorce thing as I know nothing about it! but to add I think your outlook is fantastic, you're doing you and noone else! :flowerforyou:

jlsAhava

Hey hun, if you want something inspiring to do today, why not revise your profile and goals to reflect what you're going to do for yourself.

I think that's a wonderful idea!

bullmastifflover

My in-laws were on the brink of a divorce and managed to work through some tough issues through marriage counseling. You might have to see a few of them. The first therapist told her to divorce him and the second or third one was actually helpful in helping guide them to talk through their issues.

Best of luck to you! Kudos for handling this stressful time with better choices!

dlaplume2

I am sorry to hear that new. I hope you can find the support you need to stay strong and focus on you.

Is he even willing to try anything to work on it? Unfortunately there is nothing you can do if he isn't even willing to try. It is so sad when a realationship ends like that

I don't know what else to say to make you feel better, just know that we care and hope you come out on the other side of this stronger than you ever thought possible.

Best wishes.

WrenLynn

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know the devastation of divorce. I had been married (happily I thought) for eleven years when out of nowhere my ex said he wanted a divorce. We have 3 children (little then) and I just couldn't understand how life could spiral out of control so quickly. Came to find out he had been having an affair with a woman at work only during business hours. He was always home when he was supposed to be, etc... I did not have an appetite at all so I know how you are feeling. You will go thru many stages of grief because it is as if a part of you died. Divorce was very hard on my children and I and even my ex. I divorced in 2002 and now am blessed with a wonderful husband. I actually feel sorry for my ex as his life is in shambles now and two of our three children do not even see him regularly. If people would only realize the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Love is a choice not a feeling. Feelings will come and go but if you truly love someone you love them no matter what. Hugs to you.

amfmmama

Last year my husband told me he was not happy. After 6 months of therapy I found out that he was having an affair. Yep, in therapy at 2 with her by 5. Once that came out, I decided that it was still worth working on. We have to small children. After six more months of therapy, he came home and said he was moving out. I had a hard time eating, felt nauseaus all the time and lost 8 pounds. Prior to this I always ate when I was sad/stressed. This was different. After the initial effortless 8 pound loss, I decided that i would keep it going. Joined MFP and started exercising at home. I cannot think of a bigger hit to ones self-esteem, then having the man that pledged his love and life to you saying that he does not want you anymore, not to mention that he wants someone else. Honestly, I think part of it was a control thing. In a positive way. My life in all areas was spinning out of control and what I ate and if I exercised was completely in my control. It grounded me.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I can imagine it. I have been there and still am. Take control of this part of your life and it will help.

On happier note.... KICKBOXING!! All I had to do was imagine who I was hitting/kicking and I swear I burned an extra 500 calories!

shakemybooty

Big hugs!! Went through something similar myself. My life was all about him and his life was all about him. It can't work that way. It's amazing how fast your world can spiral out of control. In my case it was never right to begin with but I have super amazing powers of denial.

Focus on yourself now. Sit back and think about what you want out of your life. Really think about yourself for a moment. I had actually forgotten how to do that. Once I did, I saw that it wasn't him and never should have been him. We were water and oil that stayed together because that's really all we knew.

Plus I swear the minute you start asserting yourself and making changes for youself, that's when they start noticing that you really are something special.

Beachbean77

I lost 20 pounds after my ex walked out on us. 9 years of marriage and a brand new house, 2 kids and car payments he decided he didn't want it anymore. He wanted the 21 year old girl instead. I was depressed and didn't feel like eating so the weight dropped quickly. Since that time (over 2 years ago) I have gained all that weight plus some. So now I am on a healthy road of eating and exercise so that I can learn to be happy with who I am. I have realized he is never coming back to me no matter what I say or do and to be honest with everything he put me through and the way he treated me I would never want him back. I know somewhere out there is the right man for me (and my daughters).
I know this is not easy for you and will be a hard road to go down. But know that you have friends and family to help you through times like this. Focus on positive thoughts as much as you can and strengthen your inner being. (BIG HUGS)

esorcel

The following is just a suggestion. It may or may not work for you.

Some people do the mistake of crying and begging the person to return. I learned that this NEVER works. It gives the person strength to keep with their plans to leave. The best thing to do is to calmly let him know that you are okay with the separation, and WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF (it sounds like you are doing this already). This reaction will shock him because he may expect for you to break down. Generally, when you are doing your own thing, you become more of a curiosity to him. I went through a similar situation with my husband, and I had done a lot of research about it. I've read about worse case scenarios where the couple had actually signed the divorce papers after the wife begged for him to stay. She moved out of state to live with her family where she was not judged, took on new hobbies and adventures, and became a happier person. Eventually, he wondered why she wasn't ringing his phone and started taking interest again. HE asked her to return, and she did, but as a stronger person.

When my husband explained that he wanted to separate for a few years, and return later, it took me a while, but I gained the courage to tell him to go right ahead. At that point, he realized that he wanted to have his family instead, and he never left. From that experience, I learned to maintain my own hobbies; to put my desires before his (such as realizing my boundaries: what I will or will not accept, and creating the relationship that I want); an attractive appearance is helpful for myself too, not just for him; and it is NOT UP TO ME to decide for him whether he will stay or won't. Although it will be painful at first, if he doesn't choose to stay later in life, he is paving way for me to meet the one who will truly be sincere to me.

After this kind of wake up call you are experiencing, if he winds up staying, the relationship will be challenging at first, but only time can heal. Good luck with whichever direction the two of you go.

shakemybooty

Ditto everything she said!

I would also like to add that now is a really good time to take a look at your finances. Make copies of all your tax returns/bank statements/credit cards/loan papers and retirement info. It also wouldn't hurt to consult with a lawyer to get their advice on property settlement, child issues, etc.

You're not giving up on your marriage if you do these things. You are proactively preparing yourself for whatever may come your way.

123456654321

Doing it for you is the best way to do it. Keep being strong girlie! *hug*

canroadrunner

Having been there, done that, I know that this is some of the worst pain ever but, rest assured, you will survive it.

And just think, someday you'll be able to look back and say you joined MFP in March 2011 and damn, you lost about 200 lbs of ugly fat the first month.

canroadrunner

Get fit and fabulous for you and then find a man who looks right past how wonderful you look on the outside to the wonderful you on the inside. That's what he'll see for the rest of your life.

smcclaycouffer

I'm so sorry to hear that. In the end it does come down to you and you should be doing this for you not him. You should never change yourself for someone else. You should want the change for yourself and I applaud you for keeping the positive attitude. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will be one hot lady and yes you are pretty!! No need to second guess that!

Triquetra

I was in the same boat 2 years ago. My husband of 15 years turned to me as we were getting in bed one night and just said out of the blue "I want a divorce, goodnight" and went to sleep. We did end up doing a couple of months of counselling, but in the end he still left. Found out 2months afterward he has been having an affair and is still with her today. I have 2 children one of whom is disabled and I have sole custody (he wouldn't be able to party with kids).

I can attest that as hard as it is to begin with, it does improve...You WILL overeat, you WILL cry, you WILL think bad things about yourself at first, then him afterwards, you WILL miss intimacy, you WILL vent and rant and you WILL get through it and be stronger in the end Take this time to get to know yourself again, I have found that I have changed since he has left as I found I was doing things he liked more than what I liked...now I am getting my life back.

Feel free to friend me.

superwmn

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Truly.

I hope you are able to find the right therapudic activities. I also hope you are comforted in any way that is most beneficial to you.

We're all here for you.

Charmagne

JNFRV

Hey hun, if you want something inspiring to do today, why not revise your profile and goals to reflect what you're going to do for yourself.

I think this is a WONDERFUL idea!! Hang in there, you are obviously doing a great job already by keeping it about you and not him. He may actually be a good man afterall by letting you go. It's not right to be in a relationship when there is no longer anything there. No matter how long it's been, it still takes two.

BerryH

Loving the great new picture and great new attitude! *hugs*

Dlibo1013

so sorry, keep your chin up.

ALW65

Ditto everything she said!

I would also like to add that now is a really good time to take a look at your finances. Make copies of all your tax returns/bank statements/credit cards/loan papers and retirement info. It also wouldn't hurt to consult with a lawyer to get their advice on property settlement, child issues, etc.

You're not giving up on your marriage if you do these things. You are proactively preparing yourself for whatever may come your way.

This is exceptionally good advice. My husband chose to leave after about 13 years. Someone else had mentioned the sense of rejection, and that is a very painful thing. I made the mistake of trying to be tough and took the attitude of, "Okay, if you don't want to be with me that's fine...I'll find someone who does." In retrospect, what I should have done if fought to go to therapy together and see if we could have repaired the damage. Five-ish years later, and we both now realize that was a very big mistake. We didn't realize what we had and should have worked much harder to preserve it.

Even though there may be someone else in the picture (hard to know, but often the case), please try to get him to consider therapy. If he doesn't agree to it or goes half-heartedly, you can at least be at peace with yourself in knowing you did everything you could to make things work. You both were very much in love at one time, and that shouldn't be casually tossed aside.

Either way, PLEASE consider seeing a therapist for a while by yourself. It will help you work through all the issues that pop up along the way much faster, and can help you with your weight loss journey, too.

And the good news is, I'm now remarried to a wonderful man who cares very much about me. He's also been very supportive of my efforts to lose weight, and his biggest motivation is for me to be healthy...not the asthetics part of it. Things always have a way of eventually working out...just keep looking to the positives, like all the support you have on MFP.

Feel free to friend me if you'd like, and may every day be better than the last one for you!