Boyfriend not on board

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  • ahadj
    ahadj Posts: 257 Member
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    Thanks everyone. He is definitely a good, supportive man that I plan to keep around for quite some time, and I know he means well. It could be his own insecurities peeking through (he hasn't been able to work out since October due to a surgery) as well as what someone else said about him opening himself up to argument if he agrees "well yeah, you could stand to lose a couple pounds".
  • Newfiedan
    Newfiedan Posts: 1,517 Member
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    as a man I can say that those words are damn near forbidden for men to say to a woman lest he be attacked and kicked to the curb lol.
  • Sambloid
    Sambloid Posts: 12
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    @stephen54scc Men... Right?
  • ExerciseGeek
    ExerciseGeek Posts: 183 Member
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    I have exactly the same problem, :ohwell:
    My boyfriend told me the other day he was sick of hearing about either weight loss, my fitness pal and calories said I shouldnt be how I am because I am becoming obsessed. Also like your partner says "your fine with the way you are".
    Im not obsessed and I know Im not, im just careful with what I eat because I dont want to gain back weight. Its fustrating:explode: because he will be unsupportive by saying 'lets go down the shop and get some ice cream' and I will say yes because its nice he's actually suggesting something for us to do together:ohwell:
    He does work out in the gym, but not all the time, and can eat what he wants because he's one of those lucky ones. My friends are not very supportive either, and have turned jelous and nasty towards me losing weight:ohwell: and im still the same person :yawn: Its so bad!!!

    I just want some support :indifferent:

    :smile: But thanks to MFP I have support online :D
  • fayefaye71
    fayefaye71 Posts: 7
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    My husband tells me how great Im looking & doing & to reward me he will bring me chocolate. I think its just for the most part him just being a man. Just tell him to let you be you & to be understanding on what you want to do with your health & body. I tell my husband its not just about how I look its also about my health.
  • ashahl
    ashahl Posts: 81
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    From my experience guys like "thicker" women, not fat but with a little something to grab on to. Maybe he is worried that if you lose too much weight your breasts or booty will get smaller?
  • saldridge
    saldridge Posts: 125 Member
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    Just throwing this out - I neither know you, nor your boyfriend...

    Let's turn it around, say your boyfriend is in good shape but suddenly decides he has to really buff up like Arnie or get super ripped. Do you believe that you have to support everything someone does even if it goes against everything you like and want?
    If he turns into a body builder and all he talks about is protein and shakes and reps and weights, would you still be unconditionally supportive? You may think you hardly ever talk about it, but often we talk more about things that are important to us than we realize.

    IMHO, in a relationship both sides also have the right to criticize the other person and sometimes you have to find a middle ground. He fell in love with a girl, and maybe he feels you are trying to not be that girl anymore. It doesn't necessarily have to be insecurity.

    You already lost 30 pounds, how much do you REALLY have to lose? You are in the normal weight range, and maybe he really likes that.
  • komplexlysimple
    komplexlysimple Posts: 48
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    My husband tells me all the time that I'm fine...sexy ect., but when we first started dating I was 50lbs lighter. I remember him making the comment on several occassions that he wasn't attracted to "fat" women. He knows i'm not confortable in my body now so he just goes with the fact that I'm trying to lose weight. On the other hand....I get the feeling he tries to sabotoge me. Knowing that I am watching what I eat....he'll go to the store and come back with candy or ice cream sandwiches for me. Or he'll cook, but put bbq sauce or other things on the food that I shouldn't eat. I used to ask him to keep me on track if he saw that I was veering away, but he wouldn't. He would be right there asking me if I wanted some McDonalds at 2am. He asked me before if I was going to leave him once I lost weight (jokingly)....but part of me doesnt think that it was entirely a joke.... :-(

    ^^^^^^ This is my boyfriend!!! He tells me he likes my body, but I think he is just trying to keep me fat.
  • amarie36
    amarie36 Posts: 65 Member
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    My husband tells me all the time that I'm fine...sexy ect., but when we first started dating I was 50lbs lighter. I remember him making the comment on several occassions that he wasn't attracted to "fat" women. He knows i'm not confortable in my body now so he just goes with the fact that I'm trying to lose weight. On the other hand....I get the feeling he tries to sabotoge me. Knowing that I am watching what I eat....he'll go to the store and come back with candy or ice cream sandwiches for me. Or he'll cook, but put bbq sauce or other things on the food that I shouldn't eat. I used to ask him to keep me on track if he saw that I was veering away, but he wouldn't. He would be right there asking me if I wanted some McDonalds at 2am. He asked me before if I was going to leave him once I lost weight (jokingly)....but part of me doesnt think that it was entirely a joke.... :-(

    ^^^^^^ This is my boyfriend!!! He tells me he likes my body, but I think he is just trying to keep me fat.


    Men...I tell ya! Smh I feel the same way. We just have to keep each other motivated and then BAM! Lol I bet they wont have any complaints once the weight is gone.
  • sirmio
    sirmio Posts: 44 Member
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    My wife put on maybe 30 pounds since we'd first started dating, so in about 5 years. She'd always complain that she was fat and would try to diet, but I really thought she looked good the way she was and I didn't really see the need for change either.

    Then she started having problems with sciatica and the doctors recommendation was to lose some weight. That was what made a difference to me. Even though I liked thed way she looked and she didn't, in the end, her health was negatively being affected by it.

    Just saying that maybe he isn't jealous or trying to sabotage you, he might honestly like how you look.
  • komplexlysimple
    komplexlysimple Posts: 48
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    My husband tells me all the time that I'm fine...sexy ect., but when we first started dating I was 50lbs lighter. I remember him making the comment on several occassions that he wasn't attracted to "fat" women. He knows i'm not confortable in my body now so he just goes with the fact that I'm trying to lose weight. On the other hand....I get the feeling he tries to sabotoge me. Knowing that I am watching what I eat....he'll go to the store and come back with candy or ice cream sandwiches for me. Or he'll cook, but put bbq sauce or other things on the food that I shouldn't eat. I used to ask him to keep me on track if he saw that I was veering away, but he wouldn't. He would be right there asking me if I wanted some McDonalds at 2am. He asked me before if I was going to leave him once I lost weight (jokingly)....but part of me doesnt think that it was entirely a joke.... :-(

    ^^^^^^ This is my boyfriend!!! He tells me he likes my body, but I think he is just trying to keep me fat.


    Men...I tell ya! Smh I feel the same way. We just have to keep each other motivated and then BAM! Lol I bet they wont have any complaints once the weight is gone.

    They better not!!! Just stay focused!!!!
  • cbratthauer
    cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
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    My fiance always tells me I look fine and don't need to lose weight, but I have gained 20 lbs in the 2 years we have been together. He claims he doesn't see it but it's there... However, he at least is supportive and doesn't eat fatty foods around me. He even got a gym membership so we could tone up together. I think it's sweet that your boyfriend loves you for you, but he should also be supportive of you and what you want to do. I think having a serious talk with him about being supportive is in order!
  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
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    my husband sometimes has difficulty being supportive, but i don't think he's doing it on purpose. he's 6'1" and weighs like, 150 lbs. he's active and naturally has a high metabolism. i think he's just completely oblivious to nutrition information - he knows what he likes, and will buy it. he does get upset when i don't want to go out for like, fried things, but he's learned to deal!
  • AndrewTheWise
    AndrewTheWise Posts: 42
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    I think it is funny how you can let yourself go when you are with someone. I was engaged for a little over a year, and during that time I put on about 40lbs. This is really upsetting since I really didn't notice until it was too late. Usually, the person you are with cares about you, and they don't want to hurt your feelings. Their parents programmed them to lie and tell the one they love that they are perfect the way they are. I'll admit, some people look perfect. Plain and simple.

    Here is the rub; every person that dates another average person will find many faults with their signifigant other. We just look beyond all of that and say they are perfect. In the end, that's why I am staying alone for a while. I am much happier being alone, and I will not constantly lie to myself. For others, it is not so easy. You get tangled up and infatuated with someone, and you can't let them go. I know exactly how that is. All I am trying to say, is that you should not let the other person get you down simply because you desire a better body and longer lifespan. Tell them you are doing what you love to do: Be healthy.
  • amitybs
    amitybs Posts: 35
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    Now on the other hand, those men that are actually trying to sabotage your goals by trying to have you eat food you are trying to avoid and things along that line... You need to kick their *kitten* to the curb!!!! And you need to put it to them that way, "ethier support me or get the hell out my way!"

    Just my humble opinion..

    Seeing it in writing from someone else validates the feelings. Thanks Big Ed!

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