unhappy with the support

porterbaby38

i feel unhappy with my bf. it feels like i'm not really getting any support from my bf. this is going on three years losing weight. i've lost 70lbs. so far and i still have another thirty more to lose. i've worked really hard and i tried my best to watch what i eat. i've had alot of ups and downs. when we go somewhere i always where real nice close, my hair all fixed up and where makeup. he does not say one word to me about how i look, but as soon as we enter stores, restraunts, or other places his head turns, eyes wonders and his mouth opens and says things about other women, even the women on tv. but he doesn't say anything about the way i look. but he afraid that with me losing weight he thinks i'll leave him for someone else, but i wouldn't do that because i love him too much. i just want his attention my way no matter where we go, so i told myself that i won't go anywhere with him again. he tells me he loves me. it really bothers me.

Jared_Holloway

I'm unfamiliar with your situation, so you may have already done this, but have you told him how uncomfortable this makes you feel? I would hope he'd realize how much work you've put in is not only for you, but him too.

TDGee

I'm sorry, that really blows. Remember you are doing this for you! keep it up!!

wbgolden

He is insecure and no matter how much you tell him you love him and won't leave him, he will not believe you until he believes in himself. Trust me, I'm a guy with an insecurity or two

krisvtx8777

I can totally relate....However, you MUST remind yourself that YOUR opinion is what matters and what YOU do to make yourself healthy and feel good.
I'm constantly "fishing" for compliments because I feel it's the only way I get them.
I think seeing people change (especially a SO) takes some time getting used to. We feel more confident...our personalities change...so we do get viewed differently.....all in time....it will all come full circle

skinnyjeanzbound

Have you told him how you are feeling? I've been with my husband for 21 years this May, and though he doesn't say it every day, he still makes a point of telling me how nice I look when I get dressed up to go somewhere.

I think you need to let him know how you feel and if he can't support your efforts to improve yourself, you need to think long and hard about whether he's the right person for you. First, make sure to reassure him that you love him and aren't improving yourself to find someone "better." Then let him know you need his attention and support and give him a chance to give it to you.

You deserve someone who loves you and showers you with support and attention!!!

eeeekie

your self worth isn't dependent on what other people say. You're beautiful, you're strong, you've done great and you know it. It's nice to hear it from people you love but your bf seems like he's the kind that doesn't know what he has until it's gone. Just be you and stick with it

Dynetha

you shouldn't not go anywhere else with him because of the way he acts. it's like you're settling for less than what you really want. i'm going to keep this really blunt...i understand you love him but do you love yourself more? you shouldn't allow yourself to be made to feel like this. he should be your #1 fan...especially with you being his girlfriend!! he ought to be happy for you and actually express it...if he's afraid you'll leave for someone else maybe he deserves to be left. insecurity is not cool especially when it gets to the point where he's pretty much being unsupportive...he's not rooting you on because he wouldn't mind if you never lost the rest of that weight...he wants a clutch..someone who will never leave or be recognized by other men the way he recognizes other women and it's utter disrespect for him to do it in your face like that. this man needs to shape up or ship out...this is not healthy for you...you've just said you won't go anywere else with him because of it and next thing you know you're going to be subconsciously falling off your diet and putting on weight... hope everything works out for you and congrats on the weight you've already lost...

Dynetha

He is insecure and no matter how much you tell him you love him and won't leave him, he will not believe you until he believes in himself. Trust me, I'm a guy with an insecurity or two

alecta337

I'm so sorry you're with a man like this. Its totally unfair for someone who is trying as hard as you are.
Sometimes the simplest thing to do is to talk to the person and tell them how you're feeling. If you do not feel comfortable talking to him about this, I believe you have some serious decisions to make. Your bf is supposed to be your partner in life, you and that person tackle all tasks together whether its an issue in his life or yours. You two should be able to talk about anything.

Instead of making the decision to not go anywhere with him, what do you think about being without him? I know its hard to initiate a breakup, but you need to talk to him about this. It is very serious that he doesn't care about your goals, and i'm not even going to address him not complimenting you on your very significant weight loss. That is just horrible!

I have lost 10 lbs and my boyfriend is always telling me how beautiful I am and how he can tell that I've lost weight. He is always only looking at me whenever we go anywhere, even when I KNOW there are prettier girls in the room.

I am sorry you are being treated this way, If you want to talk more about it feel free to friend me or send me a message or both. I may be young, but I know what happens in a good healthy relationship. I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss!


Remember you are beautiful!!

bethikabob

That does suck. I agree with the others--talk to him. Don't think that he can read your mind or that he even has a clue that it bothers you. Remember that this is for you and no one else. I avoid relationships like the plague because I know I'm not ready to invest in one, but I do think that communication is a huge factor in any relationship be it social or romantic. Good luck and if you need support, I (we) have your back and are very proud of you :flowerforyou:

MrsFarrow

Girly, I can't tell you what to do, but I was in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who did that. He never cheated or anything, but it was always like, if I was brunette at the time, he checked out blondes. I naturally am big chested, so he'd look at smaller chested girls. Watched porn all the time and wanted to compare me to the girls on there. Those girls aren't real. I ended up not being able to handle it because I started comparing myself to other girls to the point of getting angry at them. I flat out stopped talking to a girl at my old salon because he liked her butt better.

I eventually ended the relationship because it gave me a huge complex. When I met my husband, he was unreal to me. He doesn't watch porn (everyone's opinion is different, I personally don't prefer it). He never looks at other women. And believe me, I've tried! I give him a hard time when we go out. I'll point out girls and every time he says "Nope, I think you're the prettiest"

Like I said, I can't tell you what to do or what will happen. But I had to go to counseling because of what happened with me.

EDIT: I can't believe I forgot this, but my ex was a feeder too. Like, you're going to push me into over eating then pick out girls skinnier than me? Oh heck no. Definitely talk to him though. I talked to my ex and nothing got done, that's why we didn't work out.

alecta337

I'll point out girls and every time he says "Nope, I think you're the prettiest"

I do this too and my bf has the same response, its the best feeling in the world to have someone think you're prettier than some girl who spent 3 hours getting ready to leave the house when you just swiped on some mascara and put on a tighter pair of jeans to go out.

CuteAndCurvy83

I'm sorry hun I know it can be frustrating. I'd tell him you won't lose me by me leaving you for someone else, what you will lose me over is you looking at other girls the way you do! My Husband never says anything about the way I look, or the weight i've lost, but if he ever started looking at other girls and making comments about them, He would be sleeping on the couch.

Atlantique

You can talk to him, but I don't think it's going to change much.

He knows exactly what he's doing, and he's doing it on purpose. He wants you to feel bad about yourself, to feel threatened, to feel worthless, etc. Why? Because in his insecure, controlling little mind, that means you will be too afraid to ever leave him. He wants you to feel so bad that you wouldn't be capable of believing you could even find new friends, let alone new boyfriends.

If I were you, I'd seriously consider leaving him. I was with a man like your boyfriend for 6 years and even though I left him 16 years ago, my head is STILL messed up over the constant attempts to make me feel less than worthless. I wasn't even heavy then, but he convinced me that I was. Lost weight I didn't need to lose over his constant unflattering remarks about my body, and then he thought I was too thin--the same man who said no one could ever be too thin! This is a game of control--don't try to dress it up into something that sounds nicer. Becasue it's just plain vicious. call it what it is--a concerted, constant attempt to crush your soul. Please don't do that to yourself.