How do you handle it when your child gets bullied?

GTOgirl1969

There are two little girls that live next door to me and my daughters play with them quite often. Well, when the neighbor girls' other friends are over, they all gang up on my younger daughter, but when they have no other kids to play with, they are always knocking on my door asking if my girls are allowed to play. I'm tired of having my little girl come home in tears because the others are picking on her! Four on one is hard to defend against; I've taught her some smart@ss comebacks but they only go so far. I've tried talking to the girls' parents, and it gets better for a while, but damn why do kids have to be such brats sometimes?

Imthatg1rl

I wouldn't let my kids play with the mean kids at all.

zacherybinx

There are two little girls that live next door to me and my daughters play with them quite often. Well, when the neighbor girls' other friends are over, they all gang up on my younger daughter, but when they have no other kids to play with, they are always knocking on my door asking if my girls are allowed to play. I'm tired of having my little girl come home in tears because the others are picking on her! Four on one is hard to defend against; I've taught her some smart@ss comebacks but they only go so far. I've tried talking to the girls' parents, and it gets better for a while, but damn why do kids have to be such brats sometimes?

Kids will be kids I think...haven't you told the older daughter to stick up for her? Or is it just the younger going to play with the older girls or something? Either way I'd perhaps watch over their play periods for a while and then try and see where the problem stems and correct it.

beatlemom

I have that problem too. When the kids that are nice come to play they can play in both yards, but when the sometimes nasty kids come over they have to play in my front yard where I can hear them. He has kinda decided over the last year or so that he doesn't really want to play with the mean kids, so he usually tells them no thank you. I also taught him to walk away from bullies.

ms_erica

I would try to resolved it by speaking to those little girls parents and see if they can talk to them about the consequences of bullying...and if that doesnt work then you need to sit down with your own daughter and explain it to her...and just dont allow her to play with those little girls. For starters, any kid at any age that does that is not a good friend to your kid if there is such bullying around. It would be best for your child to understand early on that we only have a small amount of people that we can truly see as friends..hope her issue is resolved...its very difficult to see your child in tears...i get it all the time from my son because he indeed is different...he is autistic and kids are just so mean!

hyper_stitch

This is such a tough one, I have a similar situation except my daughter's an only child which is rough because I don't want her to be excluded either. I generally have the girls all play in our garden where I can supervise with the kitchen door open and if I hear anything I intervene.

In general this whole issue really bugs me out that so many people seem not to raise their kids to be nice! Even worse when I hear these stupid women laughing at some of the mean stuff their kids do .... anyways that's a whole other issue lol

GTOgirl1969

I've taught her to walk away, and my older daughter does stick up for her sister. Today, my older girl is at her grandma's house so it's me and the little one. It's rough to have to tell your kids that not EVERYONE they meet is going to like them. :brokenheart:

Heather75

Little girls are the worst! I don't have any advice for you, but I definitely sympathize, for what that's worth.

rjlam

Bullying is a major problem within North America. The best way to solve this is to have you girls play in your yard when the bullies come to the door and to keep an eye on them. Sit both of your girls down and talk to them. Let them know that bulling is not acceptable and if either one see someone being bullied to get an adult and get it stopped. When these kids are over I would let them know that if they cannot play fair they will not be allowed over or your girls will not be allowed to play with them. I would also try talking to their parents with them present and see what happens. Hope this helps.

marchegt

Bullying is a serious problem. I realize she is young, but things get worse. We have all heard of kids who were bullied and one day couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't let her play with them, and I would sit down and talk to her and make sure she knows that she is a wonderful person and that some people are mean, but that it isn't her fault. That's the most important thing. I wouldn't teach her comebacks... I'm sure we all want our kids to be able to stand up for themselves, but bullying back isn't the answer. Just make sure she knows that not everyone out there is like that.

bethvandenberg

It's always so hard when our kids are sad. Just hang in there and tell her that you love her and that some people are just mean. The kids have to learn to deal with the stuff and unfortunately it starts so young. But as they grow and know that you're always there to lean, cry, vent etc on they will become strong ladies that stand on their own feet and do whats right. I think it's the hardest on the parents b/c we want them to not get hurt.

As I tell my girls, your whole life you're going to encounter people who aren't nice. Sometimes you'll be able to walk away, sometimes you'll be mean back and sometimes you're just going to have to learn how to deal the best you can to get through the situation. Life is about how you handle yourself. If you can be proud of who you are and how you handle things then that's the ultimate goal. I mean after all you have to love yourself.

It's hard hang in there.... I wish I could tell you that it gets easier as they get older but it definitely doesn't. There are some screwed up people out there and they procreate and don't parent and we have to deal the best we can.

BecksgotBack

Kids are mean....girls are really mean. How old is your youngest daughter? Does she go to school yet? They are teaching kids in school that being a bully isn't cool--my daughter takes no crap from anybody--always been that way since she learned to talk...but there were a few girls last year that ganged up on her--to the point she didn't want to get on the school bus. She told the ring leader she was being a bully and nobody will want to be her friend if she doesn't start being nice to people. I don't know if it stopped this girl from being a bully but my daughter was proud of herself for standing up to her. Maybe next time they come knocking on the door your daughter should tell them she doesn't want to play with bullies...
I've also found talking to other parents about issues is pointless...most of the time the apple doesn't fall far from the tree....
it's a hard thing to deal with for sure, i don't know if there is a right answer...it breaks your heart to see your children unhappy but they have to learn to stand up for themselves

GTOgirl1969

My youngest is 7, turning 8 in May. She normally doesn't take any crap off anyone (just ask her cousins!), but it's hard to not take crap when it's four on one.

BecksgotBack

It's hard hang in there.... I wish I could tell you that it gets easier as they get older but it definitely doesn't. There are some screwed up people out there and they procreate and don't parent and we have to deal the best we can.

LOL--so true some people just shouldn't have children--

kristarablue

Well, bulling is a problem everywhere kids through adults, it is just some adults have developed the tools to handle such situations and lets face it, girls are just mean that said… You may want to look into purchasing some social stories for your daughter to teacher her how to handle bulling, this is also a good strategies for the other girls, you could invite them over and read them a story. It is possible they don't understand what bulling is or how it looks. There are a myriad of way's to bully and some people think it is only physically but on the flip side it is possible that some children interpret not being picked on a team or other situations as bullying. One other important factor, research has shown that bystander interference with bullying is much more effective than going to a teacher or parent because of the social peer pressure factor. It is also important to know that a large percentage of people that have been bullied actually end up bullying others.

Suggestions on books...probably the best one I have come across is "Confessions of a former bully" this book is kid friendly and gives multiple strategies for deflecting without being nasty back.

Another suggestion is to only allow your daughter to have the friends over to your house so that you can monitor the situation to see what is actually happening and how it is being interpreted.

My daughter's teacher asked the class what to do if someone is bulling you and my daughter (2nd grade) raised her hand and said "now I won't mention any names, but when someone was bulling me, I looked at them and said I know what you are doing, you are trying to make me feel bad and you are not succeeding."

Give your daughter the tools to be strong but not mean back and she will gain the confidence to hold her own. Good for you for taking control of the situation and wanting to educate your daughter. If you need additional material let me know, I have many resourses available