i suck at life

JayEm47

had the worst weekend ever. i can't wait to move out of this house.

really need to get back on track.

ugh. im never going to be able to do this.

JayEm47

had the worst weekend ever. i can't wait to move out of this house.

really need to get back on track.

ugh. im never going to be able to do this.

prairiemom

NEVER give up on yourself. My prayers go with you. :flowerforyou:

PrincessLaundry

The first step to success is telling yourself your plan. If you want to be happy, tell yourself each day, "I AM HAPPY!" Work on being positive and before you know it, you will be happier and your outlook will change. You can do it!

time2wrk

If you want it bad enough, you can do it. It may not be EASY, but you really can do this!

megan090

I feel that way too sometimes...i feel like i'll never get to my weight goal. But I know I can if I try hard and I know you'll be able to do it too!!!!
I know it's hard, but think positive and you will be able to do it.
Don't worry everyone feels like this at times....just keep on believing in yourself!
Your Worth it!!!!

natalie1

You need to believe in yourself first. If you don't belive that you are worth it than how can others?

JayEm47

thanks so much for the support everyone. i guess i should really explain why im so down. i dont usually like to talk about this but i feel like i really need to tell someone.

so heres my story...

it started my sophomore year of high school. i was always a very active person. i was a cheerleader. i was 5'6 and weighed about 130 lbs. pretty much all muscle. i look at pictures now and i had an amazing body. i had the body that i would die for right now. but for some reason i felt gross and fat. so i started dieting and started losing weight. when ppl started noticing it made me feel so great about myself so i just kept losing. i became obsessed with what i ate and counting calories. if someone tried to make me eat something i didnt have planned out in my day i literally cried. suddenly i weighed only 92 lbs. i was dying. my parents were so scared and i barely even realized what was going on. i couldnt concentrate in school i was always sad and yet i still didn't feel like i was thin enough. it took me throwing up and passing out on my bathroom floor after a one mile run one day to realize that i needed to fix this. i went to a nutritionist and was told that i needed to eat at minimum 4000 calories a day. and i did just that. i started eating EVERYTHING in sight. it took me about a year to recover and get back to a healthy weight. by my senior year i was back to normal. but for some reason i couldnt stop eating. i blame it on the fact that for a year and i had to and could eat everything in sight and then suddenly i just wasnt supposed to anymore. i couldnt stop eating. eventually i weighed more than i had ever weighed. i became so depressed about it. then because of the depression i again continued to eat. this time for emotional reasons. i would constantly try to diet and then i would get down on myself and how id let myself go and binge for 2 or 3 days. its been going on for about a year now. before this weekend though it was always just me that was unhappy with how i looked. boyfriends always told me they loved my body and that i didnt need to lose weight and friends always told me to stop worrying. then yesterday my mom came into my room and said those 4 deadly words to me. the four words that someone with as many problems with food and weight as i have never wants to hear. she said "did you gain weight?" she then proceded to tell me that im fat and that its not healthy. i didnt know how to react. so ive been freaking out now for a day and a half. so many things have gone through my head. i just want to lose as much weight as possible. then i get scared that im going to lose control again and become anorexic and thats not what i want. im just scared and depressed. i wish food didnt control my life but it does. ugh im just freaking out and dont know what to do. im sorry for ranting i just really needed to get this out. i needed to talk about it. :ohwell:

HappyathomeMN

You need to believe in yourself first. If you don't belive that you are worth it than how can others?

That is the basic part of this, YOU need to believe in YOU!!!!
It starts with holding yourself accountable, you didn't get here overnight, it won't change overnight. Yes, there will be days that are MUCH harder than others, but that is the way of life, for everyone. There are people here who need to loose about half their body weight (two years ago I weighed 270, today its 184), plateaus will happen and surprises will too. Just find the strength to believe in yourself and then you can and will get the job done.
:smooched: :flowerforyou:

casey34472

Back in high school I weighted 89 pounds. I was so small (wish I had that body now). They weight me once a week at school but never talked to me about my weight. Anyways after having my daughter and being on depo for 7 years. I was 156 pounds. Well about 4 months ago I got into diet mode and did it I lost 30 pound. I did it for my self and I feel so much better. Just keep your hopes up and listen only to yourself.

GrnEyz

I just got done readin your post and want to say that it really touched me. I know how had it can be to tell something so painful. And I can relate to your obsession about food, and wanting so hard to get rid of it, but not being able to. When I was younger, I too, thought I was a hideous beast (it didn't help that I was 6'3 and ppl always reacted as if I was a freak {OMG YOUR SO BIG} not realized how that impacts a young girl). I stopped eating, and would obsess about everything that I put in my mouth. I would "treat" myself once a week to a "meal" that would consist of 1/2 of a sandwhich...and would feel SO horrible afterward that I would workout for 4 hours. When I finally got help and was basically forced to eat everything in site....I couldn't seem to stop. Just like you said. gaining back all the weight I had lost and then some....feeling horrible about myself. Then I develped a drug problem and lost all that weight and finally felt good about my body. When I quit drugs and cleaned up I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. When your on drugs you never eat, and so when I quit my body made up for lost time. Even by the time I had cleaned up I couldn't stop the binging. I still (3 years later) binge more than I EVER have. It's like the drugs have messed up something in my body that tells me when I'm hungry and full. and I am now at the heaviest I have EVER been in my life. And losing the weight has never been harder in my life. If I start to do really good for about 4 or 5 days 1 of 2 things happen...I either panic that I'm going to get too obsessed again, and basically sabotage myself....or I DO become so obsessed that I barely eat any calories for a couple days only to find myself binging again.

I just wanted to let you know that your are not alone. And if you ever need advice or just want to vent, then please know that I, along with others on this site, are here, and willing, to listen and help.

I'm sorry that your mother said those hurtful things to you. I know, as well, how unsupportive family can be. My mother FREQUENTLY puts her foot in her mouth. And my only advice with that is just sit down and talk to her about that. she probably didn't even realize what she said hurt or affected you the way it did.

And as I'm sure others have and will tell you take one day at a time. If you do bad one day, then just get back on the proverbial horse the next and you will get the healthy results you are looking for!

And...you do NOT suck at life! God puts us through experiences to make us a stronger, better person!

:flowerforyou:

TNTPete

No one sucks at life...

My suggestion: talk to a nutritionist about your concerns and get some help while you combat your weight loss. Seems like you have had your turn of ups and downs so ask someone to guide you through your next few steps.

Be positive!

natalie1

I' ve noticed that you are student in colege- Perfect !!! My daugther is in college as well. She had extra 3 credit hours available to choose something and she took "personal nutrition". It's an easy subject, light homework load and lots of benefits !!! Turn your luck around- instead of hiding from food issues, become expert in that field.

overthehillsandfaraway

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. I have confidence that you can subjugate these trials and tribulations, as you've walked a rugged path already. Remember that losing the weight is something no one can take away from you. Focus on eating enough so your body may replinish itself from the workouts. My prayers go your direction.

PrincessLaundry

I was told something by my DH once...

The only "bad day" is the one you don't wake up to see. Hummmm...deeeeeep! He had cancer, so things each day can always be worse. Yikes!

JayEm47

thanks so much for all of your support everybody. i really needed to talk about my problem and you all have just been so supportive and unjudgemental and i just want you all to know how much i appreciate it.


i had a really rough day again today. basically cried all day. then i came home from work and almost turned to food again. i made myself a sandwich that i didnt need and took two bites and realized what i was doing and threw it away. i know its only a small feat but its a step.


natalie--
i have actually thought about changing my major to nutrition because i just feel like it is something i am passionate about and once i do overcome my problems i would love to be able to help other people through these types of things. however i could never do that because i am just too far into my major and i have planned on becoming a teacher my entire life i dont think i could just change it. thanks for the suggestion though. i actually might see if i can fit a nutrition class into my schedule.

natalie1

Honey, you are just 19!!!!!!! You have another 60-80 years ahead of you. You'll only be successfull in life if you do what you are passionate about !!