Do you think a relationship can work if...

Sherri71

Do you think a relationship can work if 1 person likes to be active and do things such as skate, bike ride, go to the gym, workout and the other person just likes to stay at home in front of the TV, not workout, do occasional household DIY projects, but not much more than that??? I am curious how it works in other marriages/relationships?

stevemcknight

I've not had much luck with this - sad to say. I've actually been on both sides.

For years I was on the lazy/tv side, while dating girls who were very active. That didn't seem to work well. Then for the past couple years, I care very much about being healthy - and it works even worse.

Everything from energy levels, to kitchen/food habits, to self confidence (hello - the big one) - it just doesn't seem to work out until I find someone who is concerned about their own health and fitness levels.

Best of luck if you're on that fence - I'm sure it can be worked out - but will take communication!

Beachbean77

I think it depends on the couple

RockVixen

It's hard! I gave up my active lifestyle for my lazy husband. And now it seems the more I try to better myself the lazier he gets and harder he makes my life! I think he's unintentionally sabotaging me and being an *kitten*

biggiwig

Wouldn't work for me. I love to go bikeriding with my husband or bowling etc. Can't stand those couch potatoes.

donicagalek

The healthier relationships leave room for personal space and separate identities. What you fill that space and identity with is up to you. There are other things to be had in common. :-D

Christine1110

I workout, and my hubby doesn't...I watch what I eat, and he doesn't. He will walk with me sometimes. We have a wonderful time together...and spend all our time together. Just not working out! We have been happily married for 22 years.

♥Violette♥4Ever♥

It didn't work for me. I am a very active and social person...even when I was 40 pounds heavier I was still very active and social...always wanting to go out and do things. My ex-boyfriend was the complete opposite. All he wanted to do was sit in front of his computer all flippin' day long. Even my friends were like....what the hell are you doing with this couch potato...LOL! I was very bored in the relationship and got out...thank goodness!

MissingMinnesota

Do you think a relationship can work if 1 person likes to be active and do things such as skate, bike ride, go to the gym, workout and the other person just likes to stay at home in front of the TV, not workout, do occasional household DIY projects, but not much more than that??? I am curious how it works in other marriages/relationships?

I had a guy ask me out that was very seditary. I told him that I couldn't date him since I didn't want to date someone that might make me slip back in to my old life style and I wanted someone that thought running 5ks on the weekend was a something fun to do.

Phoenyxlove

Opposites attract right! Plus I think through a relationship you sort of pick up the other habits so maybe the one that doesn't workout will learn to like some more active activities!

mishmash73

it woudl work if you didn't care if you couldn't enjoy things you like to do w/your spouse. if you like to do yyour own thing & they do their own thing, then you'd be good. i think a couple should be able to share the things they enjoy with the other person. i'd say no

hotpickles

It's hard to say I guess. I think it all boils down to the actual level of activeness/laziness. I absolutely HATE outdoor activities such as camping, hiking, woodsy trail running, etc. Can't stand outdoor winter activities either. However, I think if you are with someone that likes this, and you do not, it's cool if they go and do their thing while you do yours. I'd have no problem if my significant other went camping for the weekend while I went golfing

mandamama

I am going to say.. If this is already on your mind, there are likely other deeper issues going on and this may be the easiest thing to blame it on? I would def talk with your significant other, see if they are willing to maybe take a family walk or go do something fun. Does your s/o have a physically demanding job and just wants to relax at the end of a week?

GypsyRoaddog

I think cpl good questions to ask yourself might be: Will my significant other be resentful about my time away while involved with my activities? Will I be resentful at the slouch wasting time in front of the TV when there are so many fun & healthy activities to enjoy? What about ppl You meet at your activities that might invite You to some type of get-together? Friction there? I have been in rlshps where there were wide-polarity differences and they were not harmonious.

Sincerely,
gyps

LorinaLynn

The healthier relationships leave room for personal space and separate identities. What you fill that space and identity with is up to you. There are other things to be had in common. :-D

Yeah, this!

My husband would LIKE to have a more active lifestyle, because he's jealous of my newfound fitness. But a broken foot kind of derailed him for the time being. I'm content to do my 5k runs while he's sleeping in on the weekends.

perrytyra

The healthier relationships leave room for personal space and separate identities. What you fill that space and identity with is up to you. There are other things to be had in common. :-D

I agree. While I am the overweight one in my marriage, my husband is skinny. But he is naturally skinny, and can eat what he wants. He is a construction worker, and says that is his exercise. I don't really have anyone to workout with.

He would go bikeriding with me, but I am embarrassed to say that I have no balance and never got the hang of it.

MyNameIsNotBob

Hmm... I don't think this one factor is enough to make or break a relationship. I think there have to be many, many incompatibilities.

That said, I enjoy having a hubby who goes to the gym with me, takes walks with me, will go swimming with me, etc. A girlfriend of mine has a husband who won't leave the couch after work, and it's really frustrating to her.

There is only so much "free time" that a couple has to spend together (esp. if you work opposite shifts like we do)... and if I always spent my free time at the gym without him, I would be resentful, and probably bored.

tvlagt

Actually it is sort of funny. For years I tried (without success) to maintain the healthy weight I was while my husband does all the cooking. I will not criticize a meal I did not make nor made an effort to influence. (Not fair) My weight went from 130 lbs. when we met to over 200 recently and I am 5'4". I had been pushing my husband to make some healthy lifestyle changes such as eating better, loosing weight, stop smoking, becoming more active, control his blood sugars etc. About a year and a half ago he suffered a massive heart attack requiring quadruple by-pass. He has now made those changes I would ask from time to time. He has lost 45 lbs, he has quite smoking, he blood sugars are more regulated, he is making healthier meals. Now he is asking me to make the same changes he has made and is continuously bugging me about my eating habits, activity levels and to lose some weight.

It can be done and a relationship worth keeping will take lots of work. Feeling free to talk to the other person about THEIR weight issues and activity levels will go a long way. Without being mean and out of concern my husband has told me my weight is inching up and I should do something about it. It may not be easy to hear and may be upsetting but I am listening to what he is saying. I am slowly making some changes and he has made comment that he has noticed my efforts even though I have not made it obvious what I am doing. Hind sight being what it is, I wish I had maintained an active lifestyle and cultivated friendships with others who had more activity in their life. Both of you need friends independent of the other to keep the relationship healthy, use those friends as a means of maintaining your health. Be more active with them, go running, meet at the gym or join a group sport. If you are happy and have your health you can make a relationship work.

Hope this helps.

StacLegg

I workout, and my hubby doesn't...I watch what I eat, and he doesn't. He will walk with me sometimes. We have a wonderful time together...and spend all our time together. Just not working out! We have been happily married for 22 years.

I'm with you! We are very different also, but we choose to make time..... if we go out to eat, I order healthy and he does not. I love him all the same, no matter what!!!! I thankfully have wonderful friends who work out and run with me! He is there at the finish line cheering me on!!! We choose to make it work!! Been married 17 yrs!

treena99

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. I count calories, measure everything and watch what I eat. My husband is totally the opposite. He watch me count my calories, he observes all my measurements, he licks his lips while I eat healthy, and his eyes widens as I workout. It doesn't bother me at all. We still spend a lot of time together. Just having him in my life, makes my life enjoyable.

NobodyKnows

I think it is fine if both people accept the other person for who they are. If someone feels pressured to do something or stop doing something, then it is going to cause resentment. As long as the active person is free to go out without any issues, the home body is not crticized for not wanting to do things, then it shouldn't be a problem.

leafyq

I don't think that it would break an otherwise good, healthy relationship, unless one party is being ridiculous and stubborn about it.

Personally, being active is my personal thing. Even if my SO were into it, I wouldn't want to share it with him. I like doing it on my own at my own pace.

aeckels616

I think it CAN work, as long as neither partner is expecting the other to fulfill the "buddy" role in their particular activities. For instance, I know that my husband will never go to the gym, run, or do a workout video with me. Ever. And I'm cool with that because he knows I will never play video games or basketball with him. We have other people to group with for those activities, but have a healthy and happy marriage because it's based on other parts of our lives together.

spiritcrusher

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone as miserable as I am when it comes to my cutting and bulking cycles.

I need someone that will make me step out of my boundries once in a while.

gooberr4

The healthier relationships leave room for personal space and separate identities. What you fill that space and identity with is up to you. There are other things to be had in common. :-D

nicely said. i agree 100%. I feel like my relationship has gotten better because I'm doing something for me and feeling more confident and happy.

Sherri71

Wow! I am just reading all the logs now and want to thank everyone for their great advice. It seems as if we live almost completely separate lives and not sure how I feel about this. He works night shift and I work day shift (well from home most day so I do see him). But seems he never wants to do anything at all. We will occasionally go out to eat at a local place, but he is more content to stay home watching DIY, Fox News or play PS3. The fact that he works nights has left me a lot of free time to be active and pursue fitness related interests, which is great. On Saturdays, even though he is home, I have double workouts in the morning. It has gotten to the point where we don't spend any time together at all. Another poster pointed out that we have other issues and I know that is true. He refuses to go to counseling, so not sure what I can do. Is there something better out there or should I just be content since he does not cheat and is not physically abusive. We have been together only 6 years (married 3.5). He was more receptive to trying new things and doing things together in the beginning, but that quickly disippated.

MyNameIsNotBob

Is there something better out there or should I just be content since he does not cheat and is not physically abusive.

Hmmm... I don't know you or your relationship very well, but, yes, there is something better out there. Just being a non-cheating non-abusive guy is not enough. You deserve someone who makes you happy. But perhaps there's a way to salvage your relationship?

Good luck.

hroush

It is putting a strain on my relationship with my wife as I am trying to eat better and workout whereas she likes to eat out and read. She complains that I'd rather go to my spin class rather than spend time with her. She needs to lose weight, but doesn't want to put forth the effort.

mommazrulz222

By asking this question, I'm sure you understand the variety of answers you would receive. I think the biggest thing is whether you want the relationship to work. If you truly do, then you will find a way to make it work. My husband and I have been married just over 7 yrs. We've switched back and forth with the active/lazy lifestyle at different times. But this go around my husband has truly inspired me to get up and get active. He's recently lost 42 lbs. I will agree at times it was stressful, but we managed to find a balance.

gooberr4

Is there something better out there or should I just be content since he does not cheat and is not physically abusive.

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years and I've been in the same spot you're in (and i frequently come back to it). He's not a bad person but sometimes I get that feeling too that maybe there is something better out there. Being more active and focused on losing weight and being healthy has given me something else to focus on instead of my relationship. He likes to have his space and I used to find that offensive but now I find myself being the one that isn't really stressing about seeing him (we live an hour away so i only get to see him on the weekends but sometimes i have to work on the weekends so now it's more like twice a month some months and that used to bother me). But we still have fun and I still enjoy his company so I'm just not taking the relationship as seriously.


Being married makes things more complicated. At this point, it's what YOU want. If he doesn't want to go to counseling or change then there's nothing you can do. And if that bothers you, then its time to seriously consider moving on. Right now you're pretty much living separate lives and its hard to get on the same page and it sucks that it's that way because I feel like when you're married, it shouldn't. Marriage and relationships are all about compromise. You can still do your own separate things and be able to find love in between but if the love isn't there anymore, then its a problem.

Personally though, I would try to salvage the relationship one last time. Really try to get through to him and talk to him. Being honest and open is the best thing you can do. If he's not having it then it's out of your hands.

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time and I wish you the best of luck.

RoadDog

It can be sucessful, if you accept each other as you are. Once one person tries to change the other to fit their lifestyle, the chances of survival diminish considerably.