heartbroken mom advice...

rockabillydarlin

Well, first of all, you can't control how you feel. The point is that you're being a great daughter and doing what any woman who breaks up with a boyfriend would want from a confidant: being supportive and trying to lift her up out of her GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS, as Ron Burgundy would say.

When my mom's current boyfriend said some not-very nice things about my (step)dad and randomly broke up with my mom, I was ready to punch him in the mouth. He even moved back to the state where he used to live. But then they got back together on Valentine's Day of all days (last year) and I just stopped talking to my mom. I was mad at her; I was angry with her for being with him. I was mad that she wasn't mad at him. And I wasted a lot of time holding that resentment for her, and I regret it now. We're fine and dandy today -- this happened over a year ago -- and I'm on good terms with her boyfriend; he's really not a bad guy after all. But I definitely know how you're feeling.

Maybe you can go out for dinner or make her dinner at your place one night. Have a "girls' night." Watch a funny movie. And then you can tell her that while you're supportive of her and just want her to be happy, you don't think this guy deserves her for this that and the other. Tell her she's better than that. Good luck, and I hope everything turns out ok.

MinnieInMaine

Don't make it about him, make it about her. She's such a wonderful, pretty, smart, etc woman that he doesn't deserve someone like her and she can do so much better. Help her build up her confidence and take her out for a nice girl's day - lunch, shopping, movie, etc. Encourage her to meet up with her friends and spend time with them too. Whatever it takes to distract her from thinking about him.

If they do end up getting back together again, there's not much you can do about it but at least you know she won't harbor any bad feelings about you for having gone off about how awful he is.

Or if you're like me, just go ahead and tell it like it is... A few years back, my best friend had a horrible boyfriend and every time she called me to whine about what they were going through I'd be quiet and then say "do you want to hear my honest opinion or do you just want me to comfort you?" I figured that way if they did stay together, she'd know it was her own decision that led me to vent my honest opinion about that @#*#$*$% and she couldn't be mad at me. Thank goodness eventually she figured it out for herself and left his sorry tail.

basschick

What she probably needs right now is just an ear to listen. So sorry for your mom. Tell her I'm sending hugs her way.

kevanos

You should share your thoughts with her. Just saying everyting will be ok doesn`t help I find .Give here a reality check and tell her she is better off without him.

I'm more of a realist, i appreciate the honest truth. I`m also way more intellecttual than emotional. That doesn`t make me insensitive, but I think you should be straight up with her.

bugnbeansmom

It is always hard when a friend is in pain. Even worse when that friend is your mom! I would give her sometime to come to terms with it but don't let her wallow in it for months on end. At some point, any friend needs a kick in the booty and be reminded that they are strong and our relationships do not define us. I had a situation with my own mom where my brother was (and still is) acting like a child. It was making my mom sick and hurting my parent's marriage. My mom would try to sound like everything was fine but since I speak with her at least once a day every day, I know when something is up. She finally broke down and poured it out. This went on for like a month. I finally had to tell mom to take her strength back and put her foot down. I told her that I love her and my brother but I would not enable either one of them any longer. No more complaining without plans! I told her we could talk about what was bothering her and how to fix it but living with it like a blanket was over! Then I read my brother the riot act. The point is, support is not just listening. It is also picking someone up, dusting them off, and helping find their legs again. Don't let her mourn this loser any longer than is healthy. Sounds like she strong. She just might need a reminder!

Good luck

chanstriste13

thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your advice and kind words! this really meant a lot to me to have you all responding and reaching out. :flowerforyou:

my mom is a very beautiful and strong woman, and putz is actually a really nice guy. but, he has total commitment-phobia, and i think my mom thought that with time, that would change for him.

me and mom are pretty tongue-in-cheek with our difference of opinions in him. i tell her things like, 'as much as i want to kick putz in the face for hurting you, i am rooting for ya'll to be happy together. then i won't want to kick him anymore.' or, 'just say the word mom, and i can dig a shallow grave for him to boot.'

so she knows that while i think he's 87.92% lost cause, i genuinely do hope that it works out for them. which i suppose it still could. and putz and i have a very cordial relationship. as long as she likes him, i will like him too. though i am anticipating the day that mom finally 'sics' me on him. :laugh: kidding. mostly.

it's just so sad to me that she is placing her self-worth in his delusional opinion, and that makes me feel helpless. but she'll make it through, and if i'm about to pull out my hair, i can count on all of ya'll!

many thanks. :flowerforyou: