What Pets Write in Their Diaries

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millerll
millerll Posts: 873 Member
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
What Pets Write in their diaries.......

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary..


Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
*kitten*.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe. For now................

Replies

  • JEK717
    JEK717 Posts: 1,497
    LMFAO!!!

    This is hilarious, but i hope not true:sad:
  • srp2011
    srp2011 Posts: 1,829 Member
    That is great - and so true!!!!
  • rgraubner
    rgraubner Posts: 31
    HAHAHAHA I love the cat diary. That's got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. Gets me thinking of what my cats would write if they could ;)
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    I LOVE this!
  • wysmom2000
    wysmom2000 Posts: 101 Member
    As a dog owner and previous cat owner, I can totally relate :) Funny stuff!
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,316 Member
    I love it!!!!!
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
    Still giggiling.... you have a gift. I love your sense of humor.
  • cng1117
    cng1117 Posts: 225 Member

    I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
    I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.


    That line just had me cracking up!
  • lukimakamai
    lukimakamai Posts: 498 Member
    :laugh: That was awesome!
  • Dafrog
    Dafrog Posts: 353
    People own dogs...although cats own you.
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    Still giggiling.... you have a gift. I love your sense of humor.

    I wish I could take credit for it, but it was forwarded to me verbatim by a friend. I'm just passing it along. Whoever came up with it is a genius!
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